CPAPtalk.com

Jere wrote:When my wife complains while I am adjusting my gear for the umteenth time, I just take of the gear and hand it over and say "OK - your turn tonight." Works every time!

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Jere - Now that's a great idea - lots of ingenuity there. Thanks for adding some much-needed respite to this post!

I love that movie. Can you tell by my screen name? I did not realize it till you said it but my night stand has become a lot more cluttered post xpap. Man we do have some paraphenelia don't we? I have tape, the machine, flonase, a flashlight etc...

I wonder if 2 people in a house have apnea if they could install a central xpap like some new homes have those central vacuum cleaners but only it would blow instead of sucking. You could just hose up in any room when the mood struck you. That would actually be kind of awesome. If I ever build a house, I'm going to have to look into that.



Tim

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CPAPopedia Keywords Contained In This Post (Click For Definition): hose

Jere,

First off, good to see you again on the boards. I missed the Kazoo picture!

I must agree, those of us who have the complete support of our spouses are blessed. I can take it one step farther and say, my husband loves if I wear a mask that shoots air on him. He says, it feels good! Yes, he is a bit strange, but he's married to me for almost 26 years...what would you expect?

I do have to say, though, in defense of Spouse, who really doesn't need defending, that sometimes this can really throw people for a loop and it probably is just a matter of getting used to what they both know is going to be a lifelong change and coming to terms with the adjustment; and it is a biggie at that.

I timed out - was a good one.....will try later. You have a good idea there, and I was going off on a tangent with it. Forgot my formula, and system just gave up on me.

You gave me an idea for a new posting, hee hee. Stay tuned.

Sleepless on LI wrote:Jere,

First off, good to see you again on the boards. I missed the Kazoo picture!

Lori -

You really are TOO nice I am just not that good in the marriage advice department (despite my spotless record as a wonderful husband).

Jere

P.S. Last I heard you were giving all of this up. I will have to do some searching - I am sure the story is on this board.

Well, all I can say is that I was in two marriages where the spouse was controlling and I am glad to be divorced from both of them.

I only had to deal with major clinical depression in those marriages. I can't imagine adding CPAP to the mix too. Must say that my second hubby snored so badly that I DID go to another room to sleep.

Spouse, you have heard lots of good advice on here from the others. The only thing I can add is that you should go to counseling no matter what happens. You can't change anyone else, so it may help you to gain some perspective for yourself, so your life will be better. It may also help you out in the event you do leave your marriage, so you won't find yourself making the same relationship mistakes.

I guess I am glad I am single while I am learning how to deal with this machine. It's still a struggle, but I am still trying.

Jere,

I'll bet you could give marital advice with the best of them. You sound like you've done a pretty good job there yourself.

I have to apologize for saying I missed the Kazoo photo and not saying I missed seeing you, too, on the boards. I hope you didn't take it that way. It's good to see YOU back.

As far as advice goes to Spouse, I just think this is one of the things that registers in the "major" category when it comes to throwing a monkey wrench into the works of a relationship. There are so many facets that enter into this picture which include everything from the afflicted feeling embarrassed, angry or frustrated at having to wear the mask to their spouse going through what Spouse is going through. It's a major adjustment for some people, let alone a couple. But if we can somehow just take a step back and really try to get inside our partner's head and realize how they feel, in addition to feeling our own pain, it can really help towards a resolution and doing it in a sympathetic and understanding way.

There is an old "trick" with parenting that when your child comes home spitting bullets about something, even if you think they're wrong or handling something incorrectly, before you give them any advice which they might not be ready to listen to at that moment, no matter how good the advice may be, the best strategy is to let the child know that you recognize and can understand how upset this situation has made them and then go from there, thereby giving them a sense of support that will make them more receptive to hearing what you really are thinking and have to say on the subject. I don't think that could hurt in this situation either. If this couple can make sure the other knows that they can relate to and understand how the other is feeling, and then start to discuss it, maybe they will have their ears more open to truly HEARING what the other is saying and doing something to bring about an effective compromise or solution.

Okay. Enough of playing amateur marriage counselor. Just throwing in a few things I've learned over the years of being a wife and mother. Hope it can help them. They need each other more now than they probably have in awhile. They just need to calm down to realize that and do something about it. Hey, for better or for worse, no?

LORI!

