Still Unhappy Camper, but Better

[Madalot]

But your thread name change and the subsequent posts made it look like it was nothing but an inconvenience to you. That's what I was reacting too.

I didn't see the need to go over the emotional conversation I had with my doctor's office at 8:30 this morning, where I expressed my shock, disbelief and sympathies towards everyone close to him, or how I told them not to worry that I'd figure something else out or where I started bawling and the woman politely asked me to stop because it would make her start crying again.

And I stand by my post -- why couldn't you have PM'd me instead of putting your reaction out here? Something maybe a little compassionate like "Hey Mad, I know you're not feeling well and having all these problems, but your posts are coming off a little self absorbed, like you don't give a shit about the doctors family or colleagues, and I KNOW you aren't like that...."

Now you've got everyone upset and angry over something that only you felt and believed. You and I could have had a nice discussion, privately, where I could have assured you that I was feeling his loss deeply and not being as self absorbed as YOU were thinking.

Whether you realize it or not, you do owe me an apology. Even if I was totally self absorbed like you inferred, your post was out of line and unnecessary.

And because it came from you, someone that has always been kind and supportive, it hit me harder than had come from a known asshole.

[ems]

Maddie... I understand the difficult position you are in. I also understand that when you are in physical (which then gets into emotional) pain, it gets to be a toss up whether to grieve your doctor or to do something about the awful pain you are in.

I don't remember what state you live in but, I'm wondering (insurance and $$$ permitting) if you could get to a hospital which specializes in the condition(s) you have, including a doctor(s) on staff? I'm thinking that with your doctor's office in such a difficult position that you may not get the immediate attention you deserve right now. There are probably many people that need their help right away and I don't want to think that you could fall through the cracks.

Well, I'm sending positive thoughts and many warm hugs to you. Wishing I had my own private airplane so that I could get you to Stanford or to any one of the well known hospitals.

I'll be checking this thread... please continue to post and rant/vent away.

[Madalot]

"Madalot reality" is perhaps by necessity self-centered.

I said I could take it, so I guess I have to take it without saying anything more.

[jamiswolf]

deleted by poster

[BlackSpinner]

Maddie, you're proving my point. Nothing disrespectful was meant by that. I j=guess you'll just have to add my name to your list if "Known assholes", even though it was unintended.
J

PS: To the relief of all...I'm signing out for now.

Good because you have dug yourself into a really deep hole and are heaping compost o yourself.

And yes I am the daughter of immigrants and damned proud of it. Like many immigrants before them they went from nothing to owning 2 houses and and having professional careers after putting themselves through school AND putting their kids through university without debt. But we don't suffer fools gladly, especially not fools who kick people when they are down.

[idamtnboy]

Madalot, I feel for you. I won't pretend to understand, because I don't. But this one thing I do know. If you feel like saying, "Damn you God, why did you let this happen?" go ahead and say it. First, He is big enough to take it. Second, He understands how you feel. Third, you will be reacting in a manner perfectly consistent with the response mechanism He built into you as a product of His creation.

You are doing yourself a world of good by spouting off here. Venting is healthy, even when it confuses those around you. I wish I knew what encouragement to say to you, but I don't. "Hang in there, it'll get better," sounds so trite I don't want to say it, besides, I don't know if, when, and how much better you will be getting. All I know to say is if I was there I would let you lean on me and cry and scream all you want, and may the peace of God somehow flow through your heart and soul. God bless you.

[Bobshouse]

If you feel like saying, "Damn you God, why did you let this happen?" go ahead and say it. First, He is big enough to take it. Second, He understands how you feel..

Last time someone did that it rained for 40 days and 40 nights.

Hope you get to feeling better Madalot! Prayers to you and yours.

[HoseCrusher]

While I can't help with your medical issues...

I can say that Puffs Ultra Soft tissues will help after a good cry.

Thoughts, prayers, and hugs headed your way.

[ems]

Maddie, you're proving my point. Nothing disrespectful was meant by that. I j=guess you'll just have to add my name to your list if "Known assholes", even though it was unintended.
J

PS: To the relief of all...I'm signing out for now.

