papzombie,
I'm sorry to hear you are still struggling.
Comments on some things you have written.
papzombie wrote:My brain can concentrate a bit better in one of the following settings
- When I walk, then stop a bit, open the laptop, works a bit, then walk a gain
- When I sit in a train.
- Or sometimes in a busy cafeteria.
So your brain has an easier time concentrating in a somewhat distracting environment (train, busy cafeteria). Or when you have been physically active (walk, sit for a bit with the laptop, then walk some more ...)
When you are trying to concentrate at home or at the office where there are no distractions around, do you find yourself getting distracted by
the worries? Do you find yourself focusing in on how bad you're feeling and how hard it is to concentrate instead of concentrating on what you want to be concentrating on?
You also write:
papzombie wrote:I think I DO HAVE a serious lung problem, but so far no doctor has believed me. Fuck my life.
I tend to think that my lung is so allergic or irritated by some elements of the air, that might wake me up 4 times per hour. Why so ? Because my night is terribly worse when
- Bedroom's door and window are not opened enough. Yes, "enough" = at least 30% opened.
- When the bedroom is small (e.g. 6-7 m2)
- When there's some extra person also sleep by my side: sleeping with my wife is as OK as sleeping alone. But when my 5 y.o. child sleeps also on our bed, my night is fucked. I don't think that my child moved too much or touched me too much: because my wife lies in between me and him. I also don't think he stopped me from moving my body: because video record of the night says I almost don't move my body at all (only my head or hand sometimes).
There's a lot to unpack here. So pardon me for re-quoting pieces of the passage that needs to be read
in toto.
First:
... that might wake me up 4 times per hour
Do you suspect that you are waking up as much as four times an hour or do you have evidence that the wakes are really that frequent? Or is this still based on what the WatchPat data showed several weeks ago? This is a particularly important question because of the fact that you also say that the video yourself sleeping shows:
... [the] video record of the night says I almost don't move my body at all (only my head or hand sometimes).
In other words, what makes you think that you are waking up four times an hour if you "almost don't move" your body for most of the night?
Do you remember actual wakes when you wake up in the morning? Or do you remember any restlessness during the night? (Note most people who remember restlessness also remember a lot of moving around in bed, and you say the video shows you don't move much.) Or do you conclude that you must have been waking up frequently during the night because you feel so terrible in the morning?
Next:
Because my night is terribly worse when
- Bedroom's door and window are not opened enough. Yes, "enough" = at least 30% opened.
- When the bedroom is small (e.g. 6-7 m2)
How big is the bedroom you
usually sleep in? What if anything prevents you from keeping the bedroom door open enough? Given your local climate, what fraction of the year are you able to keep your usual bedroom's window open enough?
If the room that you usually sleep in is smaller than your desired bedroom size, is there a way of swapping bedrooms in the house for a bigger bedroom? Likewise, what prevents you from having the door to your bedroom as open as you want it to be? If the problem is that you go to bed earlier than the rest of the family and their lights and noise prevent you from opening the door, then it may be that you need to go to bed at the same time as the rest of the family.
There's not much you can do if you live in a place where it is just not feasible to open the windows much of the year due to inclement weather and/or severe cold. But how often do you get to sleep in your usual bedroom with the window open? And how bad does the weather have to be before you shut the window? Or is it more that you want the window open and your wife wants it shut?
Next:
Because my night is terribly worse when
...
- When there's some extra person also sleep by my side: sleeping with my wife is as OK as sleeping alone. But when my 5 y.o. child sleeps also on our bed, my night is fucked. ...
How often does your 5 year old climb into bed with you and your wife? If this only a couple of times a month, then it's not happening frequently enough to be a real factor in the day-to-day quality of your sleep. If it's happening several times a week or every day, then it's time to have a talk with the wife about trying to break your 5 year old's habit of climbing into your bed. Seriously. A five year old does not need to sleep with mommy every night, even if both mommy and the five year old seem to think the kid needs to.
It's not easy to get a kid to give up the habit of climbing into his/her parents bed. And it involves figuring out
why the kid wants to be there. A random bad dream here and there is one thing. But a kid shouldn't be having so many bad dreams that they need to climb into the parents bed multiple times a night. So if bad dreams are the cause, it may be worth asking the pediatrician if there's some explanation for recurring bad dreams. If the problem is just that the kid wakes up and is lonely, that's a whole different kettle of fish. It could be that since the kid crawls into bed on your wife's side of the bed, she's not even aware that it disturbs your sleep. Have you mentioned that to her? If so what was her reaction?
You and your wife may need to more actively try to encourage your child to stay in his/her own bed. Perhaps a reward system might help. Or perhaps giving the child permission to turn their light on in the middle of the night and (quietly) play with their stuffed toys when the kid wakes up will help.
Overall, I can understand how sleeping in a small, closed room (which may become stuffy and overly warm) with a kid in the bed with you and your wife can lead to some serious sleep problems: Warm stuffy rooms are difficult for lots of people to sleep in, and even if the kid is not touching you, the fact that you are aware of the child probably makes you more aware of your own sleeping problems because you don't want to disturb the others in the bed.
But I don't see how any of this adds up to some undiagnosed problem with your lungs being allergic, super sensitive, or overly irritated by elements in the air. If it were an allergy or irritated lung problem, then you would have breathing problems in the daytime as well as at night.
My guess is that you are just a hyper-vigilant sleeper: Small changes in your sleeping environment disturb you more than they disturb most people. You notice the kid climbing into bed in a way that your wife does not. You notice the bedroom being stuffy at night, particularly if the room is small and/or the door and window are shut.
My advice is to see if you can make your sleeping environment better fit your needs and tastes. If your usual bedroom is not big enough, then move things around and start using the biggest, least stuffy bedroom in your house for YOUR bedroom. Keep the bedroom cool to cold at night by shutting the heater vents (in the winter) and if others in the house can tolerate it, by turning down the thermostat in the overnight hours. When the night time temperature is in the 50s F (low teens C), open the windows in your bedroom up. When you can't open the windows, try running a fan in the bedroom. And work with your wife on figuring out a way to keep your five year old from crawling into the bed on a regular/semi-regular basis.