Why not hate the CPAP

[MauraAnderson]

I've now had several people ask me if I hate having to use a CPAP or whether I'm angry at my diagnosis and then they seemed surprised when I said no. I'm not angry and I'm not hating anything - well, except a leak blowing into my eyes that doesn't want to stop at 2 am. That annoys me and I hate it - sort of.

But this, as well as some posts I've seen here, got me to really look at why I'm not angry nor hating the machine and I thought I'd share that in case it might help some newbies or those struggling with CPAP.

The way I see it is that I have no choice over my DNA or anatomical issues. It's the hand I'm dealt. All I can do is address problems as they arise and try to avoid any problems I can. I certainly can't go back and choose different parents, though I tease my mother about it occasionally. Hating part of what makes me ME is a complete waste of time and energy. Denial is equally a waste of time in view of the data that shows I do have apnea.

When I was diagnosed with sleep apnea, I did a lot of research on the condition, symptoms, side effects and then on what treatments were available, what the side effects of each one was as well as its success rate. I wanted to know as much about it as possible so that I could make an educated decision on what I wanted to do, if anything, and not be at the mercy of whatever my doctor knew or wanted to convey.

I am free to choose whatever treatment, or even none, I am willing to pursue. No one can really force me into anything. This is the part of sleep apnea *I* have control of - exercising my power to choose to TREAT it. For me, ignoring or not treating it is not an option -- Not only do I not want the huge health issues it leads to but I like to live life and don't particularly want to commit slow suicide by ignoring a life-threatening condition.

I looked at the various treatment options and settled on CPAP. It was non-invasive, non-destructive, effective and could be adjusted as needed. It could be continually monitored and was completely reversible. I knew there would be things I'd have to conquer along the way - I am moderately claustrophobic, a mouth-breather and I have rosacea. That said, the CPAP would allow me to circumvent the anatomical issues I have no control over and win the prize of a longer, healthier life than I'd have otherwise. I'm in a battle to get the MOST out of my life that I can and this is a battle I am out to win with the CPAP was my ammunition.

The CPAP isn't sexy, for sure. And it can be a nuisance at times. But I brought it home and started out as I intended to go on - I put the mask on as soon as I got into bed and left it on. I didn't want to give myself any excuse to be lax or only use it sometimes, including "forgetting" to put it on when I got drowsy. I've had one night I took it off because I could NOT get it to seal since I got the CPAP three months ago - and that next day sucked. Since then it's the same routine every night.

So, no, I don't hate, resent or get angry at having to wear the CPAP. I CHOOSE to treat my sleep apnea with what I consider the best ammunition I for me. I may have been dealt a bad card in the anatomy of my body, but I choose how to play my hand and I won't fold because of it.

[MamaJo]

What a terrific attitude!!!

[mars]

Hi MauraAnderson

Very well said, and absolutely right.

That is the attitude that minimises the problems we meet in our lifetime. We need to have a positive regard for those things that we need in order to get on with our day. They become part of our life, and whatever comes up. we can get on and deal with it, one way or another.

I thought the guy who said "love your disease" was a bit over the top, but certainly to get the best out of what we have we must embrace whatever we need to get well and keep well.

Those who look at what they need as an imposition on their life do not do as good. Even if they comply, compliance with resentment is not a healthy lifestyle.

Lovely to read your post.

Thank you.

Mars

[gulfpearl]

I can't hate my cpap because it has given me back my life. Before cpap I was a walking zombie, which I didn't realise until I was on cpap treatment. At diagnosis my AHI was 92, now I average between 0 - 2.0 AHI a big difference. My children have really noticed a difference they call me their " new Mom". I now have more energy & can do more things with my children. Yes I still have my bad days but they are never as bad as before my cpap. Yes cpap can be a pain when travelling or those nights I am so tired I really don't feel like getting my cpap ready to use for the night. I put up with it because I never want to return to the walking zombie state. So i just can't hate something that has done so much for me

[kteague]

Refreshing post. One point you made that stood out to me is that using CPAP is your informed choice. Thanks for sharing your perspective on your CPAP treatment. If I were a new user struggling with the treatment, your words would be a big help.
Kathy
P.S. I'm reminded of some old sayings that seem to fit right now - Don't bite the hand that feeds you... Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.

