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Madalot wrote:My own family was pretty bad for a while. My brother told me flat out that I didn't have Muscular Dystrophy, which I found really strange. My sisters were quietly questioning everything until I was visiting one of them and we were going out to dinner. As I was getting into their car, as I lifted my one leg into the car, the muscles in my other leg gave out and I ended up on my back in their driveway. Hit my head pretty good as well.

My sister was visibly shaken by it, but it was that incident that proved to her this was no laughing or non serious issue. It was also the LAST time I got into or out of a vehicle like that without my husbanding standing right there to support me if my muscles gave out.

Disease progression has forced me to use my chair to go places now, so something like that isn't likely to occur again. It's a shame it had to happen to PROVE to my family that I wasn't faking the issue or the severity of it. And if that was necessary for family, no way could I expect strangers to "get it."

Wow Madalot, I am stunned that your family would question you having muscular dystrophy as I always thought this was mostly an issue with invisible disabilities. So while I appreciate you letting me know that it also applies to visible disabilities, I am very saddened to hear you were doubted in light of everything you have to deal with.
It is a shame it took those incidents and a worsening of your disease for your family to understand but I am glad they came around.

49er

When family members are in denial, it usually means they are afraid THEY could get it.
If you feel like being a little mean, just suggest they aren't 100% sure if it is genetic or not.

chunkyfrog wrote:When family members are in denial, it usually means they are afraid THEY could get it.
If you feel like being a little mean, just suggest they aren't 100% sure if it is genetic or not.

That would be fun, but at this stage of my life, it isn't worth it to me. The ONLY person that gets it, 100%, is my husband because he lives with me and sees it for himself first hand. He the ONLY person in my life that never judges me. I think he sees that I do as much as I am able and frequently do more than I should, ultimately paying a huge price that HE has to deal with later.

I remember getting into a "discussion" with a family member about why I can't grocery shop. This person kept insisting that I could and that it wasn't right that I had my husband do it. He was ignorantly equating it to how my husband works all day and I sit around "doing nothing." I tried explaining politely about how I can't lift a gallon of milk, let alone try to get it in and out of the shopping cart (which I can't push from my power chair!!). He said that people in the store would help me and help me put it in the car, so what was the problem???

I finally got mad and said "That's all good and fine but are they going to come home with me, TOO, and bring it all in the house and put it away for me as well????" He admitted that they won't, but still insisted that I should be able to do it.

This person just won't get it no matter what, because he doesn't want to get it, so the easiest thing is just not to discuss anything pertaining to my limitations.

Madalot; I believe he IS afraid it could happen to him.
His denial seems ignorant and uncaring, but I sense a lot of FEAR there, too.
It would be cruel to suggest genetics--he could be already thinking that way.

chunkyfrog wrote:Madalot; I believe he IS afraid it could happen to him.
His denial seems ignorant and uncaring, but I sense a lot of FEAR there, too.
It would be cruel to suggest genetics--he could be already thinking that way.

This particular family member is part of my extended family, not my biological family, so I think this might not be what is driving him. I think he's just ignorant.

But my biological family, you're probably right.

I don't have an issue with anyone who has handicap tags or a placard, but the judgment comes rolling out if I see someone who appears healthy, possibly even running across the drive aisle to the store, and they don't have either of those.

I have a very dear friend who has several different medical problems. She has very low energy, pain in almost all her muscles and joints that can range from minor to so severe she will sit in the floor rocking and crying. Some days it's all she can do to get out of bed; other days are "okay." She was finally approved for disability. Her doctor has offered to approve disability tags for her vehicle, and she's going to accept. Her husband is disabled, too, which makes things extremely difficult. She uses a Rollator walker so she can sit down if the pain in her feet gets unbearable. She doesn't go out often. Neither of them LOOK handicapped.

It took her about nine months with many visits to different doctors to find out what was wrong. And going back to what Blackspinner said about her sister, my friend is one who always likes to have her hair fixed, makeup on, and be dressed nicely (and it can take her hours to get that way now). Before her diagnosis, she actually had a DOCTOR tell her once that she looked too nice to feel very bad.

A lot of times I think the reason people park blocking part of a handicap space or are over the line is they''re too busy thinking about themselves and their errands, etc., and just don't care about anything else. Self-absorbed.

Then you see the car parked across THREE handicap stalls, blocking all of them--but they had a permit!
I wanted to call it in, as they had no lift on the side; but I figured someone else would.

chunkyfrog wrote:Then you see the car parked across THREE handicap stalls, blocking all of them--but they had a permit!
I wanted to call it in, as they had no lift on the side; but I figured someone else would.

I think from now on, I'm going to take a picture with my phone and turn it in to the authorities. The woman the other day WAS disabled, but I still cannot figure out why on Earth she parked on the lines rather than in a parking space, especially since the lot was EMPTY.

I have to admit that I used my mother's hang tag after I had foot surgery and was on crutches. As to carts in the handicapped space, I have thought that they might be useful for the next patron to have for support as they go back into the store to shop. Now my pet peeve is the troglodyte who leaves the cart in the middle of the parking lot 2 or 3 spaces from the cart corral. I always try to collect carts on my way back into the store.

A temporary permit is usually good for 6 months, is free, and is better than a big fine.

WearyOne wrote: It took her about nine months with many visits to different doctors to find out what was wrong. And going back to what Blackspinner said about her sister, my friend is one who always likes to have her hair fixed, makeup on, and be dressed nicely (and it can take her hours to get that way now). Before her diagnosis, she actually had a DOCTOR tell her once that she looked too nice to feel very bad.

Yes this. And the disability/welfare people who ordered her to go to a psychiatrist for her "issues" because she looked too good. ( the psychiatrists wrote back to them saying the problem was in THEIR heads not hers) .

A lot of times I think the reason people park blocking part of a handicap space or are over the line is they''re too busy thinking about themselves and their errands, etc., and just don't care about anything else. Self-absorbed.

As an FYI, there are folks like me who have a hard time judging distances between parking spaces particularly if they are small and many times end up on the line or slightly over it. Usually, I catch my mistake and reposition the car as I don't want to make it hard on the next person who may try to park next to me. It is also in my best interest to reposition it so I don't get hit by someone who doesn't have enough room to park.

But if I happen to not notice my mistake which fortunately is rare, it isn't because I am selfish and don't care about anyone else. I think that is called being human.

Again, I think we have to be careful about making premature judgments about people without knowing their situation.

49er

It doesn't help that the spaces are being made narrower and narrower.
I've actually measured stall width at a Target; and discovered that the stalls farther away from the door were up to a half foot wider!
Yes, the frog is sometimes that anal!

49er wrote:Again, I think we have to be careful about making premature judgments about people without knowing their situation.

I agree. A little over the lines is a bit annoying, but I understand that sometimes people misjudge. Shoot, my husband does on occasion as well.

In the situation that prompted my original post, the woman parked on the lines, right beside my van/ramp door, in a totally empty parking lot. Plus, she left 4 open spaces CLOSER to the door, 2 of which were handicapped, not to mention the entire front side of the door which was also empty. The space we took, with the wide lines for the wheelchair & ramp, was down much further from the door.

If there is something else wrong with her that she didn't know what she was doing, she shouldn't be driving in the first place.

As of Oct 1, Florida has a $100 fine for parking on any part of the striped "loading area". This applies even to legitimate vehicle in a handicap space if they are over the line.