My new approach - feedback requested

[jjmahern]

In order not to be so tired that I try to harm myself or lose my job, I've decided a new approach to my cpap. I will go to bed at the same time every night and put it on. I will read and/or try to go to sleep. I will give myself an hour to fall asleep with the machine on. If I do fall asleep, wonderful. If I don't, I will take it off and let myself try to sleep without it without any guilt or negativity or worry. This way even if I can't fall asleep with it, at least ill have some chance if getting some sleep so I can get up and work in the morning. I will not go to bed thinking I will or won't be who to sleep with it but I won't kick myself if I can't. Doesn't that seem like a reasonable solution? Just trying to make it so that I'm giving it a real go but I'm also allowing myself to sleep without it if I need to for my own sanity. What do you guys think?

[ughwhatname]

I found that going to bed, putting it on, and then reading for a bit of time helped me in the beginning. I think its a sound strategy.

It sounds like giving yourself freedom to stop using it for the night might give you the freedom to not resent it, thereby ending up successful, eventually.

I like it.

[kaiasgram]

jj, I'm happy you posted this update. For being as in despair and severely sleep deprived as you have been, I am truly impressed that you have regrouped the way you have. Like I said earlier, you are fighting the good fight.

I understand your approach and it makes sense as a way to disengage from the struggle you were in and come back to this with a different strategy. I'm wishing you an unconditionally good night's sleep and I hope you'll let us know how it's going.

Warmly, kaiasgram

[ems]

In order not to be so tired that I try to harm myself or lose my job, I've decided a new approach to my cpap. I will go to bed at the same time every night and put it on. I will read and/or try to go to sleep. I will give myself an hour to fall asleep with the machine on. If I do fall asleep, wonderful. If I don't, I will take it off and let myself try to sleep without it without any guilt or negativity or worry. This way even if I can't fall asleep with it, at least ill have some chance if getting some sleep so I can get up and work in the morning. I will not go to bed thinking I will or won't be who to sleep with it but I won't kick myself if I can't. Doesn't that seem like a reasonable solution? Just trying to make it so that I'm giving it a real go but I'm also allowing myself to sleep without it if I need to for my own sanity. What do you guys think?

Sounds like a very reasonable solution and a good decision. Sending positive thoughts to you!

[49er]

In order not to be so tired that I try to harm myself or lose my job, I've decided a new approach to my cpap. I will go to bed at the same time every night and put it on. I will read and/or try to go to sleep. I will give myself an hour to fall asleep with the machine on. If I do fall asleep, wonderful. If I don't, I will take it off and let myself try to sleep without it without any guilt or negativity or worry. This way even if I can't fall asleep with it, at least ill have some chance if getting some sleep so I can get up and work in the morning. I will not go to bed thinking I will or won't be who to sleep with it but I won't kick myself if I can't. Doesn't that seem like a reasonable solution? Just trying to make it so that I'm giving it a real go but I'm also allowing myself to sleep without it if I need to for my own sanity. What do you guys think?

Like it.

49er

[pats]

In order not to be so tired that I try to harm myself or lose my job, I've decided a new approach to my cpap. I will go to bed at the same time every night and put it on. I will read and/or try to go to sleep. I will give myself an hour to fall asleep with the machine on. If I do fall asleep, wonderful. If I don't, I will take it off and let myself try to sleep without it without any guilt or negativity or worry. This way even if I can't fall asleep with it, at least ill have some chance if getting some sleep so I can get up and work in the morning. I will not go to bed thinking I will or won't be who to sleep with it but I won't kick myself if I can't. Doesn't that seem like a reasonable solution? Just trying to make it so that I'm giving it a real go but I'm also allowing myself to sleep without it if I need to for my own sanity. What do you guys think?

I found a bedside TV, or in my case a Kindle Fire playing a video, was even better than a book for this. With a book, I had to make a decision to put it down, and once I did that I was officially trying to sleep and frustration could set in. With a video, I could tell myself I was just relaxing with the APAP on, lying down completely physically relaxed with the lights out. I picked documentaries that were interesting enough to prevent frustration if I stayed awake, but not gripping enough to keep me awake. For your one hour strategy I would pick a one hour program, and take the mask off if you are still awake when the program ends. That reduces clock-watching, which can interfere with sleep.

[jjmahern]

Well I didn't take anything to sleep last night and gave myself an hour on the machine from 9:30 to 10:30, but no sleep. So then I gave myself another hour without the machine and no sleep. I then went out to living room and fell asleep at 2:15 in front of tv. I got less than four hours and now I have to go to work. Not sure what to do but ill try to hang on today.