[yasulh]

MauraAnderson, I started treatment about the same time you did - and I can identify with your post. I am not angry at all about my diagnosis or treatment. If anything, I have been dealing with anger over not knowing about OSA and getting treatment sooner. I find myself wondering what I could have accomplished over the past few years if I had not been in a fog! I was so happy to finally know what is wrong with me, that I have also used the mask every night since I got it. Yes, it took some adjustment to get used to breathing normally when air is blowing in your nose - but I was determined. I feel so much better!

[flylow]

Most here are inclined to agree whole heartedly. This is, of course, why we are here. We are not victims to the need and are making every effort to make the most of it. There are some here that know this in their heart but have not fully accepted the need. They have made a very important step towards acceptance by visiting this forum, and educating themselves on the condition and the treatment.

Hats off to everyone and especially to those veterans that have this figured out but are still actively posting in order to help and support those that are struggling. You guys amaze me and, I for one, am deeply appreciative.

[secret agent girl]

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[cotech50]

I remember only 2 short months ago when discussing my symptoms with my ENT and saying I was not looking forward to wearing a mask the rest of my life and was scheduled for my first sleep study. Well b4 that study I learned the was no cure for what I and many others have JUST treatment. I also learned that all the many surgical procedures offered at this time the most simplistic and effective treatment is the mask. So with that said as of 11/25/09 I started my life AFTER MASK. It has not all been perfect but in looking back I prefer life AFTER THE MAK!

[Wulfman]

Excellent post Maura. To tell the truth, I wasn't sure what to expect when I read the title/Subject, but I was pleasantly surprised. Your thought processes and pre-therapy research were similar to mine.

I've never understood why people would "hate" this therapy. It's a minor inconvenience when compared to many, many other health conditions and diseases that are much more "challenging" to deal with.

Thanks.

Den

[thewetlizard]

you can have my cpap because I sure hate mine!

[Patrick A]

I have been on Cpap Therapy since 06/21/2005 I would venture to say that I really do not hate my therapy....because I think that if i had not had doctor that was sharp and told me I had sleep apena before I was ever tested I would probably not be here to write this reply to your post.
It's a minor inconvenience when compared to many, many other health conditions and diseases that are much more "challenging" to deal with.

Example this is a minor inconvenience as compared to getting deaded from not treating Sleep Apnea.

As several people commented what a refreshing outlook and post.
Happy Hose Worship!

[MoneyGal]

I seriously injured my knee a few weeks ago. I am now in physiotherapy and will be having surgery sometime in 2010. My knee pain is excruciating (to the point of vomiting) and the physical therapy is not optional - I must get through it in order to be ready for surgery (and then afterwards, to recover from surgery). My mobility is limited and almost every daily activity is challenging for me, including sleep.

CPAP is a walk in the park compared to this.

[roster]

I certainly can't go back and choose different parents, though I tease my mother about it occasionally.

If you are going to do that, you may have to go all the way back to the stone age. It's not something in your parents genes. It's the diet you ate as a child. Modern man gets plenty of calories as a child with very little chewing. Don't chew much as a child and your jaw will be underdeveloped while the tongue and soft palate develop normally.

Put a normal sized tongue and soft palate in a small jaw and you get obstructive sleep apnea.

Go back to the stone age and you will eat a diet that requires much chewing and you get a well-developed jaw and no sleep apnea. But then the average life span was under 40.

[grandmma]

Excellent post, and I agree whole-heartedly. Prior to CPAP for most of us, is really not much of a life at all. Who would begrudge that? You do what you gotta do. Accept that, and you either give in gracefully, 100% committed, or you're (needlessly) fighting a losing battle, really.

It's a minor inconvenience when compared to many, many other health conditions

Amen to that.