yorkiemum01 wrote:Any folks out there been there, done that?
YorkieMum, I dare you to surf for "dating+Babette" and read some of my threads on this topic.
I was single when I started therapy. And, before I actually found a partner, I was loud and vociferous that folks should speak up and tell about their OSA, and not be afraid to use their machines in front of their partners. Anyone who will run from your machine is not worth your time and trouble.
Then I met a guy.
I think I told him on our first date that I had OSA. I can't recall. I do recall the 5 hour necking session in the front seat of my car, but not the details of all our conversations...
BUT... My new beau has an obvious facial "deformity" that he can in no way hide. He has to deal with stares and comments and questions daily. He divides the world into two classes - the Askers and the Waiters. I chose to Wait and let him tell me. Unbeknownst to me, I passed his little test. He was pretty smitten that I would wait.
After that, anything I revealed about myself was just water under the bridge to him.
Now, I'm making him sound pathetic, but honestly, at the point that he met me, he WAS in sort of a pathetic place emotionally. He swallowed OSA without even a chew.
At first, I would go up to his house, and then leave about 3 am to get home to my machine. Took a couple of weeks for me to drag my machine up to his house. MAINLY because of his bed situation. NOT because I was embarrassed about the machine. (He has a Double Bed. Too small for two normal sized adults.) When I finally did drag it up, it was after we sorted out that I could sleep on the futon in the living room. I TRIED to sleep with him and the machine, the bed just was too small for me to get comfortable, and I was worried I was blowing exhaust on him.
He denies he ever felt the exhaust, and says he's FINE with me in the bed, but I'm not. I need more wiggle room.
So, we've come to an amicable arrangement. I sleep in the living room, he sleeps in the bedroom, we're generally happy.
I dream of someday getting a hotel room with a King Sized bed, so we can try actually sleeping together. He is amenable to this. In fact, he's agreed if we get married we're getting a King Sized Bed. As he says, he never thought he'd be sleeping with anyone again in his life, so he bought a Double bed.
Now, why don't we use my Queen Sized bed? That's another long stupid story. Let's just say it's because I share a bedroom wall with my neighbor, and she can hear EVERYTHING and it embarrasses me.
So, hopefully this has given you courage. I got lucky. He says HE got lucky.
If we break up, at least I have this experience to bolster my confidence, going forward. Anyone worth their salts is going to support you in your therapy. Anything less than supportive needs to be kicked to the curb. Seriously.
BTW, I met him on Craigslist on Labor Day weekend. After a summer of rather negative experiences, I was still hooked on trolling the personals. I answered his ad that Saturday afternoon about 4 pm. We met that evening at 8 pm. We've been together ever since. He says I was the only answer to his ad. I say, you were the only ad worth answering.
Huggers,
Babs