[nanwilson]

JJ
I liked your solution and when i read it I hoped it would work for you. A positive attitude is the only way to go...and you will make a success of it. In your last posst you said you didn't take anything before bed.......I have been on 20 mg of amytriptoline (elavil) at bedtime for 9 years...works like a charm. I use to wake up about 1am and not be able to get back to sleep, once I started on the elavil I no longer do that. I will get up between 1 and 2am and go to the bathroom, but will get right back to bed and fall asleep right away. I get 8 hours of good restorative sleep with absolutely no groggyness in the morning. If your doctor has prescribed a sleep aid, then perhaps you should con tinue on it until you have mastered your insomnia. Good luck on your continued journey to better sleep and a restful life.
Cheers
Nan

[portiemom]

Thanks to Pugsey, I take the same medication as Nanwilson and it has made all the difference in the world for my restorative sleep! For years I've been faithful to my cpap, but had so many wakeful periods through the night that it caused me to lay awake wondering why I couldn't make cpap work, now I feel way more rested when I get up for work. Sending positive vibes your way!!

[squid13]

Thanks to Pugsey I also take amytriptoline at bedtime usually about a 1/2 hour before going to bed. I take 30MG and works real well.

[kaiasgram]

Well I didn't take anything to sleep last night and gave myself an hour on the machine from 9:30 to 10:30, but no sleep. So then I gave myself another hour without the machine and no sleep. I then went out to living room and fell asleep at 2:15 in front of tv. I got less than four hours and now I have to go to work. Not sure what to do but ill try to hang on today.

This is where you really have to believe in your new approach, even though it didn't go exactly according to plan the first night, i.e., you didn't fall asleep right away once you took off the mask. But likely your 'psyche' wasn't caught up to the new plan yet. I think the most important aspect of the approach you're now trying is the acceptance part -- accepting if the hour on the mask doesn't work, and also accepting taking it off in order to sleep. If it was a disappointment that you didn't fall asleep once you took the mask off, it doesn't mean your plan didn't work, it may just mean you need more time with it. So my suggestion is don't abandon your new strategy, I think it has real potential. At its core it's a ZEN plan, going with the flow (no reference to cpap air flow intended!) of whatever is happening. I hope you're able to hang in there today, and go right back to your plan again tonight.

Question: During that first hour with the machine, were you reading or listening to music?

Question 2: Is 9:30 your usual bedtime? I remember you said you were going to go to bed at the same time to be consistent and establish a routine, and I think that's a great idea -- but if the bedtime you chose is new for you (i.e. earlier or later than would have been typical for you), then I'd expect it to take a little while to settle into the new time.

All this is to say 'you go girl' ! Give your mind and body time to accept the new rhythm you've decided on, and I think this could work for you.

[ems]

After doing well for sometime, last night was much like yours. I was very restless and kept dozing off and waking up. At some point I thought *^&%# this, took the mask off and went to sleep - not annoyed at myself at all, will try again tonight. I've learned from past experience that if I get angry at myself it goes from being angry to a pity party. So, not even annoyed... mask goes back on tonite.

I agree with K above... you go girl!

[jjmahern]

I was reading a book for most of it and laying and trying to count my breaths to help fall asleep for the rest.

[pats]

Well I didn't take anything to sleep last night and gave myself an hour on the machine from 9:30 to 10:30, but no sleep. So then I gave myself another hour without the machine and no sleep. I then went out to living room and fell asleep at 2:15 in front of tv. I got less than four hours and now I have to go to work. Not sure what to do but ill try to hang on today.

Despite this result, I think you are on a good track with your new approach. Not taking sleep medications you are used to, even if you have removed the reason you needed them, can make it harder to sleep. I would continue the medications for a few nights of the one hour strategy, and then if all is well reduce them gradually.

Especially when sleeping without the mask, an hour is probably too long to lie awake in bed. If I were awake that long I would go downstairs, make myself a warm milky drink, and sit watching something unimportant on TV while I drink it before going back to bed.

I know the first thing is to get back into a pattern of sleeping most of the night, but don't lose sight of the fact that there may be physical issues with your mask or machine settings that are making it unnecessarily hard to sleep with the CPAP. Discussing your machine and mask, and how it feels when you try to sleep with them, may get you some practical advice. For many people, finding a mask that really works for them is an extended process.

[kaiasgram]

I was reading a book for most of it and laying and trying to count my breaths to help fall asleep for the rest.

A little fine tuning suggestion to take or leave as you see fit... Counting your breaths to help fall asleep might be counter to what you're trying to do, because it could too easily get you focused on the hoped-for outcome and pull you back into the struggle and frustration. The spirit of your new approach is focusing on your process, as I understand it, not the outcome, at least not right now. For now, if you go to bed at the time you've commited to and follow the plan you've created, then you have succeeded regardless of whether or not you fall asleep on (or even off) the machine. Of course the ultimate goal is being able to fall asleep and sleep well on the machine, but I'm thinking a shorter term goal of just following your new plan and staying relaxed with it would be best for 'Phase 1' so to speak.

If counting helps you to relax your mind and body while you're doing it, then do continue -- just try to stay in the present moment with it and not get into anticipation of an outcome with it. I hope this makes sense!

Best wishes.