love/hate frustration

I've been using a cpap machine for almost 6 months now.

Pretty sure it's a ResMed but I'm not at home to confirm, I also use a nose mask with nasal pillows. I was diagnosed with moderate OSA (25-29 AHI), and the cpap seems highly effective, most nights my AHI is between .5 and 2.3. I start at 4 and ramp to 10 with a humidity setting of 4-5. And I've never had a problem falling asleep with it on at night, (in the morning is a whole different issue).

As a programmer, I can tell that the cpap helps me concentrate and focus more at work. I can also tell it helps me have more energy throughout the day. I 100% know that the cpap is helping. However...

I hate it!

I'm a very introverted person who loves touch. My wife loves talking, and we've only been married 3.5 years. We also (to both our joy and *cough* surprise) now have a 1 year old. Before either the kid or the Cpap we'd already established a bedtime routine of cuddling and talking (I get touch she gets talk) as we fell asleep. This became even more important to us after the baby came cause it was basically our only time together without the kid. But now... I have this thing strapped to my face, this giant plastic hose, which makes it so I can't talk, I can't sleep on my side turned towards her (I've tried, tube going over my shoulder or face or up my forehead bothers me for some reason way more then the rest of it), and frankly even though my wife has been very very supportive I just feel like I look stupid.

Not to mention the whole thing is expensive and a huge hassle. Having to wash down the mask every day, fill up the water tank with distilled water every other night, (I live in a place where the average humidity is 30%), change the filters, on and on, I mean some of you guys have been doing this for years, you know way better then me what it takes.

Finally, I deal with major clinical depression, which I got under control after 9 years and accepted that I'll probably always have to watch and take medication for for the rest of my life. So I'm having a hard time accepting yet another treatment, which doesn't cure the problem, that I'll have to do forever.

I find myself staying up late, well past when my wife falls asleep, both so we can still have our time together and to put off putting the mask on. Obviously this isn't really healthy and I'm at a loss as to what I should do (besides what my brain says is logically obvious, which is suck it up and deal with it).

Any advice?

Has it not occurred to anyone that at least a part of your depression may well have been due to OSA? So many here have gone through that diagnosis only to realize after being on Cpap that it gets so much better, if not resolves entirely. I also mention it because you may be on meds which, while helping your depression, may interfere somehow with your sleep/cpap now, though you say you feel better, and you may want to talk to your MD about it, whether you need the same dose now, or the same meds, what time of day to take it, etc.

I also do understand how you feel about 'lights out' times, but very many people have adapted, worked out new 'routines', silly Darth Vader games even, and I would hope the fact you'll be around to see "the kid" (doesn't he/she have a name, a gender?) grow up with a father who's present, and not half asleep?

Anyhow, I think once you get into a routine, things will feel better, and hopefully you can find new ways to enjoy each other that you might not have otherwise considered before (think Kama Sutra ).

And consider this too - technology's moving pretty quickly these days, you may well not have to be on Cpap forever at all... you never know what might be ahead. Be careful about the staying up late, etc. stuff though - you really don't want to mess up your bio. clock/sleep/Cpap etc. by doing that.

Julie - My symptoms of OSA appeared years after depression, and I got the depression under control before ever being diagnosed with OSA. If I hadn't, I doubt I would of thought to check with someone about a sleeping disorder as I never had a problem falling or staying asleep. There is also a strong genetic link in my case to depressive disorders. Despite all that, I have, and still am, working with my doctor to monitor the cpap's effect on my mood and medications.

And I acknowledge that the cpap helps me keep up with my wonderful little Aleena. However, we've been working on adapting and working on new routines for 6 months now, (I've seen the 1-2 week posts on here, and I've read other advice posts here too) and my frustration with the machine has only been getting bigger, not smaller. Which is why I finally decided I'd make a post myself.

So are you saying, stick it out 6 more months? a year? At what point are a majority of people adapted to it? At what point if I haven't adapted yet, should I say my resentment and frustration (and anti-mask late-night behavior) worse for me then trying an alternative?

I use a full-face mask, the hose snaps on, and its easy to talk with the mask on if I wait to connect the hose until I'm ready for sleeping. I like to read in bed before turning the light out but I can't wear my glasses with the mask on and I can't read w/o them, so the mask goes on the nightstand while I read. When I put the book down for the night I take the glasses off and put on the mask w/o getting out of bed. Could you try waiting until the talking/touching is finished, and put the mask on at the last minute?

