Lots of Help but....

Is it me or are there a lot of cranky, downright nasty people on here?

I have had pleasant experiences with the people I have communicated with.......really nice, helpful, extremely knowledgeable people that I respect. However, this may be silly, but it distresses me to see how some people address each other.

This is not something that is unique to this forum. If you read people's comments on different sites, it's the same.....angry, disrespectful, and nasty. At least we have the excuse of not sleeping well!!!

Just venting........

Yeah, most of the time people are extremely helpful, but there are some interesting dynamics now and then. Any board has a cross section of society, including all personalities. Some of those at odds have had those relationships for years. Sometimes persons assume multiple identities and bait the crowd, or particular individuals, with content they know will elicit an adversarial response. Never know the dynamic behind some interactions. When I was new here, the first time I witnessed an "episode" I was so grieved, as my illusion of one big happy family was shattered. I had to accept that we're just a bunch of people with something, but not everything, in common. Since 2006 I've been privileged to "get to know" a lot of really nice caring people here. A sure way for me to stop following a thread is for it to turn ugly. But I'm getting more and more like that with life in general. In earlier years I had to see every detail of every thing - had to read every angry line of the rants, look at the gory road kill, see every tragic picture of natural disasters. Lately I'm more inclined to protect my mind and sanity. If I can't be of any help to a situation, I'm learning to look away. Still got a lot of learning to do though.

kteague wrote:Yeah, most of the time people are extremely helpful, but there are some interesting dynamics now and then. Any board has a cross section of society, including all personalities. Some of those at odds have had those relationships for years. Sometimes persons assume multiple identities and bait the crowd, or particular individuals, with content they know will elicit an adversarial response. Never know the dynamic behind some interactions. When I was new here, the first time I witnessed an "episode" I was so grieved, as my illusion of one big happy family was shattered. I had to accept that we're just a bunch of people with something, but not everything, in common. Since 2006 I've been privileged to "get to know" a lot of really nice caring people here. A sure way for me to stop following a thread is for it to turn ugly. But I'm getting more and more like that with life in general. In earlier years I had to see every detail of every thing - had to read every angry line of the rants, look at the gory road kill, see every tragic picture of natural disasters. Lately I'm more inclined to protect my mind and sanity. If I can't be of any help to a situation, I'm learning to look away. Still got a lot of learning to do though.

That makes so much sense. Unfortunately, my maturity level has always lagged behind and sometimes, I'm incensed by what I consider just plain mean and rude. Most of it is none of my business and I do understand the concept of "trolling". I just don't understand why people enjoy getting a rise out of each other although it's everywhere. I think I may not want to understand it!

You can only change yourself.

In my case I used to have an avatar which was scary.

I changed it.

Todzo wrote:You can only change yourself.

In my case I used to have an avatar which was scary.

I changed it.

Todzo,

As an FYI, if you don't like someone's avatar, please follow your previous suggestion and switch the computer screen to print view.

jaye8899, I think it shows great maturity to be concerned when people are mean and rude.

49er

49er wrote:

Todzo wrote:You can only change yourself.

In my case I used to have an avatar which was scary.

I changed it.

Todzo,

As an FYI, if you don't like someone's avatar, please follow your previous suggestion and switch the computer screen to print view.

jaye8899, I think it shows great maturity to be concerned when people are mean and rude.

49er

Thank you, 49er. Todzo, my avatar is not meant to offend...I just like horror....it''s a great escape from the awful things people really do. In any case, don't fret, I will eventually change it. All in due time!

jaye8898 wrote:

49er wrote:

Todzo wrote:You can only change yourself.

In my case I used to have an avatar which was scary.

I changed it.

Todzo,

As an FYI, if you don't like someone's avatar, please follow your previous suggestion and switch the computer screen to print view.

jaye8899, I think it shows great maturity to be concerned when people are mean and rude.

49er

Thank you, 49er. Todzo, my avatar is not meant to offend...I just like horror....it''s a great escape from the awful things people really do. In any case, don't fret, I will eventually change it. All in due time!

I hope you change it when you're ready to and not because someone is pressuring you to do so, particularly since they have an option to view posts without having to look at avatars that upset them.

49er

49er wrote:

jaye8898 wrote:

49er wrote:

Todzo wrote:Y

Todzo,

people are mean and rude.

49er

D

I hope you change it when you're ready to and not because someone is pressuring you to do so, particularly since they have an option to view posts without having to look at avatars that upset them.

49er

Not to worry........I don't feel pressured at all...Todzo is expressing his opinion. I appreciate your defending me!

Jaye: you haven't seen nuthin' yet. When it comes to politics, it can get real nasty here! I try to stay out of the fray... with hopes of helping folks conquer this nasty disease and maybe get a few laughs along the way. If a thread turns nasty, ignore it... especially if you know it will upset you or you may think it will draw you into the argument. Most folks will eventually leave... then things will settle down a bit.... until another miserable soul finds his way here... Sometimes it's the apnea (not getting enough/proper sleep and being unhealthy for a long time) and sometimes the meanness is bone-deep.

