Sex with cpap user?

Hi All

My take on this is that as the husband gets more energy and drive with his therapy, he will be making sure that all these sex problems are solved. I don't think the Original Poster needs to worry at all, because she probably has a pleasant surprise coming her way.

But her concern is understandable, all we have to do is accept that the fears expressed in her post are probably exaggerated, like the fears expressed in many first posts are exaggerated.

Even so, a lot of good information and ideas have come out of this thread.

cheers

Mars

After a while on CPAP he'll be less tired. Ask my wife, she'll testify that sex gets lots better then.

[Darth Vader voice] "Don't make me take this mask off."

OK, I found the conversation/thread and have read the comments. No, this is not a joke. I am a senior citizen and am not used to technology at all, much less in the bedroom. My husband is very tired and I am willing to do whatever it takes to help him. However, I am, as the one person said, also selfish. I also want to sleep myself. And maybe young people think that sleeping next to Darth Vader is sexy, but I just find it scary and gives me nightmares. I guess I am too old and not tech-savvy or cool enough for this kind of conversation, so I will drop out and go back to trying to work it out alone. My husband needs sleep and I will do what I can to help. Goodbye and good luck to everyone who is mastering this new technology.

Hi "old lady" -- I do think that some of the messages in this thread were somewhat harsh, but I also think they contained a dose of reality.

I invite you to stop thinking about "sleep" and "sex" as the same. They are not. If you feel you cannot sleep next to your husband while he is wearing a CPAP machine, then you can sleep somewhere else. But that does not mean you will need to give up your sex life. You don't have sex while you are sleeping, do you? They aren't the same.

This whole CPAP adventure will likely require you to address your fears and anxieties, whatever they are, about sleep, sex, intimacy, machines, etc. If you actually do this, and allow your husband the space to address HIS own fears and anxieties, you will likely find that the emotional intimacy that develops brings more to your sex life than anything else could.

I suggest you probably need to do MORE talking, not less. And this board has LOTS of people who are committed to their therapy and to making it work. ALL of us have had to deal with a huge range of anxieties and concerns about our treatment or the treatment of people close to us. I don't honestly know where you could find this kind of CPAP-specific support anywhere else "offline."

I am worried that you are committed to your point of view -- that you feel as though you "cannot" change, learn new things, take on new challenges, see the world from a different place. I hope both for your sake and especially for your husband's that you are willing to be something other than a victim of your circumstances -- your age, his OSA and his CPAP. What if things were not as they seem to you now? What if you were willing to go beyond what you "know" to be true about yourself and life? There's a whole world of well-being available to you but it is beyond where you are currently stopping in your personal growth and development. C'mon and take a few steps into the unknown! It WON'T kill you and it may save your husband's life (and your sex life!)

I guess I am too old and not tech-savvy or cool enough for this kind of conversation,

There are probably lots of people your age on this board, Age doesn't get you a pass for ignorance, lack of effort or get you a pat on the head.

old lady wrote: .......... I am a senior citizen and am not used to technology at all, much less in the bedroom. ...........

Your age is not the problem. I know plenty of young people who have stupid ideas and are ignorant about sleep apnea. On the other hand, there are many very elderly people who are enlightened and educated on the subject and keep up with all the new technologies in machines, algorithms, and software. They are also great "in bed".

BTW, have you been screened for sleep-disordered breathing?

Why does she consider cpap "new technology"? It's a medical device not a computer. Most masks do not look like Darth Vader!! She needs educating and therapy.

I don't suppose you are still here, "old lady" but if you are, I am 70 years old and have been on cpap for almost 7 years. It has not affected my relationship with my husband in any way!

NO ONE is ever too old to learn! You used a computer to find and post on this forum. Great first step!! This is a matter of your husband's health so you must learn about it and accept it, if you want him around for a while.

cpap sleep partner wrote:M.... I dread having to sleep next to this robot monster mask every night. Any suggestions about how to keep my marriage while my husband tries to get a decent night's sleep?

Well, I'm sure there are mixed opinions, but you could look on the the device as a sex toy.. use your imagination;)

--G

Me! Me! Me!

...oh, I saw the topic and thought I had stumbled onto craigslist. Never mind...

Cpapsleeppartner,

Nothing has changed. Your husband still loves you, and intimacy and cuddling are still just as possible as they were before. Get him a mask with a quick disconnect. Let him know you are interested and you will be amazed at how quickly the mask will come off! And with CPAP you will have him around for intimacy and cuddling for a lot longer than without it.

BlackSpinner wrote:

I guess I am too old and not tech-savvy or cool enough for this kind of conversation,

There are probably lots of people your age on this board, Age doesn't get you a pass for ignorance, lack of effort or get you a pat on the head.

Amen! Well said BlackSpinner!
There is therapy for OSA. Ignorance, on the other hand, is pretty much terminal.

My wife can't stand the machine either. But thanks to this modern marvel of medical machinery, our love life has improved. Gone are the morning headaches, the grumpiness and mood swings. Gone are the "not-right-now-I'm-too-tired" excuses. Also gone is the 3 minute whammy.

We sleep in separate rooms and that has been the best thing in the world for both of us. As a result we spend MORE time cuddling and being intimate. We also have much more quality uninterupted sleep.

CPAP isn't the problem but it seems many sure are willing to make it the excuse.

old lady wrote:And maybe young people think that sleeping next to Darth Vader is sexy, but I just find it scary and gives me nightmares.

That is still your husband under the mask... and the equipment is nothing to be scared of particularly when it will help your husband avoid health issues and feel better rested.

old lady wrote:I guess I am too old and not tech-savvy or cool enough for this kind of conversation

...but you started this conversation.

I will be more charitable than some of you...and acknowledge that this can be a real concern. Yes, I can separate sleep from sex but sex and intimacy are very closely related in my mind and I do believe the CPAP interferes with intimacy. I for one find that I force myself to sleep facing away from my BF. I'd like to sleep at least sometime face-to-face but won't do that with a mask on. I also love to fall asleep in his arms and either need to do that and then wake up and put the mask on or else just not fall asleep that way. Neither optimal in my view. Thankfully, it was my BF who suggested a sleep study and he's been very supportive of the machine.

I also cried the first day I put on my mask.

I hope the "old lady" and her partner can work things out.

Hubby and I mess around at all times of the day. Bedtime is not sex time. Bed time is sleep time. Sex is just a bonus

Me being on CPAP has not changed our sex life. Sure he doesn't get to sneak into bed after I do and do naughty things to me because I'm most likely zonked out from the Ambien, but we've joked about the Ambien side effects and wanting to "test" to see just how good the sex would be. We haven't done that yet, but I'm sure if it happens, I'll report it.

If he's off on the weekends, I'm usually up before he is, so I get the chance to snuggle and have my way then. Again, CPAP has not interfered with our sex life. We're also pretty young (mid 30s).