I've been using cpap since Feb. '14, and hated the mask for a couple of months, but as I acclimated to it I it became routine for me, and I no longer hate it. It took several months for the transition out of hate, and even less time to be able to sleep through the night with the mask.

EDIT: Feb. 2013, not '14, was when I started this therapy.

sleepy_rand wrote:
Not to mention the whole thing is expensive and a huge hassle. Having to wash down the mask every day, fill up the water tank with distilled water every other night, (I live in a place where the average humidity is 30%), change the filters, on and on, I mean some of you guys have been doing this for years, you know way better then me what it takes.



Any advice?

None of these are necessary......Top off the tank every night. If you are using distilled water the tank will remain clean. Distilled water is less than a dollar in most stores. Wipe the mask nightly with a baby wipe...no need to clean it daily. Most machines need filter changes every 3-6 months if you are in a clean environment....Sounds to me that you are looking for excuses. No hassle...no extra expense.

None of these are necessary......Top off the tank every night. If you are using distilled water the tank will remain clean. Distilled water is less than a dollar in most stores. Wipe the mask nightly with a baby wipe...no need to clean it daily. Most machines need filter changes every 3-6 months if you are in a clean environment....Sounds to me that you are looking for excuses. No hassle...no extra expense.

By expense I meant the initial investment, stings I guess, it's hard forking lots of money over for something you don't like .

As for the rest, guess we differ on what we find a hassle. Though I'll have to try the wiping down the mask suggestion, I haven't done that.

Thanks.

@Library Lady, my wife says when I first got the mask I did that, before I started the delaying tactic. So I guess I'll have to try that again, thanks for the suggestion.

Hey sleepy_rand - Big ups to you for having the courage to seek help for your depression and more so for doing the hard work it takes to get it under control. It's not easy and can be a really long journey, so it's understandable why OSA is sending you for a bit of a loop. It rocks multiple parts of your life, but it sounds like you're doing a great job to stay aware of how it's affecting you, your relationships, and doing the best you can.

That said, just wanted to mention that if you are working with a therapist in regards to the major depression, that it might be worth mentioning some of what you shared here with them. They can help with processing it all and work with you on coping through it.

sleepy_rand,

I've been using my machine for 4 years now. Like you, I am/was in IT. I found out very quickly, as did you, that my concentration and ability to remember was greatly improved using my CPAP. I use it every night and even if I take a nap. As for the other side of the coin. Yes, I would love to bury my face in my pillow again. Yes, I would love to watch TV in bed without risking falling asleep. My wife would LOVE to sleep without the cold air blast from my mask, but I know what the therapy has and is doing for my health and mental awareness and for me it is worth the other challenges.

I go in for my follow up visit to my ENT (the second one since the original diagnosis) and will take with me all my recorded data. In the past three years, I missed using the equipment 3 days (er nights) and this was due to working on an overnight migration. I hope to get some new equipment that is maybe a bit quieter and less ehaust from a mask. We'll see.

As for my equipment, my nasal mask (Swift FX) headgear is relatively loose and slips on and off without having to readjust the straps (I even sewed one as the Velcro quit sticking) so putting the mask on is simple. My wife and I talk and when it is time, I grab my mask and go to sleep.

Sorry about the length of this missive, my main point is if you know the therapy is helpful then the other stuff is just that...stuff.

Take care,
-tino

I'm a very introverted person who loves touch. My wife loves talking, and we've only been married 3.5 years. We also (to both our joy and *cough* surprise) now have a 1 year old. Before either the kid or the Cpap we'd already established a bedtime routine of cuddling and talking (I get touch she gets talk) as we fell asleep. This became even more important to us after the baby came cause it was basically our only time together without the kid. But now... I have this thing strapped to my face, this giant plastic hose, which makes it so I can't talk, I can't sleep on my side turned towards her (I've tried, tube going over my shoulder or face or up my forehead bothers me for some reason way more then the rest of it), and frankly even though my wife has been very very supportive I just feel like I look stupid.

The big thing is to keep talking. And like they say with condoms "Make to putting it on part of the the play" . You are very lucky to have a supportive spouse, we get lots of posts here about the unsupportive ones! Look for them and thank her for her awesome love. Watch some of the para-olympics and get some perspective.

Who else wears a mask? Fighter pilots, astronauts, divers, firefighters.....

Your meds: Once the therapy kicks in (and yes a programmer can tell right away!) evaluate your meds with your doctor and pharmacy. Sleeping properly seems to affect how they are processed by your body, even caffeine seems to have a triple punch. Many people on this site have found they must reduce the dosages. BUT do this with the help of your professionals.