Unsupportive Spouse

BlackSpinner · Post by **BlackSpinner** » Sat Jul 23, 2011 9:00 pm

Guest wrote:
BlackSpinner wrote:(not work safe)
Not even safe for home. Now Amazon thinks I'm interested in that sort of thing.

Supposedly it won't ring any TSA bells. A friend posted it on Facebook. But anyway it is perfect match, stylistically, to the Quatro mask.

Resister · Post by **Resister** » Sat Jul 23, 2011 9:18 pm

I had many, many chuckles while reading your comments. THANK YOU!!! Yes, I DO need to keep my humor, I DON'T need to feel bad about therapy, and I MIGHT need to get the male chastity belt!

Hoping/Praying for a restful sleep, sans chaos.

CruzTerri · Post by **CruzTerri** » Sat Jul 23, 2011 11:17 pm

My husband and I have a fun, joking relationship. We recently celebrated our 25th anniversary. Last January when I began my xPAP, the first night, my husband true to form, made a joke. It wasn't hurtful, but it didn't feel right. We do joke with one another, and I love the relationship that we have established. The second night, he, again in usual form, made another joke. That one bothered me more than the first. The third night, I told him calmly that all our joking around didn't belong in this situation, that it made me very self-conscious and asked him to stop. He put his arms around me and apologized, and hasn't joked since. He's been very supportive, in fact, he would still kiss me goodbye when he left in the morning, even though I was all trussed up with chin strap and mask and still asleep! I used the past tense because he recently lost his job, but has offers and should be starting a new one soon

So, as some have stated, he could be using the joke as a coping mechanism and I'm sure that if you would talk to him, as I did with my husband, he would understand. Especially since he has apologized! This is surely a change for both of you. I wish you good luck with your therapy.

rested gal · Post by **rested gal** » Sat Jul 23, 2011 11:29 pm

Resister wrote: I had many, many chuckles while reading your comments. THANK YOU!!! Yes, I DO need to keep my humor, I DON'T need to feel bad about therapy, and I MIGHT need to get the male chastity belt!

Hoping/Praying for a restful sleep, sans chaos.

Good for you, Resister! And good for your nice husband for apologizing for the ill-timed joke.

Besides being good for us, using CPAP really does have its humorous side -- if we look for it....

LINKS to mikemoran humor
viewtopic.php?t=5949

Paper_Nanny · Post by **Paper_Nanny** » Sun Jul 24, 2011 8:56 pm

CruzTerri wrote:My husband and I have a fun, joking relationship. We recently celebrated our 25th anniversary. Last January when I began my xPAP, the first night, my husband true to form, made a joke. It wasn't hurtful, but it didn't feel right.

Congratulations on the 25th anniversary!! That is a wonderful milestone to reach!!

Over the past decade of dealing with my multiple sclerosis, and dealing with many things that I was not ready to joke about right away, I have gotten better at thinking things through before the jokes can happen, seeing that certain situations will not feel right for joking, and telling Husband that before he has a chance to joke about it. No more hurt feelings from ill timed jokes and much more talking about our fears and concerns.

Deborah

howkim · Post by **howkim** » Mon Jul 25, 2011 5:49 pm

BlackSpinner wrote:He is scared shitless by this. People joke in order not to face reality. Tell him his pecker is still there and you prefer to stay alive and if he feels like making a negative comment to check his pants first.

I absolutely agree.

rubymom · Post by **rubymom** » Mon Jul 25, 2011 7:04 pm

OK, I'm going to go out on a limb here, Resister, and disagree with all the posters who say it is about your husband. With all due respect, I think it's about you. This is your resistance to change. Your blaming it on your husband is a convenient way to deflect and not have to face up to your own resistance. Own it. There's no shame in it. Many of us have resisted in different ways for varying lengths of time. Overcome it. You can do it.

(Your screenname is a self-fulfilling prophecy.)

Resister · Post by **Resister** » Mon Jul 25, 2011 8:31 pm

rubymom wrote:OK, I'm going to go out on a limb here, Resister, and disagree with all the posters who say it is about your husband. With all due respect, I think it's about you. This is your resistance to change. Your blaming it on your husband is a convenient way to deflect and not have to face up to your own resistance. Own it. There's no shame in it. Many of us have resisted in different ways for varying lengths of time. Overcome it. You can do it.

(Your screenname is a self-fulfilling prophecy.)

I do agree that if I were stronger and more confident his comments wouldn't have bothered me so much. He has not said another word since, but I have taken the chicken's way out by keeping toopicks in my eyes to stay awake until after he falls asleep.

Baby steps.

LittleRedTruck · Post by **LittleRedTruck** » Mon Jul 25, 2011 8:42 pm

This post is defiantly for the ladies ! Im taking my truck and going home !!! But, not before wishing you all a great evening ! Dan

ozze_dollar · Post by **ozze_dollar** » Mon Jul 25, 2011 8:53 pm

So you stay awake until he goes to sleep so he wont see your mask. wow.
You still havnt sorted this out yet have you?
How long will you go on like this?
I think there is something wrong here. Either the relationship or you or him but somethings wrong.
THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH WEARING A MASK FOR YOUR HEALTH.

gasp · Post by **gasp** » Mon Jul 25, 2011 9:18 pm

LittleRedTruck wrote:This post is defiantly for the ladies ! Im taking my truck and going home !!! But, not before wishing you all a great evening ! Dan

Nice truck. Now will you stay? : )

Resister · Post by **Resister** » Mon Jul 25, 2011 9:48 pm

ozze_dollar wrote:So you stay awake until he goes to sleep so he wont see your mask. wow.
You still havnt sorted this out yet have you?
How long will you go on like this?
I think there is something wrong here. Either the relationship or you or him but somethings wrong.
THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH WEARING A MASK FOR YOUR HEALTH.

I wholeheartedly agree! If I could put my finger on it, I would.

Hopefully I/we get our stuff together soon. Can't go on like this forever!

ozze_dollar · Post by **ozze_dollar** » Mon Jul 25, 2011 11:19 pm

You agree...Oh I was expecting a bit of a battle.

Let me give you an observation....You dont seem to be able to approach him and discuss it.
Give some thought to ...why is it so.
Are you a very timid person?
Are you scared of him?

There has to be a reason.

Unsupportive Spouse

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