Sheriff

Sheriff Buford wrote:Jaye: you haven't seen nuthin' yet. When it comes to politics, it can get real nasty here! I try to stay out of the fray... with hopes of helping folks conquer this nasty disease and maybe get a few laughs along the way. If a thread turns nasty, ignore it... especially if you know it will upset you or you may think it will draw you into the argument. Most folks will eventually leave... then things will settle down a bit.... until another miserable soul finds his way here... Sometimes it's the apnea (not getting enough/proper sleep and being unhealthy for a long time) and sometimes the meanness is bone-deep.

Sheriff

Sheriff, bite your tongue.

All jokes aside, I think this is the longest this forum has gone without a political thread. Knock on wood.

49er

jaye8898 wrote:That makes so much sense. Unfortunately, my maturity level has always lagged behind and sometimes, I'm incensed by what I consider just plain mean and rude. Most of it is none of my business and I do understand the concept of "trolling". I just don't understand why people enjoy getting a rise out of each other although it's everywhere. I think I may not want to understand it!

To be incensed by meanness and rudeness isn't showing immaturity. It shows a compassion and caring that is very lacking these days. Many people hide behind the anonymous nature of the internet and behave in a way they wouldn't dream of IRL. I don't understand that mentality and cannot wrap my mind around it. I have a strict philosophy about internet behavior (for me obviously). I treat people the same way I would treat them if they were sitting in my family room. If I wouldn't dream of saying it to their face, I won't say it over the internet.

Unfortunately, people, in general, have become very selfish and mean spirited. And it's becoming more common and obvious IRL, not just over the internet.

My advice to you is to get what you can from the forum, make friends with those that have a similar belief system, and ignore what you find upsetting. Otherwise, you'll make yourself crazy watching some of the behaviors.

I'd say that within the past 10 years or so I made a conscious decision to release myself from my prejudices. I've stopped stereotyping people whether it be race or culture. The feeling of relief has been tremendous. With that decision I don't even bother to get into discussions with people who are racists or politically oriented to what I think is extreme any longer. At my age I think, just how many years do I have left? Do I want to waste one precious second involved with people who are involved in hateful thinking? Nope. I can't change their way of thinking and they can't change mine. Perhaps it is age that has mellowed me.

MagsterMile wrote:I'd say that within the past 10 years or so I made a conscious decision to release myself from my prejudices. I've stopped stereotyping people whether it be race or culture. The feeling of relief has been tremendous. With that decision I don't even bother to get into discussions with people who are racists or politically oriented to what I think is extreme any longer. At my age I think, just how many years do I have left? Do I want to waste one precious second involved with people who are involved in hateful thinking? Nope. I can't change their way of thinking and they can't change mine. Perhaps it is age that has mellowed me.

Good for you!

My kids are probably sick of hearing me tell them:

"All you can control is how you act and react to others!"

The corollary of this is "How are you acting and reacting to change the situation?"

And that ties into a comment from Madalot:

Madalot wrote:Unfortunately, people, in general, have become very selfish and mean spirited. And it's becoming more common and obvious IRL, not just over the internet.

By choosing to act positively, I often bring out a better spirit in others. But even if that does not occur, if you choose you can accept the knowledge and experience of others without accepting a negative attitude they might carry. The result is that you grow from their experience - even if they do not!! So, oddly enough, being altruistic and helpful to others often yields significant gains for you - much more than it costs in the effort to be helpful to others.

jaye8898 wrote:Is it me or are there a lot of cranky, downright nasty people on here?

I have had pleasant experiences with the people I have communicated with.......really nice, helpful, extremely knowledgeable people that I respect. However, this may be silly, but it distresses me to see how some people address each other.

This is not something that is unique to this forum. If you read people's comments on different sites, it's the same.....angry, disrespectful, and nasty. At least we have the excuse of not sleeping well!!!

Just venting........

Yeah, personally, I don't understand it. I may read something and think, "Dear god, what an idiot," but why the heck would I or anyone else actually POST it???

On the other hand, I've been around the internet long enough to know that something about internet forums attracts people who enjoy being snarky and rude toward other people from the safety of their keyboards. "angry, disrespectful, and nasty" pretty much describes all unmoderated internet discussions. This forum is almost completely un-monitored and un-moderated, so in a way, it is kind of amazing that we have as little of that kind of thing as we do.

I think this is especially unfortunate due to the unique population that this forum serves. Folks who are physically fatigued ... chronically sleepy ... some coping with memory and cognitive symptoms ... so many dealing with other non-apnea health conditions as well.

These people have a very legitimate and sometimes urgent need for help yet the basic symptoms of apnea can leave them fragile and less capable of dealing with adversity. Also some are elderly and inexperienced with the internet. Some are just not equipped to handle "routine" online nastiness.

And where else do these people have to turn? The dysfunction in the care model can leave people more or less stranded, especially those who are unassertive by nature.

This is one little corner of the internet that needs to be as welcoming as humanly possible ...