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Hey Jonathon,

I just read your post and it is fairly heartbreaking. Please accept my condolences for losing your friend and sister.

I can tell that you are heartbroken. I wish I had some words of wisdom to help get you over this difficult time.

I promise to keep you'll in my prayers.

I'm so very sorry for your loss.

With sympathy,
TheWino

I want to thank everyone here for being so very very kind in their comments to me. It really made a huge differenece although I'm embarrassed to admit at how depressed and out of it i remain. So far i've been unable to use the cpap at all as i feel that i am being smothered by it but i only sleep a couple of hours anyway and that mainly involves dozing off with the TV and lights on. I thank you all for your kindness in takng out the time and effort to try to reduce my suffering.

johnthomasmacdonald wrote:I want to thank everyone here for being so very very kind in their comments to me. It really made a huge differenece although I'm embarrassed to admit at how depressed and out of it i remain. So far i've been unable to use the cpap at all as i feel that i am being smothered by it but i only sleep a couple of hours anyway and that mainly involves dozing off with the TV and lights on. I thank you all for your kindness in takng out the time and effort to try to reduce my suffering.

{{{{{HUGS}}}}}

This forum really pulls together to help hold people's head above water. I am glad you are doing a bit better.

(Maybe you want to put that cpap machine on while watching tv)

Hi John, I'm so glad you checked in. The embarrassment you mentioned about your grief adds an extra layer of suffering and you don't deserve that. Our culture is pretty intolerant of bereavement compared to other cultures. We expect people to "get over" profound losses rather quickly and it's not realistic.

I remember you wrote last summer about having trouble using the machine after you had suffered the loss of your beloved dog and a couple of us could relate to the isolating, "smothering" feeling you described. I know you'll get back on the machine when you're ready.

Thanks for the update and please take care of yourself.

johnthomasmacdonald wrote:I want to thank everyone here for being so very very kind in their comments to me. It really made a huge differenece although I'm embarrassed to admit at how depressed and out of it i remain.

You are being perfectly normal and undergoing perfectly normal responses. Don't worry about it. Let it happen, and you will heal in due time.

So far i've been unable to use the cpap at all as i feel that i am being smothered by it but i only sleep a couple of hours anyway and that mainly involves dozing off with the TV and lights on. I thank you all for your kindness in takng out the time and effort to try to reduce my suffering.

We aren't generally inclined to cast grief and sorrow in a positive light, but I will. Why is it positive? Because the depth of pain, sorrow, anguish, anger, and grief you feel at the loss of someone is a direct measure of the depth of love you had for that person. The greater the love, the greater the sense of loss. You loved much, you lost much, you hurt much. Be thankful for that.

We have all witnessed your kindness and generosity, many times over. Wishing you well.

HoseCrusher wrote:You were there with her and she had a much better life because you were around.

John... I hope you will allow yourself to believe this. I think it will help you heal.

johnthomasmacdonald wrote:I want to thank everyone here for being so very very kind in their comments to me. It really made a huge differenece although I'm embarrassed to admit at how depressed and out of it i remain. So far i've been unable to use the cpap at all as i feel that i am being smothered by it but i only sleep a couple of hours anyway and that mainly involves dozing off with the TV and lights on. I thank you all for your kindness in takng out the time and effort to try to reduce my suffering.

John,

You are grieving the loss of someone you deeply loved. It will take as long as it takes.

And you will get back on the cpap machine when you are ready.

HUGS!

49er