Just noticed your new avatar! What a great picture of you!

FROM ANOTHER SPOUSE
My husband came home with one of those silly mask things awhile back. I had no problem with it (I'm a Sci-Fi fan) The one we were worried about was our two year old son. We had Daddy try it on in front of him and explained that Daddy had to wear a funny mask to bed. He also has no problem with it. You can get used to it.
Also you may have your husband try a different kind of mask. My husband uses two different masks. A full face during allergy season when his sinuses are bad and a swift (Nose Pillow) the rest of the time. The only time I hear any noise is when the masks are not on properly. The DME (Dumfounded Medical Expert) told him to use the small nose pillows. After many experiments we found out that he really needed a large. The DME has also done the same thing with his full face mask. The next time he's up for a new mask I'm getting him a bigger one. So try new things. Also check the machine. My husband has a remstar plus and honestly our fan is louder. With a two year old, I am an extremely light sleeper as well and have to have a fan on to sleep.
I like the fact that if I hear any noise I know that some thing is not on right. I have been known to reach over in the middle of the night and goose my husband's mask to set it up right.
I know that all of this may seem overwhelming, but hang in there. I love my C-Paped spouse. He is more energetic, happy, and much more of the man I first married. It's worth it if you really take the time to adapt. Remember, you may also be slightly mourning the lose of the "perfect" spouse you thought you had. Any chronic condition can trigger this type of a reponse in a person. This is for real and yes this is for life. Mourn the lose and then get on with it and celebrate all that you will be gaining. 8 hours a night with your eyes closed anyway is not that bad.

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CPAPopedia Keywords Contained In This Post (Click For Definition): swift, DME

rock and roll wrote:LORI!

Just noticed your new avatar! What a great picture of you!

Thank you, Earl. It's been up for a long time...YOU JUST HAVEN'T BEEN HERE AS MUCH. You know the photo-to-the-user-name thing was all because of you (and Amy, a/k/a Yawn) last year.

Welcome back, by the way. Great to see you here again!

Lori, yep I'm guilty.

Still working on my certification as a certified travel consultant. Won't be long! We need to put together a cpap oriented cruise. I will need a ringleader, are you interested? We couild walk around the ship all looking like Darth Vaders

The other day I was beside myself after having not been able to sleep in my own bed for many nights, and ongoing. My husband talked to the people at the sleep center and they gave me this site when they realized I was having such a hard time. They told me to research it and see if it helps. You people have been very good to me. Thank you. There were some indifferent opinions, and I guess I am getting used to that. To many judgements to name. Many helpful hints, and for that I am glad. But for this cpap issue there is no problems in our marriage, or I didnt think so. I have read previous posts and thats what people seem to be incinuating. We have 4 children so I guess I am a light sleeper listening to what is going on throughout the house. He is newly diagnosed, and while i realize its hard for the person who may be on the receiving end, he loves it. He sleeps much better and feels much better in the morning. Someone said I may be mourning, and you know that might be right on point. I do feel a sense of loss, also an overwhelming sense of shock and awe I think. Never having to ever deal with anything like this before, I has put me over the top. I realize that a lot of people on this site cant believe that a spouse would react this way. Opinions and feelings are the persons own thing. I am entitled to have my own opinions and feelings, as well as the rest of you. I know I may seem heartless in this situation, but if I was heartless, then I wouldnt be here, looking for answers, help and suggestions. Thank you all of you again for all your help, support and suggestions!!

I have the same machine and, quite honestly, it doesn't make any noise. The only time my mask (ComfortFull 2) makes noise is if I lift it off my face to itch my nose. (I can hear myself exhale with the C-Flex turned on.) I don't think the few times I've had a mask leak that it has made much of a noise either. When I've disconnected the hose from the mask (to use the bathroom), the air coming out the hose was kind of loud. I've even turned my white noise machine back on because it was too quiet in the bedroom for me. Is there any way you could go with your husband to the Sleep Center for him to be refitted for the mask? It does sound like his mask isn't fitting right at all. If you are with him, that way you can both hear how a properly fitting mask is supposed to sound. (Even if it's just a refitting of his current mask.)

Kimberly

I think that might be right the mask makes a lot of noise and I think its because it doesnt fit him right

i meant if the mask doesnt fit him right then I would imagine it would make a lot of noise,