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You're a trooper for sure, Black Spinner... you can be proud of your efforts and determination. I only hope I have that much strength should I find myself in a situation as tough as yours.

:::Head desk::::

That social worker is so useless! My sister is talking about suicide and he is going on about documenting our spending.

BlackSpinner wrote::::Head desk::::

That social worker is so useless! My sister is talking about suicide and he is going on about documenting our spending.

BlackSpinner,

My heart goes out to you. You are trapped between some pretty hard rocks and some pretty large hard places.

I wish I could do something for you. It's alarming that things are deteriorating so rapidly.

If sister is really talking about suicide, you've got another horrible situation on your plate that you don't need. Encourage her to talk to a professional about this. And make sure you have a suicide prevention hotline phone number available.

As for your dad documenting your and sister's spending: That's dementia talking, but then you know that already. Trying to save your father from himself is not going to be easy.

You and your family are in my prayers
Robysue

I was a short-term caregiver: 3 months with my husband (3 herniated discs) and six weeks with Mom (shingles). In both situations, I felt my world turn gray. I felt my home had turned into a prison.

2012 was such a dark year for me. It was a year mostly dedicated to my parents:
Helping them move 50 years of stuff (a lot of stuff there was)
At the same time, Dad was in and out of facilities due to his own stuff.
Lastly, living with them for 6 weeks taking care of both of them.

Concerning Mom, somehow I found out that after 4 days of being there, she wasn't taking her meds. I told her that if she wasn't going to take them, I was leaving. Why stay there for nothing! When she heard that, thing turned around immediately! Somewhere in the year, my health turned for the worse because the stress had finally taken a toll on me:

1) Transient Global Amnesia (See the youtube video, "Its Tuesday?" to get a better understanding of what I'm talking about)
2) Panic attacks: God bless citalopram!
3) Hypertension
4) Seizures

BS,
Put yourself first! Get out of that house, put your hair down and do something fun for "you"! That may mean finding a womens' tea time gathering, even with people you don't know; a knitting gathering, etc. IT IS NOT BEING SELFISH!!! Its you taking care of you FIRST so you can have a clear mind and a fresh spirit to caregive. When my parents' were taking care of Mom's Mom, hubbs and I would give them a Saturday night off once a month so they could get some fresh air and have some fun. It made a world of difference! They loved it! BS, I don't want to see your health (or your sister's) health deteriorate, I don't.

While at my parents' house, I took control in small ways for "me" time. For them, 10pm was time for bed. I didn't care what they did, I needed the rest of the evening for myself to rest. Dad usually got up around 9am, I got up around 7am for some quiet time and to prepare myself emotionally and spiritually for the day. Looking back, I just wish I had my iPad to watch movies during my quiet time in my bedroom. It would have been so helpful!!! At that time, I watched two movies with my iPhone. All I can say is that was/has become a special memory for me.

Seriously BS, be kind to yourself! Remember, taking care of self will give you strength (physically, spiritually and emotionally) to take care of someone else.

Starlette

I have to say, Blackspinner, you are an extraordinarily incredible person. The thought that comes to my mind is your sister. SHE is SO LUCKY to have YOU!! I too, am taking care of an elderly parent. Dealing with the doctors etc has been exhausting. I hope you find a friend you can talk to close by. It does help tremendously.

Hugs and prayers

Hi Lena. I went and had a look at your gallery of fibre art creations, exceptional and very lifelike. I see how you are able to vent some feelings through your hands, nice work. Tell it you will be back Tough times don't last, tough people do.

This morning mom was officially accepted into the palliative care team. This means we get more services and more insurance coverage for speciality items. She gets a new doctor who specializes in palliative care.
We had some very heavy discussions with the nurse about "things" medical and legal and emotional. She also suggested that my sister in Ontario maybe not wait until May to visit.

Dad is still messing around with the banking stuff. We had a meeting with the social worker which made it clear that he didn't remember half of what was discussed and agreed to last time. His reality and timelines are totally screwed up. I am just to tired to do anything more about it, I just can't put in a 14 hour shift and also deal with the legal problems of getting power of attorney over all this stuff.

I have a cold, my bladder infection is back and I have new asthma medication.

BlackSpinner wrote:I have a cold, my bladder infection is back and I have new asthma medication.

On top of all the other stress, this? I'm so sorry. Sending you mega hugs and tons of positive vibes.

Feel better and try to take care of YOU through all this (difficult I know).

{{{hugs}}}

BlackSpinner,

Do take care of yourself.

Well I am searching for something good to be thankful for...

OK scraping the bottom of the barrel, it will be at least a couple of weeks before you need to mow the grass...

Long and difficult journeys are still taken one step at a time. Sometimes it takes a few steps to gain perspective on how close you are to the long term goal.

[[[HUGS]]]], Blackspinner. Stress kills caregivers faster than the sick person sometimes. Be kind to yourself!

If you search online you can find freebie guided meditations. They won't make your problems go away, but they will give you even a few minutes of respite. It doesn't sound like much, but it really does help. I do these in the bathroom sometimes--the only place I can get a few minutes of privacy.

Thank you people

Just being able to post my feelings here helps a lot.

In a funny way having a cold right now and and being slightly stoned on the meds helps. I don't care as much because I feel like crap. The night time cold meds knock me out so I am getting better sleep.

I had to call my sister in Ontario this afternoon and tell her that waiting until May was not a good idea. That was a hard call to make.

Here's another hug.
{{{{HUG}}}
----Sorry about the water; I missed a spot toweling off.

All I can do is send Internet prayers and love, but you do have that!

Please take are of yourself. In caring for my mother with Alzheimer's I forgot about that. Put off my physical for almost a year, but finally went last month. The stress and poor eating habits has blown up my blood pressure, blood sugar, and triglycerides. My doctor of 27 years (a formidable old lady) beat me up for almost an hour and I hope I am back on track.

We cannot help anyone until we help ourselves first!

SleepDisturbed wrote: Please take are of yourself. In caring for my mother with Alzheimer's I forgot about that. Put off my physical for almost a year, but finally went last month. The stress and poor eating habits has blown up my blood pressure, blood sugar, and triglycerides. My doctor of 27 years (a formidable old lady) beat me up for almost an hour and I hope I am back on track.

We cannot help anyone until we help ourselves first!

I got the same lecture from my doctor yesterday. But it is so hard when I seem to be the only fully "functioning" adult in the house.