Avoiding going to bed, panicky and fearful

cpax, you are so not alone in this!

I've been at this almost a year now, and at first freaked out over having something strapped to my face and depending on it for my air supply when I slept - a scary concept in anyone's book IMHO.

I tried a few things, but something that worked for me from Day 1, and I still do this every night.

I go to bed about 30 minutes before I really want to sleep, after making sure my CPAP stuff is all ready (nasal pillows cleaned, some essential oil for aromatherapy, etc.). Then I turn my bedroom tv on to a dvr'd episode of Jeopardy (or other non-excitable show of half an hour) and whilst watching Jeopardy, turn the CPAP on, put on mask - tweaking my mask until it's very comfy - snug but not tight, breathing so that it becomes almost unconscious and I'm not thinking about each breath. By the time the program is finished, I'm struggling to stay awake and fall asleep without any trouble at all.

Hang in there - you'll find THE THING that works for you - and it really does get easier to deal with, but it's critical you don't stop wearing your mask all night - bad habits are very hard to break.

Cheers,
xena

cpax wrote:This is because of the therapy?!?!?
Ohh I am so going to work at this!

It is not just about cpap.

It is an amazing journey into yourself.
It is the grandest of adventures.

Beyond the fear, is a new life for you.
Embrace it.

I'll see you on the road.

cpax wrote:Holy crap! I just left my cubicle and went and up the stairs. No grinding pain in my leg muscles and while I was a bit winded, I'm usually gasping and my heart is pounding. This is because of the therapy?!?!? Ohh I am so going to work at this!

YES! This! It is also working this way for me.

Just awoke from my 7th night on cpap, the best night so far. 3 decent periods of good sleep with a major panic attack in the middle. I just refused to give in, as powerful as those feelings are, the benefits and the new life that carbonman was talking about are FAR greater. Feeling great!

This forum is the greatest thing. When they hand over the machine to new users, they should recommend it. Thanks community, couldn't have got this far without you.

I am loving the fact that I feel lovely and tired at night and know that I am now getting quality sleep and now awake feeling refreshed - the lead weights have lifted off my eyelids and i have lost the foggy feeling in my head and the walking through wet concrete of feeling of my whole body. A colleague remarked today that "we have you back again" and I do feel like myself again after a very long time

So persist and persevere and trust that it will work

Cheers K

cpax wrote:I just refused to give in, the benefits and the new life are FAR greater.

There is no force,
no enemy,
no darkness
that can stand against that proclamation.
Say it out loud,
throughout the day,
loud and clear.
Thoughts become things.

cpax wrote:Feeling great!

Revel in it!
Dive into!
Drink it in!
Wallow around in it and
get it all over you.

Enjoy!

cpax wrote:Just awoke from my 7th night on cpap, the best night so far. 3 decent periods of good sleep with a major panic attack in the middle. I just refused to give in, as powerful as those feelings are, the benefits and the new life that carbonman was talking about are FAR greater. Feeling great!

This forum is the greatest thing. When they hand over the machine to new users, they should recommend it. Thanks community, couldn't have got this far without you.

You're winning that battle of the mind (and body).

Keep going, and then one day soon a newbie will be writing a post about how they are having difficulty with CPAP and you'll be able to share your experience which will help set them on the right track. Keep up the good work and effort!

cpax wrote:Just awoke from my 7th night on cpap, the best night so far. 3 decent periods of good sleep with a major panic attack in the middle. I just refused to give in, as powerful as those feelings are, the benefits and the new life that carbonman was talking about are FAR greater. Feeling great!

Salute those panic attacks and tell them they can step down now. The mind works easier with rewards then with "discipline" Think 3 year old frightened kid - you give them attractive distractions, yelling at them just makes them scream louder, logic is meaningless.

Congratulations!

cpax, once I started being able to sleep, I next had trouble getting to sleep. If you've been sleepless for a while it can set you back a bit. So, don't be discouraged if that happens. It takes a while for our bodies and minds to accept the new reality of being able to sleep. Keep thinking positive and savor that feeling that the morning was just minted fresh a moment ago.

Well after 8 nights, I'm still experiencing heavy anxiety through the day. I have had all kinds of great suggestions about visualizations and breathing techniques but the thing is I wake in the middle of the night or early morning, struggling to draw air through my nose and that's what's causing the anxiety. Thinking about it through the day just magnifies it. The stress just owns me. I'm getting weary from fighting it. Intellectually I know what the benefits are but I can't convince the knots in my gut to go away!

