I have begun to “hate” my mask

Hi all,
I am “venting” again and this may sound quite “childish”. If it is possible for a human to hate an inanimate object, I have begun to hate that piece of plastic that I must strap to my face every time that I sleep.

I cannot say that I hate my mask, I just hate what it represents. It represents the fact that I must be attached to a machine to be certain that I will be able to breathe properly when I sleep. I realize that there are worse conditions out there, but I am only concerned with my condition.

I started this journey 7 months ago and it (the dislike) hasn’t improved any. Is there a time when it could improve?

Please don’t suggest that I should get professional help, because I think I would drive him or her crazy. I’m sorry to use you folks as a “venting” agent, but you have all been through this, and it seems that none else wants to listen.

Again, thanks and sleep well.

My immediate reaction is sorrow. When we hate something that is doing its best to improve us we have an attitude problem

Please excuse me if this sounds trite but I mean it ... did you hate your mom for trying to feed you when you didn't like the style or taste of the food ? If you did, was she trying to poison you or grow you ?

What I am saying is don't get to hate anything that is just doing its best to give you a better life. The next step from hate is to destroy & in the case of CPAP destroying CPAP therapy can be as good as destroying the pillars holding the roof above you, because they get in your way.

Tell me you know the mask is trying to do you good !
Tell me you are the one that has to get the mask right so it can do its best for you !

Cheers & good luck - this is frustrating and it can be grating

Doug M

It's true. Having to wear this mask every night sucks. There's nothing I can do to change that except stop wearing it. If I stop wearing it then I'll stop complaining. Yep you won't hear another peep out of me. Cuz I'll be dead.

...and I suppose then we'll all be sorry and wish we hadn't been so mean to you?

Oh, come on. Is there anything you can do to eliminate your sleep apnea? If there is, and you're not doing that, maybe you're really mad at yourself.

Rigby (yes, as in Eleanor)

Tenpin
This coming November will mark my 5th year on Pap therapy. I have worn my mask every single night. That's about 1700 nights sucking on this hose. I am a restless type sleeper who also has some problems with insomnia. (yuck) So..............My point is .......If I can do it ...so can you.
My advice to you.
1. Talk to your doctor
2. Study these message boards (always good to get advice from those who have "been there done that"
3. Try different masks........it might be expensive but it's worth finding a setup you can tolerate.
4. Make sure you have the proper prescription (machine/pressures..auto vs Cpap vs Bipap)
5. Wear that sucker every night. It took me about a year to get completely comfortable. Now , It's just like brushing my teeth......."set my clock, turn on the machine/humidifier, get in bed, put on the mask, hook up and then think about breathing normal........(hard concept) try to relax your hands, arms feet etc. (sounds silly but that's what worked for me)
5. Prayer also helps !!

Good Luck
Rich

Yes, it is OK to hate your mask. We are only human and sometimes, if we are otherwise almost normal, sane people, we would like to throw the damn thing on the floor and jump up and down on it. Everyone experiences frustration. The important thing is to do everything you can to make the experience more positive.........maybe you need to use a different nasal interface. Remember, just because a lot of people recommend a mask, DOES NOT MEAN that it is right for you. I have browsed CPAPMAN.com endlessly looking at different masks and headgear....they have the greatest pictures...they are also pretty expensive. Yes, we all know that worse things can happen to us......but it is OK to just be disgusted with this problem right here and now. Do not add guilt to your emotions. Are you able to monitor your progress? Sometimes "seeing" the printed improvement will help you feel better about your therapy. Everyone told me the Activa was the best mask....and it is a great mask.......I hated that thing with every fiber of my being. I could not stand the forehead piece...it drove me crazy. I finally removed that portion of the mask but it still left a rather large piece of sharp plastic right between my eyes. I took the mask to the garage and removed the extra piece of plastic with a butane torch!!!!! Yes, sometimes you have to give in to the type A side of your personality. It made me feel so much better I cannot begin to tell you. I now use the Activa, without the top piece and it seals just fine and I am now happier with it...besides which it does not weigh as much. Take time to just sit back and say "what do I hate the most" and find a couple of solutions....trust me, there is no right way to do everything..only the way that makes your treatment successful for you! Yes, hate is pretty strong and I usually reserve it for very important things like peas, raisins and pineapple!!!!!!! Don't just hold in your feelings....let them out. Everyone on the board has been there at one time or another.....sometimes we just need someone to say it will be OK. So here it is: "It will be OK!"