Good because you have dug yourself into a really deep hole and are heaping compost o yourself.

And yes I am the daughter of immigrants and damned proud of it. Like many immigrants before them they went from nothing to owning 2 houses and and having professional careers after putting themselves through school AND putting their kids through university without debt. But we don't suffer fools gladly, especially not fools who kick people when they are down.

Okay... time to lay off James now. Yeah... he prob should have kept his thoughts to himself; however, we have no idea what is going on in his life that caused him to say what he said. People say all kinds of things on a message board and 99% of us have no idea what's behind those words.

And BlackS... my mother was an immigrant also. Never thought to not be proud of that.

[msla]

[quote="emsAnd BlackS... my mother was an immigrant also. Never thought to not be proud of that.[/quote]

My parents emigrated in 1948. I was born 6 months later. If I ever get a tattoo, the first one will be "Made in Norway."

[nanwilson]

I am an immigrant, born in England to an English mother and a Canadian soldier dad.... and damn proud of my heritage. Actually you are probably all immigrants or from immigrant ancestors... North America only had natives living here before our ancestors immigrated from their homeland, unless you are 100% native then you are from immigrants.

[archangle]

This reminds me to get a Shingles vaccine.

[Pugsy]

This reminds me to get a Shingles vaccine.

Yeah, me too. I have the RX just haven't wanted to spring for the big bucks to get it just yet.

[ems]

This reminds me to get a Shingles vaccine.

Yeah, me too. I have the RX just haven't wanted to spring for the big bucks to get it just yet.

There really is something good... well, okay about getting old(er)... I got mine while on Medicare. I think my copay was around $20.

[Madalot]

I kind of walked away from all this, feeling a secondary loss, yesterday, of someone I thought was a friend. As a friend, I would have easily forgiven and moved on, but it's difficult to forgive someone who doesn't ask to be forgiven. My husband is one of those people in my life that does -- "I'm sorry, but..." then goes on to explain & justify why he did what he did, thus nullifying any apology that may have been there. My husband believes if he didn't intend to hurt me, it's MY problem if I'm hurt, a mindset so foreign to me I have trouble wrapping my mind around it. I've tried over and over to give him examples that illustrate that thinking is flawed (like a drunk driver who doesn't mean to kill someone, but does), but he refuses to see it.

I want to thank each and every other person that posted here, both supporting me and helping me figure out what I should do. I'm sorry that I haven't thanked you each individually, but please know I know who you are and appreciate what you have done.

I still do not have any specifics about what happened to my doctor. Whatever happened to him, I have lost someone important in my life and am deeply saddened for his family, his colleagues and his other patients. Rest in Peace, Dr. W. You will be missed.

The nurse called this morning, having spoken to Dr. C, another doctor in this practice. They are saying there is no specific test for shingles, which I myself am not sure about. However, since the doctors Friday increased my gabapentin dosage, the shingles-like pain is lessening slightly. Since my doctor's office is scrambling so much right now, we have agreed that I will let this go another week, especially since the gabapentin, plus the muscle relaxant at night, seem to be lessening the severity of the pain.

Obviously, *IF* things worsen, I'll call them. They have transferred me to Dr. C and at this stage and he is my doctor of record. I've never met him, but would rather give him a try than start over from scratch. I've been with this practice several years and am comfortable staying there if Dr. C is even half as easy going as Dr. W was.

As far as being on topic for this forum, I have been sleeping at a set EPAP of 10 for several nights now. It's okay and does seem to help when supine. However, I CAN feel occasional difficulty exhaling against it, especially when first going to sleep or if I wake up and shift positions. If not for the FOTs in the AVAPS-AE mode, I'd just use that, but they are disturbing on different level.

I'm still in constant pain, worsened by clothing or leaning back on a chair or pillow, but it is easier to cope with as long as am aware an try not to slam myself back against anything. I will wait it out and hope that it goes away on its own.

Again, my deepest thanks to all that have posted in support and kindness. It means a lot to me.