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You're a mean one, Mrs Grinch!
--and on my foe list.

What is a Cat?

1. Cats do what they want.
2. They rarely listen to you.
3. They're totally unpredictable.
4. When you want to play, they want to be alone.
5. When you want to be alone, they want to play.
6. They expect you to cater to their every whim.
7. They're moody.
8. They leave hair everywhere.

Conclusion: They're tiny little women in little fur coats.




What is a Dog?

1. Dogs spend all day sprawled on the most comfortable piece of
furniture in the house.
2. They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but
don't hear you when you're in the same room.
3. They can look dumb and lovable all at the same time.
4. They growl when they are not happy.
5. When you want to play, they want to play.
6. When you want to be alone, they want to play.
7. They leave their toys everywhere.
8. They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to
give you a kiss.
9. They go right for your crotch as soon as they meet you.

Conclusion: They're tiny little men in little fur coats.

chunkyfrog wrote:You're a mean one, Mrs Grinch!
--and on my foe list.

Yup!

A businessman is getting on a flight when he hears from another passenger that the Pope is going to be on the flight.

"WOW, great!" he thinks, being a devout Christian, "What a great place to be today."

Just before the aircraft doors are closed, the Pope enters the plane, and to the guy's delight, sits next to him. I am surely blessed the man thinks.

Here I am, a good Catholic on a flight, with the Pope sitting next to me. The plane takes off and after a few minutes the passengers take off their seat belts.
The man looks sideways and sees the Pope reaching into his bag to take out a crossword book. Marvellous, he thinks, not only am I blessed with the Pope next to me but he does crosswords and so do I.

He notices that the Pope is working his way through the puzzle, and that His Holiness is tapping his pencil, thinking. After a little while of pencil tapping, the Pope turns to him and says, "I usually don't talk to anyone on flights, but I wonder if you can help me?"

"Anything Your Holiness.. What is it?"

"Do you know a four letter word that ends in 'u-n-t' that means something associated with women?"

The man feels uncomfortable. He thinks and thinks. Finally he says, "The only word I can think of is aunt."

The Pope looks at him and asks, "Do you have an eraser?"

That is funny. I get it. Since baseball season just opened the Pope had written "bunt".

Thanks ChicagoGranny for politicizing a topic that previously had been a refuge for those of us who needed someplace to go to get a daily laugh. You killed it.

I have never understood how Canadian natives, living in Canada, got offended by political wrangling in the U.S.

No need to explain it, but someday I hope to learn about this psychology.

Will Smith teaches his son Jaden to use a full face mask in his new movie "After Earth". Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UIdBBROlUeM

My wife says I never listen to her.

Or something like that.

how do you get down off an elephant?
you don't...you get down off a duck!


a skeleton walked into a bar and said "give me a beer and a mop"

a termite walked into a bar and asked "where's the bar tender?"

a horse walked into a bar and bartender asked "why the long face?"


why did the chicken cross the road?
to get to your house.
knock, knock...


how many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
a fish!


a grasshopper walks into a bar. the bartender says "hey...you're a grasshopper...we have a drink named after you"
the grasshopper says "you have a drink named, steve?"

how do you get down off an elephant?
you don't...you get down off a duck!


a skeleton walked into a bar and said "give me a beer and a mop"

a termite walked into a bar and asked "where's the bar tender?""

a horse walked into a bar and the bartender asked "why the long face?"


why did the chicken cross the road?
to get to your house.
knock, knock...


how many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
a fish!


a grasshopper walks into a bar. the bartender says "hey...you're a grasshopper...we have a drink named after you"
the grasshopper says "you have a drink named, steve?"

Space Oddity wrote:Will Smith teaches his son Jaden to use a full face mask in his new movie "After Earth". Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UIdBBROlUeM

I was totally thinking the same thing today when I was at the theater and they showed this preview!!!!!

Anybody here feel like this?

We should invent something like this to cure apnea and insomnia.

She must have the wrong pillow--obviously needs a 3 prong outlet.
Remember the plug used in Saturn 3? Might have made college easier.
Nothing would have made HS easier, though.