CPAPtalk.com

Nothing grand here, but as a fellow n00b (5 months on therapy, CPAP to BiPAP, three different masks), I can't imagine NOT sleeping with it now. I know it's an adjustment... lord, I'm still adjusting, but the difference now when I get to bed without it late on a weekend--trying to catch up by sleeping all day the next day--compared to the nights when I dutifully strap it all on and roll from side to side during the night trying to reposition hose and mask, is obvious to me. It will be to you, too. Keep trying different variables. Keep reading here for tips and moral support. Just keep up with it. It's worth every night of initial discomfort. I swear it.

-malfet

bzerbe wrote: Aw shucks, I've got tears in my eyes now.

That's a good sign. Been there. Like they say, "Cry it out."

bzerbe wrote: I have a hard time with being honest about my feelings

There's a name for that. It's called, "being human."

bzerbe wrote: I feel like how can I only be 34 and be in this situation with my health - overweight, sleep apnea, high blood pressure, anxiety, acid reflux, etc. I take 4-5 medications a day, depending on which day it is. Funny thing is, I know using the machine will help with all of these things.

That's part of talking yourself through it. It is a process: Recognizing where we're at and where we'd like to be and what we need to do to get there as best we can.

bzerbe wrote:. . . in my own eyes I see myself as a failure. . . .

There's nothing more attractive than a woman who loves life and who takes care of herself. There's no failure in that. And that's what PAP therapy is for all of us, male or female: an expression of our love for life and our willingness to take care of ourselves.

bzerbe wrote: . . . they laughed at me. It hurt my feelings badly...I took it off.

Understsandable. That could have gone better, yes. But that event helped get you where you are now, and coming to grips with your reaction then will help prevent a similar reaction in the future. You were vulnerable. But you're further along in that process now. Less vulnerable. That's progress.

bzerbe wrote: . . . it has more to do with my emotional problems about the whole situation. . . .

There is definitely an emotional dimension to the whole thing for all of us. Even starting to feel better brings certain emotions with it--who we are is changing hormonally during the process of getting used to the therapy. Change can be hard. Even good change.

You were brave to air those feelings on this board. It was good for you, good for us, and good for the lurkers and all the people who will read it later and be helped by what you said. Thank you for saying it. You sound to me like you are pretty good at being honest about your feelings when you give yourself the time and patience to go through the process of getting at what those feelings are.

Wish you the best. Keep at it. It's worth it.

jeff

Thank you all for the pep talks. I feel motivated to try again right now...I will have to re-read this thread tonight before I go to bed!

Bzerbe--

YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!!!!! Yes-it does take some getting used to. Let your family laugh, and just let it roll off your back...YOU ARE SAVING YOUR LIFE!!!!!!!
Once you start getting some rest, and you start feeling better, you eill be motivated to start improving other areas in your life as in your weight. Don't beat yourself up...many of us are overweight. One thing you can do to feel like you are working on that issue is to start walking alittle everyday...even if only a couple of blocks at first, then gradually building up...YOU CAN DO IT!!!!
Now...start thinking of your sleep apnea like this...everynight you go to bed without your machine is like falling asleep, and then someone puts a pillow over your face to suffocate you, but just as you get to the point of passing out from suffocation, the pillow is removed, you are allowed to gasp and take a breath, and then the pillow is placed over your face again, and you are slowly suffocating to death.
Look at it this way too...
By the time I had my sleep study, I had high blood pressure, and heart problems. I could not stay awake for more than 20 minutes at a time. I couldn't think straight anymore...I actually wondered if I had an early stage of alzheimer's disease as I was so forgetful, and my short term memory was totally gone. My career was suffering, my quality of life was totally gone. When I had my sleep study, and learned I had severe sleep apnea, I was greatly relieved, because I knew there was treatment for me, and that my life would improve over time, so I welcomed the mask and the machine.
I use a mirage micro nasal mask, and I tape my mouth at night...and what I found really helps with me falling asleep is to have a small fan on my night stand blowing directly at my face. Also, a pad a cheek hose cover on my hose makes the hose itself soft and cuddly...it's like having my own special blanky and it softens the whole concept that I sleep with lifesaving medical equipment. I guess the whole point of me sharing that is to tell you...do what you can to make your equipment less medical, and do what you can to make it comfortable, so that you can start to gradually look forward to cuddling up with that hose and machine everynight. Soon your machine will become your very bestest friend
Hugs and good luck!!!!
Cindy

Bzerbe,

I am also new to this since April 1, I am now on my 4th mask and now feel I have the right one. My kids and wife laughed at me when I first showed them what I would be wearing and as others have said I just ignored it and looked forward to getting my sleep apnea under control. Reading and researching on this site has helped me tremendously with educating me on sleep apnea, treatment and adjusting my equipment for me to get my life back.

Believe in yourself, love yourself, when in doubt look in the mirror and say you are worth it, you will feel the strength to keep at it.

Good luck and also keep coming back to this forum, there are great people who can help you get through this...

