Pugsy wrote: ↑Sat Mar 30, 2019 2:32 pm
. . . anything actually helpful . . .
I'll try. But I'll probably fail.
Some of the people I learn most from are people with a very different code of conduct from mine. I try to set an example here as best I can, and then I try to let the rest of the chips on others' shoulders fall where they may. I will sometimes comment on behavior if I assume my comment is welcome and that it might be helpful and not inflammatory. After all, we all need reminders. Including me.
But my general rule of thumb is that if I look inside a thread that it turns out I really don't like, I close it. The thread. Not the forum. That is enough to help keep me from getting upset or upsetting others. Most of the time, anyway.
I usually find that if I'm personally attacked verbally in some way, virtually or in real life, replying will likely just draw more attention to the attack, not less. Adding fuel rarely stops that kind of fire. And walking away seems to help my reputation more than hurt it. Walking away takes more strength than throwing a verbal punch in kind. Observers know that.
Not having strict rules of behavior here may facilitate larger numbers of people being helped in the long run. But don't expect that to be pretty or pleasant all the time. No matter where you hang the air-freshener, the stink will always be discernible in the background in a "lightly-moderated" Internet forum. Just try to keep the smell from overwhelming Pugsy's threads when she's helping newbies. Please.
Life can be a very painful thing for many people, and when they feel like they have been backed into a corner, even if it's just because they've backed
themselves into their own circumstance by their own behavior, their lashing out can feel to them like the right thing to do. I still try to be helpful to them from a distance when I judge that I can do so without endangering my own physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual health in the process.
But if any one of us believes Mark is in any sort of pain, why do things to increase that pain, if it is clear you are not in a position to help alleviate it? Just let him express it. If what he says feels like a personal attack to anyone, maybe the smart thing still is to step back, not toward, and thereby let one's own reputation be helped in doing so, as a favor to oneself and to the board.
Or not. It's the Internet. So people do what they want.
Jim
