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Every night after I help my husband adjust his mask and get settled he always says "Thank You" and I always say "I Love You". I guess no other words are needed. I know without a doubt that if the situation was reversed he'd be there for me.

DoriC wrote:Every night after I help my husband adjust his mask and get settled he always says "Thank You" and I always say "I Love You". I guess no other words are needed. I know without a doubt that if the situation was reversed he'd be there for me.

So much can be said through a small act. Dor you always inspire me.

This is a great topic. Marriage is an institution with no one set of rules and guide that fits all. Not unlike the therapy here for apnea. I will be married 30 years this july. It has not always been smooth sailing. I have gone through difficult periods at times and sort of have been going through one lately.

We have always found a way to work through them. I think the basis of our love for each other has been strong enough to carry through the tough times. At least so far.

Getting older I seem to have a myriad of health concerns. Psoriatic arthritis, sleep apnea , sinus issues. The list seems to grow with each passing year.

I do my best not to let these things stand in my way of enjoying life. To the best of my ability.
to all those that have loved and lost. I wish for you that you that next time you find the significant other that is your Dori.

Marriage is something that is difficult even under the best circumstances. God bless us all.

Ours has grown stronger...really! We have another thing in common
Cindy

My undiagnosed health issues contributed to the decline of my healthy strong 25 year marriage. I was juggling 3 boys with health issues, full time challenging job and family life along with lack of restful sleep. I was always tired. My ex was incapable of the compassion and empathy to recognize my exhaustion. He resented my lack of energy and found someone else with energy and without any children. She just happens to look identically like me !!! Except she's older !!! ha ha

When I met my husband I already had a long-standing problem with EDS. It got worse over the years, particularly when I was having kids and off medications. But my husband has never seen me without some degree of impairment. I think in some ways that's worse than developing it later in our marriage, as to him this is just the way I AM...which doesn't make it seem like something that needs fixing. I'd like help fixing my problems, instead of just accommodating them, if that makes any sense.

pdean44 wrote:

DoriC wrote:Every night after I help my husband adjust his mask and get settled he always says "Thank You" and I always say "I Love You". I guess no other words are needed. I know without a doubt that if the situation was reversed he'd be there for me.

So much can be said through a small act. Dor you always inspire me.

This is a great topic. Marriage is an institution with no one set of rules and guide that fits all. Not unlike the therapy here for apnea. I will be married 30 years this july. It has not always been smooth sailing. I have gone through difficult periods at times and sort of have been going through one lately.

We have always found a way to work through them. I think the basis of our love for each other has been strong enough to carry through the tough times. At least so far.

Getting older I seem to have a myriad of health concerns. Psoriatic arthritis, sleep apnea , sinus issues. The list seems to grow with each passing year.

I do my best not to let these things stand in my way of enjoying life. To the best of my ability.
to all those that have loved and lost. I wish for you that you that next time you find the significant other that is your Dori.

Marriage is something that is difficult even under the best circumstances. God bless us all.

Thank you, I sent a PM!

Hi All

I have been married twice, and divorced twice.

The first one was due to drinking, the withdrawal from drinking, and sleep apnea.

The second was due to sleep apnea.

the divorces were due to....................

(oh - sorry - I have been feeling a bit light headed recently )

I did not fight to save either of my marriages, I was too tired , and sleep apnea had never been heard of.

I think this is a wonderful thread, with wondeful stories from wonderful people. Thank you Rooster, for starting it.

Mars

DreamOn wrote:Our wedding vows do (traditionally) include "....in sickness and in health." I took that promise seriously, as did my husband.

You are very lucky my wife didnt really care. my marriage ended about a month before i was diagnosed. a few months after that she noticed the changes and came back for a bit, but made no effort to actually try and fix anything. I think im finally starting to feel happy shes gone now. If i had seen a doctor a few years earlier the marriage may have survived, but maybe not

tschultz wrote:My bigger problem now is the strain that my lost time from work over the past year, due mainly to needless or unrelated tests, waiting for the actual OSA diagnosis, pushing the clinic to get on with treatment, and lasting impacts of the sleep deprivation. In the beginning there was some flexibility as we tried to work through things but now I fear there has been permanent damage done to my working relationship with my employer and I am not sure it can be easily repaired.