I just hate what it represents. It represents the fact that I must be attached to a machine to be certain that I will be able to breathe properly when I sleep.

Reminds me of the first time I was hooked up to CPAP in the sleep lab and realized I couldn't read myself to sleep (in Breeze) which made me very anxious.

Then descended into a bout of self-pity and self-disgust to have reached a juncture in life that I have to be hooked up to medical breathing apparatus at night. Felt vulnerable, sick, and pathetic.

Then I started crying-- and of course that made my nose stuff up so I couldn't breath through Breeze. Then cried about being stupid enough to cry with interface on...

Although the sleep clinic staff have been avoiding this crazy patient ever since, in retrospect it seems quite reasonable. It IS a sort of loss, a new dependency that many of us have to deal with emotionally.

So I kind of know how you feel. And I don't think it is spoiled brat behavior unless we use that as an excuse not to use CPAP.

At the same time, I'm often grateful that the technology exists: Used to be that people with OSA were given trachs if they were really bad off and if not just left to struggle and debilitation.

Gracie

This might seem too easy, but force yourself to love the mask,cpap,etc. Eventually it will be your night time routine,I've been using one for 8 months,and I don't mind it at all. Sure, I felt the same way at first,it was such a strange feeling to have the mask on your face at night, and I thought,how in the world am I going to do this, but I didn't "fight it" and soon adjusted to it all.
I know everyone is different and has different emotions, and ways to handle problems.
And, really , I had no one to talk to, everyone I asked about it,or had talked to before didn't use their cpap. They just gave up.And my M.D. didn't know that much about it also.
So, when I found this forum,I was ecstatic. I have learned loads since then.
And, I feel so much better now that I can really SLEEP.

I wish you luck in adjusting to cpap.

Marie

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I hated my mask at first, too. Or maybe I hated the idea of having to look like I was in an ICU on a life support system every night. I was frustrated, embarassed, and angry.

To make matters worse, I had mask leaks, mouth leaks, rainouts, congestion, and even more insomnia. Sometimes I awoke feeling even more fatigued than I did before starting CPAP. I thought how could this be possible that after all I was going through, I was not feeling better? I thought back at the video they showed me at the sleep study center about the man who after wearing the mask for one night, felt like a new man with more energy than he had in 20 years, etc.

After sometime, I started noticing that even though I woke up very fatigued, I had a little more energy once I got up and started moving around. Then I traded in my cpap for an autopap and started feeling alert even when I woke up.

My energy continued to increase, and I knew it was because of the CPAP therapy. Now I look forward to going to bed. I used to dread it.

I wouldn't say I now love my mask, but I can say that I am so thankful for a piece of equipment that is letting me begin to resume a normal life, that I don't really mind the mask or the equipment or the little ritual of getting ready to go to sleep.

The greatest benefit is not how I sleep at night but how I feel during the day.

If you hate your mask, you are probably not getting the full benefit from the therapy. If you were, you would most like think wearing a mask is a small price to pay for being able to return to a normal life.

SnoreNoMore2005

Tom is on his second CPAP, so he must have been on it for quite some time.

He has really helped me with my attitude with wearing my mask all night and using the CPAP.

The only thing that bothered Tom and myself was the obscentities my original mask was making. I was able to get a different mask out of pocket with Tom's help and I have slept better than I have in a long time.

I think I am turning into a bridezzila.

19 days before the wedding.