Cindy has some good info and suggestions !!!! I really like my fleece hose cover (and I don't have rain out or humidity to deal with), and such a small thing for $10-15 makes things so much more benign.

I'll also add that its VERY hard to make good choices, to see clearly or to have hope when you're severely sleep deprived, day after day after day. You'll see what we're talking about and then you'll be hooked to repeat it and stay with PAP therapy, the first morning that you feel "different", like you actually slept pretty well. I got that feeling today! I hope that you get there soon.

bzerbe wrote:Aw shucks, I've got tears in my eyes now. A LOT of the quotes/questions hit close to home as well as everyone's responses. I have a hard time with being honest about my feelings, but here goes:

1) I think I pretty much in denial about the whole situation. I feel like how can I only be 34 and be in this situation with my health - overweight, sleep apnea, high blood pressure, anxiety, acid reflux, etc. I take 4-5 medications a day, depending on which day it is. Funny thing is, I know using the machine will help with all of these things.

I feel you on this one. I'm only 22 and have a ton of health issues that I shouldn't have to worry about for a long time. I was in denial, I hated going to the doctor so I never went. I just kept getting sicker and sicker and heavier! When I couldn't take it anymore, I started to become proactive about my health. I researched in books and online, I argued with my doctors, and I insisted on results.

A few years later (feels like longer!) I'm still the same way. But I feel much better than I did throughout my teenage years though I still have quite a journey ahead of me. I do regret not being able to live my teenage years to the fullest so I want to make sure that I at least live the rest of the my life to the fullest!

Don't give up! Eventually everything will level out.

I hear what you are all saying...I don't really think my issue is with how I look wearing the equipment. Usually it is just me and the dogs, and they don't care. And like I said, my bf is very supportive and never makes any comments about it. I think my emotional reaction with my family was just because of issues we already have with each other. Heck, I even laughed at myself all hooked up when they gave me my picture from the sleep center!

You all have motivated my to at least try and put the mask on tonight. I have to start somewhere.

And to everyone else that responded and are new to CPAP therapy , I wish you all the best with your endeavors also!

bzerbe wrote:Usually it is just me and the dogs, and they don't care.

When I was a kid, I had one English Springer Spaniel that I could have sworn used to laugh at me behind my back. But he never laughed at me to my face.

Promise to be there for the rest of us when we need a pep talk, OK?

jeff

I'll try...I need to get the point where I feel like I have the right to give a pep talk first.

If it's just how you look while using it, could you possibly sleep in another room by yourself just until you get used to it. Believe me, after a while you will appreciate this machine so much you will not give a fetid dingo kidney how you look in it!

OK, I can see that it's time for Aunt Shari's "Tell your brain 3 things it knows to be true and it will believe the 4th".

Inhale. Notice something you see. Exhale.
Inhale. Notice something you are hearing. Exhale.
Inhale. Notice something you feel (tactile). Exhale.
Inhale. Tell yourself a comforting affirmation (I love my mask. I'm relaxed. I'm about to sleep beautifully. Something like that). Exhale.

Repeat 3 times, finding new things to see, feel, hear, but the same affirmation. Then switch to another affirmation.

This helped me a lot when I was first starting out. It's useful for many situations (including, amusingly enough, when I get an attack of itchy skin in a setting where I can't scratch)

Shari

I went on a "girls weekend" trip with 4 girlfriends a couple of months after I started CPAP therapy. We rented a large 5 bedroom house. I had told all of my friends about my sleep apnea diagnosis - most of them didn't even know what it was. I told them about my numbers and that I had it severe, how long I stop breathing, how many times an hour, etc. I showed them my equipment and they were quite fascinated.

Now the fun part! It's time for bedtime and we all head off to our separate bedrooms. I put on my chin strap, my full face mask (I wear a chin strap with a full face mask because my mouth opens when I sleep causing the seal to break), and then attach the hose to the face mask. I go to each of the their bedrooms and make a sound like a monster and hold out my arms like Frankenstein all the while twirling the hose. I had all of them screaming with laughter! It was sooo much fun!

My friends don't give a hoot about the equipment that I now have to sleep with. What they care is that I DO sleep with it.

One thing I tell my pt's to help them get use to wearing it and not feeling like is a growth on your face, Grab your machine and mask hook it up in the living room, and wear it while you watch TV, it's so self defeating to force our selves to get use to it during one time of the day, and thats when your trying to sleep. if you can get use to it while not trying to fall asleep it becomes more tolerable and pretty soon you throw it on for bed and it's nothing awkward cause you allowed your self to get use to it in the least stressful way possible.

When my husband was diagnosed 20 years ago with sleep apnea, the doctor told him--"We have just now saved your life!" I started CPAP myself about a month ago. It has been rough, lots of help here, and it is getting better. I never forgot what that doctor said, even though I wanted to be Queen of Denial. It makes a difference to tell yourself you will be in charge and will win this battle and go on to win the war! You and your health are what matters. Nervous people laugh. Be bigger than that. You can do this! All the best--JS