I very much sympathize with this. I've missed alot of work, and even though I'm on 'as needed' medical leave, I can't help but feel the guilt that I haven't been here every day for the past 6-8 months. I feel like a flake but I'm not. I can almost hear the eyes roll around here when I say that I had a bad night or have struggled, etc. They don't understand when I say "I don't know that I have the energy to drag myself from a burning house", that I mean it. I have heard them talk about a coworker with CANCER being in and out of work too much....I can only imagine what they say about me "just being tired"....they don't comprehend the long term damage of OSA and that recovery is needed, not just "one of those machines".

Of course, these are the same people that have every ache,pain and disease in the book, and it's ALWAYS worse than ANYONE else.
I had some leg swelling after I twisted my knee, and by the next day, they were convinced I had a rare disorder,a blood clot and may die.

imtired wrote:

DreamOn wrote:Our wedding vows do (traditionally) include "....in sickness and in health." I took that promise seriously, as did my husband.

You are very lucky my wife didnt really care. my marriage ended about a month before i was diagnosed. a few months after that she noticed the changes and came back for a bit, but made no effort to actually try and fix anything. I think im finally starting to feel happy shes gone now. If i had seen a doctor a few years earlier the marriage may have survived, but maybe not

I hope that nobody took my earlier statement as being judgmental of people who have had marriages break up.

The consequences of sleep apnea can affect so many parts of our lives. Often we don't realize that sleep apnea is the reason for our lack of energy (which often leads to weight gain), moodiness, and other physical and emotional problems. Our spouses don't either. They just think that we're "difficult to live with." I hope that you find happiness again, imtired.

I have a confession. Since I'm one of the few active spouses here I receive so many kind and heartfelt compliments that have kept me going on some of my darkest days when that high praise was not warranted. Some of those dark days are now when I'm feeling rather resentful and sorry for myself as we go into the 2nd month of wound care, visiting nurses, physical therapy, Dr appointments, with no end in sight and Mike getting more debilitated. I always wanted us to grow old together but being a caregiver and nursemaid is not what I pictured. I hope you all won't think less of me but I needed to post this as today has been an especially hard day and it ain't over yet.

I am sorry Dori, but your actions speak much louder than your words or self assessment.

The simple fact is that you are an angel.

Pleased to make your acquaintance...

Tell Mike that thoughts and prayers from our household are with him.

DoriC wrote:I hope you all won't think less of me but I needed to post this as today has been an especially hard day and it ain't over yet.

Far from it, my friend! Your post is a reminder to me that my hubby needs to be taken care of too. Like you, he never pictured this for us, but he does it with kindness and love. Even the most compassionate caregiver is going to feel overwhelmed and down sometimes.

Sending you good vibes to make it through the day and a better tomorrow.

Maddy, truthfully, what has me feeling even more upset with myself is reading your latest posts, so now to hear words of encouragement from of all people...you! You're a special lady even if you did make me cry!

DoriC wrote:I have a confession. Since I'm one of the few active spouses here I receive so many kind and heartfelt compliments that have kept me going on some of my darkest days when that high praise was not warranted. Some of those dark days are now when I'm feeling rather resentful and sorry for myself as we go into the 2nd month of wound care, visiting nurses, physical therapy, Dr appointments, with no end in sight and Mike getting more debilitated. I always wanted us to grow old together but being a caregiver and nursemaid is not what I pictured. I hope you all won't think less of me but I needed to post this as today has been an especially hard day and it ain't over yet.

Hey Dori this is the perfect place to vent. Being the caretakers is hard. My sister does it for my parents and it makes me feel very guilty that I can't do it. Instead I listen to her frustration as she vents and can say things to me she can't voice to anyone else. None of us are perfect and I appreciate you sharing your disappointments as well as the successes.