sick of life now

I'm really upset and have almost given up hope. i had a neuroigist who said I have moderate sleep apnea in my back. However, he said I dont have much at all on my side. The index was too low and he says I was out of luck and that my insurance would not pay. I have severe,chronic fatique. I never feel refeshed from sleep, i feel as though I haven't slept in weeks when I wake up. The doctors solution was ritatalin. It made me so angry I was afraid I was going to kill my therapist. I called crisis, afraid, and my therapy kicked me out, they lied to me for why they did it no referral, nothing"goodluck" they said. When I came off the ritalun I was fine. I have very high blood pressure, without my blood pressure meds (30 mg. im 24), and having been told its just stress or genetics which I have no history of, having it at 165/105 is ridiculous. I was told at first it was caused by my severe obesity.. So I lost 101 lbs expecting to feel better. Still have no energy after I lost the 101 lbs. And went from 30% bodyfAt to 11%. I irode my buke 8 miles a day to the gym and ifted weights 5 days A week . After 2 years of hard work and after hitting a platau for six months, I got into incredible shape, to the point of most models.. and yet the only aadvantage was pure aesthetics, I developed bdd and felt worse only worse with my depression, myenergy levels were non existant . I was goimg to a partial hospitalization program until I opemed mydamn mouth again and said I had bedbugs from my roommate. they promptly kicked me out and said I needed to have a doctors notice to return. I have severe legs cramps and I get enough damn potaissium, it keeps waking me up every night. my birthday 2 days ago, I got into another fight with my parents, they kept saying their comments that made me feel invalidated was all in my head. If I had a cent for every time heard that id be rich. Im sick of this. My parents said they do all this stuff for me and give me money and thats how I treat them! Whats wrong with me? I asked them for a gun for my birthday present. every possible medical test done,nothing. Im sick of this maybe im just a weak person. I dont know who I am anymore.

You need to call your local crisis line ASAP. Then find a new doctor.

Don't feed the troll.

FarmGirl wrote:Don't feed the troll.

This is NOT a troll!

I agree with SU - but she definitely needs to get help, though not necessarily from 'regular' medical doctor, and if OSA is an issue she could read about positional apnea and may find answers there... starting with a forum search on it looking for Mars' notes on "Mars given ok on Positional Sleep Apnea".

Sparkerosionprocess wrote:Im sick of this maybe im just a weak person.

Hi,

I repeatedly find that I never know what I need to know when I need to know it. Problems always seem huge when facing them, but the often easy when you can look back after solving them. Maybe you are just lacking a few key pieces of information? For example, sleep issues make you depressed. It can cause long term brain pattern changes that can take 6 months to clear up after you get on the right treatment. While it might not look like it to you right now, it is worth the effort to fix this stuff. Life can get better.

I found that I was overwhelmed if I had to solve 5 different problems at once. My solution was to work on them one at a time. I can face 5 things one at a time, but I cannot face all 5 at once. With that in mind, how about this for a plan:

1) find a new doctor and get a physical.
2) drop all the meds, assuming your new doctor concurs.
3) start with the most serious problem first, which appears to be blood pressure. That should be fairly easy to get under control.
4) find a work-around for the sleep issue. It sounds like you have positional apnea, so try sleeping on your side or sitting in a chair.
5) eliminate the bedbug issue. Either move or call an exterminator. This can be pesky, but it has a solution, so solve it.

That should get you back to a baseline where you can cut through the insanity. After that, make a list of your remaining problems, rank them in order of worst to less worse, then work on them one at a time. For example, the sleep issue might be a top item on that list. If so, when the time comes, get scheduled for an overnight sleep study at a major hospital that has at least a 24-channel PSG.

-john-

Life without good sleep can be a miserable existence, but the good news is that most sleep issues can in time with appropriate medical attention and much effort be improved. Poor quality sleep can affect us both physically and emotionally. I think you would do yourself a disservice to give up after all your hard work trying to get healthy when you may be nearing your goal of feeling better and having a better life. Before my sleep disorders were managed the quality of my life had deteriorated to the point to say I was living seems an overstatement.

There's so much about your sleep study that is yet unsaid. It would be a good idea to get a copy of it so you can review it, ask questions, and have a better understanding of your situation. For instance, the length of time spent in sleep and the stages of sleep matter. And how many arousals were there? Was there any mention of limb movements? Maybe there are clues in your report that could help you see where to focus your attention going forward. A sleep study is about more than just if you met a qualifying number. Have you taken steps to assure you stay off your back when asleep? One quick and easy way that I've seen mentioned on here is stuffing a pillow in a backpack and wearing it to bed. It may also help to elevate the head of your bed a few inches. At one time I had folded a quilt or comforter and placed it across the head of my bed between the mattress and boxsprings. Worked well for me.

I do hope you can find a doctor you trust, and review your meds with them. Some meds actually disrupt sleep, others can worsen OSA. Do follow instructions if going off any meds. The weaning process can be very important with some. I found that out the hard way. Also, was your potassium actually tested? Proper nutritional support for your body is especially important. Hopefully your doctor will run a battery of tests to see if there's anything lacking. You're having leg crampsfor a reason. Are they always at night? Here's wishing you solutions and a better life.

I suppose its better to thought a fool than to open ones mouth and remove all doubt.

Guest wrote:I suppose its better to thought a fool than to open ones mouth and remove all doubt.

No when you remove all doubt you become free from other peoples opinions and you can actually get the help you need.

Keeping ones mouth shut is to stay trapped by convention, locked into expectations and screwed by society.

Maybe it's as simple and complicated as Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I know how you feel- been there, done that, still running at less than 100%. Hang in there. Perhaps it's time for another sleep study. If you feel CPAP would help I have seen several great machines for sale on the forum (under 300$) lately. I see lots on Craigs list. Good luck.