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General Discussion on any topic relating to CPAP and/or Sleep Apnea.
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mikemoran
 
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Sermon on The Mask (Humor)

Postby mikemoran on Sun Sep 02, 2007 10:38 am

Oh ye of so little sleep, take comfort in the knowledge that your breathering will be by your bedside.

Yea as you walk through the lobby of the sleep lab, do not fear for insurance will deliver you from the exorbitant expense. As you suffer through the trials and tribulations of wire harnesses and a demanding bladder, trust in those plastic sheets beneath you. And if those angels of REM hear your sounds of supplication, they may descend upon you. Glory in knowing that you have been found worthy and soon will experience the “Laying On of the Mask”.

So touched, you may even experience the divine grace of uninterrupted slumber. But this gift is not yours to keep, and you will be thrown out of paradise without even a shower to sooth you from your loss. For this heaven doesn’t stock towels nor pay overtime. Don’t lose faith. Rely on those fateful words you heard as you arose, “ I am pretty sure you got it, but the doctor will need to study the results and let you know for sure.”

Truly, those months of deliberation can turn into an eternity. But pray that your paperwork has not been lost and await your deliverance. One day it will come, born upon the arms of the RT. That agent of DME, will guide you on your way. Making you exalt to the wonders of ramp, imparting the knowledge from those ancient scrolls discovered when you device was first transported to the warehouse ten long years ago.

And then you are left alone to marvel in the trappings of your new existence. For in the divine wisdom of the medical universe only you can secure your salvation. Now is your true test.

My friends you will suffer. From the moment you forget where to attach that clip, till you hear the crack against your beside table as you free yourself from its embrace. Tho it may stab at your nostrils with the chill of the unheated humidifier, or blat ululations that even you couldn’t utter in all your glory. It is not its fault, it is there for you and only for your good.

Sure you could blame those that dine from the altar of insurance re-imbursement. The silicone crafters, who inhabit the temple of “One Size Fits Most Everyone, But You”. The DMEs, who gather the same manna regardless of the year of creation. And we must not forget, those diligent souls who couldn’t help themselves from falling asleep during the part about laying down for fittings.

Such blame would serve no purpose and only lead you astray from you destination. For though the trials of the hose be many, they pale in comparison to the burden you would bare taking on the gods of medical insurance.

So you ask “What can one do?” You are not alone, look around you, there are those of us that have suffered such as you. We drew strength from our congregation and learned the secrets of pantyhose and scrunchy. Taught one another to fight for the APAP of our choosing.
Yes, you have been tested and the struggles seem many. But have faith that salvation isn’t a myth. There are many amongst us who have fought the good fight and are reaping the rewards of heavenly rest. You too soon will join us.

So I say unto you,

“For the sake of yourself and your loved ones. Lay down, strap on and blow up”


Now let us turn to our hymnals, page 237, and sing “Inflation, Inflation, Saves me from Expiration”

(Mike Moran trying to reverent)


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Kattitude
 
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Postby Kattitude on Sun Sep 02, 2007 11:20 am

Good job Brother Mike! May your words of wisdom Bless many lives! :D

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RiverDave
 
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Postby RiverDave on Sun Sep 02, 2007 12:33 pm

Priceless, just priceless! I'm still laughing.

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papdaddy
 
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Postby papdaddy on Sun Sep 02, 2007 12:41 pm

Can I Get an AMEN :D

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goose
 
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Postby goose on Sun Sep 02, 2007 1:32 pm

Halleluiah – The masses hath been delivered from the abyss of breathlessness into the world of higher energy.
Let us Pray:


Our Condition, who robs us of air
Shallow be thy breath
Thy kingdom choked
By airways blocked
In the chair as well as in bed
Give us this night our pressured breath
And let us forgive our leaks
For we hath control of the kingdom of air
For breathing, for breathing, for breathing
Amen…….


Rev. Dr. Goose, DD

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Last edited by goose on Sun Sep 02, 2007 4:56 pm, edited 2 times in total.
Wars arise from a failure to understand one another's humanness. Instead of summit meetings, why not have families meet for a picnic and get to know each other while the children play together?

-the Dalai Lama

jimbassett
 
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Postby jimbassett on Sun Sep 02, 2007 2:18 pm

Now thats funny I don't care who you are. I'm still laughing after reading it three times. Good words and work of art Sir!!! jim

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j.a.taylor
 
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Re: Sermon on The Mask (Humor)

Postby j.a.taylor on Sun Sep 02, 2007 6:07 pm

mikemoran wrote:So I say unto you,

“For the sake of yourself and your loved ones. Lay down, strap on and blow up”


Now let us turn to our hymnals, page 237, and sing “Inflation, Inflation, Saves me from Expiration”


mikemoran wrote:
Let us Pray:


Our Condition, who robs us of air
Shallow be thy breath
Thy kingdom choked
By airways blocked
In the chair as well as in bed
Give us this night our pressured breath
And let us forgive our leaks
For we hath control of the kingdom of air
For breathing, for breathing, for breathing
Amen…….


Rev. Dr. Goose, DD


Wait! You forgot to take the offering!
John A. Taylor

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Bookbear
 
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Postby Bookbear on Sun Sep 02, 2007 9:15 pm

Amen and Hallelujah, Brother! :lol:

Book(Elmer Gantry)bear


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ozij
 
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Postby ozij on Mon Sep 03, 2007 4:40 am

Marvelous !!!!

Now thats funny I don't care who you are. I'm still laughing after reading it three times. Good words and work of art Sir!!! jim


As for you, Jim - just do a search for posts by mikemoran - you're in for a treat.

I'd say Mike is our resident breath of fresh air, but he's much more - our hurricane of humor (if hurricanes weren't distructive....)

Amen, Mike.

O.

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tuna
 
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Postby tuna on Mon Sep 03, 2007 8:45 am

What a breathe of (xPAP) fresh air that brings! :D

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stitcher72062
 
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Postby stitcher72062 on Mon Sep 03, 2007 5:30 pm

Goose i thought your paryer was good, but a little short

i added a few lines here is my version


Our condition, who robs us of air
Shallow be thy breath.
Thy kingdom choked
By airways blocked
In the chair, as well as in bed.
Give us this night, our pressured breath
And let us forgive our leaks,
As we work with ill fitting maks
And thought of evil for DME's.
For we hath control of our kingdom of air,
For breathing,
For sleeping,
And just for being.
AMEN[/b]


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stitcher72062
 
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Postby stitcher72062 on Mon Sep 03, 2007 5:33 pm

sorry i mispelled masks

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sleepycarol
 
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Postby sleepycarol on Mon Sep 03, 2007 5:46 pm

We all can use a little humor -- Thanks!!! :D

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gasparama
 
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Postby gasparama on Mon Sep 03, 2007 7:40 pm

You are one of the reasons that I have to check this message board everyday. That was, shall we say, "Glorious"!

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goose
 
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Postby goose on Mon Sep 03, 2007 9:58 pm

Hey stitcher -- like your ending!!
I tried to keep bad vibes about DME's etc. out -- but it works!!!
Always like short prayers too..... :lol:

cheers
goose


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Mask: Mirage Activa™ Nasal CPAP Mask with Headgear
Humidifier: HC150 Heated Humidifier With Hose, 2 Chambers and Stand
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Additional Comments: Also Use ComfortGel (s); Headrest (XL) and a PAP-Cap.
Wars arise from a failure to understand one another's humanness. Instead of summit meetings, why not have families meet for a picnic and get to know each other while the children play together?

-the Dalai Lama

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