I still hate my cpap machine but....

Ldrakekat wrote:i know it sounds crazy but the thought of getting use to this makes me nervous. I have no idea why.

Not crazy, I know for many folks it's tough getting used to it, it's just doesn't seem natural or normal.

Here's what should really make you nervous: 30 apneas an hour plus 80% O2's is far tougher for your body to get used to. And it never does, though it does go to work overtime to try and compensate for the lack of oxygen and suffocation.

We just don't realize how bad it is because we're not conscious while the apneas are happening. If any of us were awake for all of our apneas, I think it would abolutely be the most frightening experience any one of us could endure. Just imagine someone cupping their hand over your mouth and pinching your nose shut for 45 seconds so you can't breathe. Then they let you breathe for a minute before covering your mouth and pinching your nose again, this time for 75 seconds. Then let you breathe for 30 seconds and then they do it all over again, this time for 60 seconds.

Imagine them doing this over and over and over again, suffocating you 30 times an hour, every hour of the night, night after night after night after night, you're only allowed to breathe for half of each night and are suffocating for the other half.

That is about the best way I can describe what happens with sleep apnea, and I wonder if anyone could ever get used to that. However, the CPAP machine ends the suffocation. I guess it all depends on how you look at it and I hope you'll recognize sleep apnea for what it really is, and that the CPAP machine is not a hassle, but rather, it is life.

Good luck!

Madalot wrote:If it helps at all - and I'm being 100% truthful here...

Sometimes when I wake up, I have to reach up with my hand to FEEL my mask on my face to make sure it's still on. I've gotten that used to having it on my face that I don't always feel it there.

I never in a million years would have believed that when I first started all of this...

I don't think I have ever felt like it wasn't there when in fact it is. But, there are many mornings the mask just feels natural, so much a part of me, and my breathing is so easy and pleasant. I wouldn't have believed it either when I first started!

Ldrakekat wrote:i know it sounds crazy but the thought of getting use to this makes me nervous. I have no idea why.

Because you are a human with human emotions. You're starting to truly accept the reality that a hose will be part of your sleep experience, quite probably for the rest of your life, and that is a significant change from the past. Some of us have one hell of a hard time accepting change, especially one we perceive will not be pleasurable. Go ahead and be nervous, and don't fret about it. Believe it or not the nervousness will go away in time. Celebrate the fact you are a healthy human being, healthy in that you have allowed yourself to react very strongly, have expressed that reaction, and are now beginning to accept the change.

The person who cannot express their anger and keeps it bottled up, and can't adjust to the change, is the unhealthy one in danger of mentally, emotionally, and physically coming apart. You are not that kind of person. Rejoice in that fact!

Ldrakekat wrote:i know it sounds crazy but the thought of getting use to this makes me nervous. I have no idea why.

LOL - that sounds to me like you're reluctantly leaving the River of DeNial. You've gotten over the worst of your (undertandable) anger and frustration, to seeing that XPAP CAN be lived with, but you're now starting to accept you DO have to wear this thing every time you sleep, so that's freaking you out a little.

Just go with the flow, try not to freak out or panic - as you've already seen, it does get better and easier.

It's as though your body has accepted XPAP, now you've just got to convince your brain.

Hang in there - you're doing great!

Cheers,
xena

Sometimes when I wake up, I have to reach up with my hand to FEEL my mask on my face to make sure it's still on. I've gotten that used to having it on my face that I don't always feel it there.

Wow! I can't wait for that.

Ldrakekat wrote:i know it sounds crazy but the thought of getting use to this makes me nervous. I have no idea why.

Not crazy whatsoever!

Allow yourself to feel whatever you feel at this stage without judgment. This is a lot to take in at once, especially since you weren't expecting this. (I WAS expecting my diagnosis because our family seems to be genetically pre-disposed, and it was still shocking.)

The range of emotions you have right now are perfectly normal.

"Sometimes when I wake up, I have to reach up with my hand to FEEL my mask on my face to make sure it's still on. I've gotten that used to having it on my face that I don't always feel it there."

"i know it sounds crazy but the thought of getting use to this makes me nervous. I have no idea why."

The first comment: I've done that too.

The second comment: As the others have stated Kat, its a whole new way of sleeping. When you get to the place (and you soon will) that your mask and cpap are there to partner with you in reaching a better quality of sleep and reducing those nasty events (aka AHIs), I call that cpap nirvana. We all strive for that. Putting my jammies on, brushing my teeth and dental appliance and masking up all become part of my nightly routine for getting ready for bed.

You know what made me nervous? Look my name up, Starlette & FFM (Two different threads). I recently decided to go from nasal to FFM. Talk about terrifying??? I can certainly relate. You'll laugh, remember that old Frankenstein movie? There's a part where Dr. Frankenstein says of his monster, "It's alive! It's alive!" Well the first night I wore my newly purchased FFM (NOTE: Never said anything to Hubbs about this), I was certain I wouldn't be waking up the next day, I kid you not. When I did wake up the next morning, I shouted in my head with glee, "I'm alive! I'm alive!" thinking of that movie. Ok, so I got a wild imagination You get the picture. It took me about three nights before I was calm enough about wearing a FFM. Now it's just a matter of getting those nasty leaks under control.

Lastly, we all have our stories of how we adjusted to the mask and cpap, you have your own story too. Now when someone stumbles upon this forum at their wits end, you can share your story with them and let them know how you adjusted and how you got from point A to point B, aka cpap nirvana.

((huggs))

Starlette

I have been watching both of your threads. It is absolutely amazing to observe the flow of comments and suggestions! These threads ought to be posted as "classics". There is so much to be learned from the supporters as well as the "nay-sayers".

Congrats to you for staying with the thread of conversation and giving things a try.

And kudos to those members who have stuck with you and have been so patient and understanding. I don't know how they do it, but they are saints!! I too have gotten tremendous help here.

Stick with it. Remember, you are worth all of this effort and I'll bet before long you too will be "paying it forward".

Blessings to all here!!