I feel trapped between my past of horrible sleep and the present on suffocating under the mask.

cpax wrote:Well after 8 nights, I'm still experiencing heavy anxiety through the day. I have had all kinds of great suggestions about visualizations and breathing techniques but the thing is I wake in the middle of the night or early morning, struggling to draw air through my nose and that's what's causing the anxiety. Thinking about it through the day just magnifies it. The stress just owns me. I'm getting weary from fighting it. Intellectually I know what the benefits are but I can't convince the knots in my gut to go away!

I feel trapped between my past of horrible sleep and the present on suffocating under the mask.

Perhaps another mask would do? Are you a mouth breather, or could you be? I think I'd go through the same thing if I didn't have the FFM (full face mask). Perhaps you might want to try the Quattro FX or some other type of FFM?

I saw another post where you mentioned the difficulty of climbing the stairs. Is that and all the other problems you suffer from the apnea a better way to live than sleeping with the machine? How would you feel if you had a debilitating stroke? You'd have to live under worse mental stress than you do right now with the machine. The consequences of getting off CPAP are far worse than the consequences of staying on, even if it is uncomfortable for a while.

You're in the battle of the mind right now, don't give in and don't give up. Push through this. I'm sure some other suggestions will come your way, but I do know you CAN do it. Push through it my friend. Push through it. And strongly consider a FFM where you can breathe with your mouth when your nose won't let you.

cpax wrote:I wake in the middle of the night or early morning, struggling to draw air through my nose

Is there really anything wrong when you wake up struggling? If you inhale, does air come in and fill your lungs? Is your nose stopped up? If you put your hand over the exhaust vent on the mask, is air coming out? Open your mouth. Does air gush out?

What is your pressure setting?

I'll be short with my response because there are already plenty of good one's!

But when I was diagnosed at age 23 with severe OSA, I was beyond shocked. I went through all the motions, anxious, bit depressed, scared, every feeling associated with being newly diagnosed and having to accept that I have to put a mask on my face every night, for what could be forever. All daunting thoughts. Then I just stopped thinking negatively all together, it was getting me no where. I had to be open and willing and focus on the BENEFITS, not the other way around. I know, easier said than done initially but my main point is it DOES get better and it DOES get easier, much easier. It just becomes completely normal.

Patience and persistance are key. The first few weeks are the toughest, but just keep on keeping on. The one biggest thing that still helps me to this day is to remind myself "IT'S JUST AIR!" I have all the power in the world to lift that mask up off my face for a moment, to get over the panicky , claustrophobic sensation. And the best part of a nasal mask in my opinion is you can just simply open your mouth! It let's all the air out and get's rid of above mentioned sensations. I had to do this frequently at the start, but as soon as I realized "Hey, just open your mouth, calm down, it's only air, and try again" If you keep it up, you'll be fully adjusted in no time.

Remember, it's only air. Open your mouth, let the pressure out. And above all, it DOES get easier. It just becomes second nature. Trust me, I went through all these motions, but I am glad I stuck it out just for my health's sake alone.

Is there really anything wrong when you wake up struggling? If you inhale, does air come in and fill your lungs? Is your nose stopped up?

Last night my nose was closed on one side a severely restricted on the other. I could draw a breath only with conscious effort

What is your pressure setting?

My setting is 9cm, which I understand is about mid-range. When it works, it works very well.

Today I made an appointment with the supplier to talk about full face masks next Tuesday. In the meantime I will continue to work with the nose mask.

It's ironic that before my cpap I never stressed about going to bed and mostly didn't remember gasping for air but I was up 2-3 times a night to pee and woke up, dry mouthed, cotton-headed, miserable with a headache. Since cpap the nights have been more stressful but the way I feel in the morning, even after the worst night, is way better. I know things will continue to improve.

cpax wrote:It's ironic that before my cpap I never stressed about going to bed and mostly didn't remember gasping for air but I was up 2-3 times a night to pee and woke up, dry mouthed, cotton-headed, miserable with a headache. Since cpap the nights have been more stressful but the way I feel in the morning, even after the worst night, is way better. I know things will continue to improve.

Good attitude, hang in there, CPAP has it's troubles, but it's far better than the alternative. I'm really glad to hear you say that. Keep pushing through, you'll get there.