Page 29 of 39

Re: OT: Daily Funny bone

Posted: Sat Jun 13, 2015 7:47 pm
by postitnote
ChicagoGranny wrote:Chunkyfrog, You guys are fantastic!

https://vimeo.com/102872495
Those look like little penises not frogs!

Re: OT: Daily Funny bone

Posted: Sun Jun 14, 2015 6:11 pm
by Papit
THE LINEUP

A young man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over three women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry."

The mother agrees.

The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, "Okay, Ma, guess which one I'm going to marry."

She immediately replies, "The one in the middle."

"That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you know?"

"I don't like her."


______________________________________________

Re: OT: Daily Funny bone

Posted: Mon Jun 15, 2015 3:15 pm
by Papit
A Family Story

Dear Mom and Dad,

It has been six months since I left for college. I'm sorry I haven't
written more often and I'm very sorry for my un-thoughtfulness. I'm
sure you have been worried about me.

Let me bring you up to date, but before you read on, please sit down
Ok? Don't read any further unless you're sitting down.

Ok? Good.

I am getting along pretty well now. The skull fracture and the
concussion I got from jumping out of the window of the college dormitory when
it caught on fire several months ago, are pretty much healed now. I
only spent two weeks in the hospital! Mom always said the girls in
our family heal fast.

In fact, I can almost see normally again and I only get headaches
three times a day now.

Fortunately, the fire in the dormitory and my jump were witnessed by
a gas station attendant who immediately called 911. He's so sweet. He
even visited me in the hospital, and since I had nowhere to live
because of the burnt-out dorm, he was kind enough to invite me to
share his apartment with him. It's really a basement room, but it's
kind of cute.

He really is a good person with a kind heart. We have fallen deeply
in love and are planning to get married. We haven't set the exact
date yet, but I'm sure that it will be before I start to show. That's
right, Mom and Dad, I'm pregnant! I know how much you are looking
forward to being grandparents, and I know that you will give that
baby the same love, devotion and tender care you gave me when I was
growing up.

We would get married now, but we both failed our premarital blood
tests because of some minor infection. He told me about it
beforehand, but dumb me, I carelessly caught it anyway. Not to worry
though, the doctor said my daily penicillin injections should clear
it up by next month or maybe two.

I know you will welcome him into our family with open arms. He is
kind, and although not well educated, he is ambitious -- just like
Dad!

Sure he's got some medical conditions to deal with, but I know,
after all your years of teaching me tolerance, that you won't mind
the fact that he is a little different. I'm sure you will
love him as I do. His family background is good too! I am told that
his father is an important gun dealer in his village.
That's actually a very important government position where he comes from.
Well, I guess that's all! Now you know why I wanted you to sit down when
you read this letter. Ha, ha!

Oh, by the way, with everything that's been going on, my grades have dropped
quite a bit and the school has expelled me.

So the two of us will be coming home on Monday.

We love you,
Chelsea

Re: OT: Daily Funny bone

Posted: Thu Jun 18, 2015 8:19 am
by bryansong
My Living Will

Last night, my kids and I were sitting in the living room and I said to them,

"I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent of some machine, and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."

They got up, unplugged the computer, and threw out my wine.

I should have seen that coming...

Re: OT: Daily Funny bone

Posted: Sun Jun 21, 2015 3:46 pm
by Therapist
Papit wrote:Sure he's a different race and religion than ours, but I know,
after all your years of teaching me tolerance, that you won't mind
the fact that his appearance is a little different than ours. I'm sure you will
love him as I do. His family background is good too! I am told that
his father is an important gun dealer in his village.
That's actually a very important government position where he comes from.
Well, I guess that's all! Now you know why I wanted you to sit down when
you read this letter. Ha, ha!
This is bigoted and racist, Papit. It does not belong in this forum.

Re: OT: Daily Funny bone

Posted: Sun Jun 21, 2015 8:15 pm
by postitnote
Therapist wrote: This is bigoted and racist, Papit. It does not belong in this forum.
What part was racist? It was a joke!

Re: OT: Daily Funny bone

Posted: Sun Jun 21, 2015 10:17 pm
by ems
postitnote wrote:
Therapist wrote: This is bigoted and racist, Papit. It does not belong in this forum.
What part was racist? It was a joke!
#1 Perhaps the "Therapist" needs a Therapist?

Re: OT: Daily Funny bone

Posted: Mon Jun 22, 2015 4:01 pm
by Papit
Therapist, I don't see it that way and certainly nothing like that was intended. But I really don't mind being responsive to your sensitivity. So I changed some of the words. Hope it's better and funnier now.

Re: OT: Daily Funny bone

Posted: Mon Jun 22, 2015 5:20 pm
by Therapist
Papit wrote:I don't see it that way and certainly nothing like that was intended.
The majority of racists don't realize they are racists and protest if called on it.
Papit wrote:I changed some of the words. Hope it's better and funnier now.
So now you are making fun of people with medical conditions? I believe it never ends with you.

Re: OT: Daily Funny bone

Posted: Wed Jun 24, 2015 7:24 pm
by Papit
Pennies from Heaven

Little Jimmy was lying on a hill in the middle of a meadow on a warm spring
day. Puffy white clouds rolled by and he pondered their shape. Soon, he
began to think about God.

"God? Are you really there?" Jimmy said out loud. To his astonishment a voice
came from the clouds.

"Yes, Jimmy? What can I do for you?"

Seizing the opportunity, Jimmy asked, "God? What is a million years like to you?"

Knowing that Jimmy could not understand the concept of infinity, God responded
in a manner to which Jimmy could relate,

"A million years to me, Jimmy, is like a minute."

"Oh," said Jimmy. "Well, then, what's a million dollars like to you?"

"A million dollars to me, Jimmy, is like a penny."

"Wow!" remarked Jimmy, getting a bright idea. "You're so generous,
can I have one of your pennies?"

God replied, "Sure thing, Jimmy! Just a minute."

___________________

Not Safe for Office

Posted: Tue Jun 30, 2015 3:12 pm
by ChicagoGranny

Re: OT: Daily Funny bone

Posted: Wed Jul 01, 2015 1:03 pm
by ChicagoGranny
Image

Re: OT: Daily Funny bone

Posted: Mon Jul 13, 2015 8:17 am
by ChicagoGranny
Image

Re: OT: Daily Funny bone

Posted: Mon Jul 13, 2015 8:53 am
by bryansong
I like pie!

Re: OT: Daily Funny bone

Posted: Mon Jul 13, 2015 3:17 pm
by manwe
Great thread. I'm more of a pun guy myself. Although I do love a cheesy joke, especially if it's gouda.

It's nice to have someone other than my kleptomaniac friend to tell them to. He takes everything literally.

I got beat up trying to stop a guy in a brown robe selling flowers today. That's what I get for not taking my sheep with me. Everyone knows only ewe can prevent florist friars.

I just found a dollar on the ground which really made my day. Not like yesterday when I went to the proctologist, that made my hole weak.