OT - Tragic Death in Family

[Bluebonnet_Gal]

The past week has been among the most difficult of my life. Last Thursday my husband's cousin shot and killed himself. He left no note. There were no warning signs. He took his son to school as he does every morning. Then, instead of going to work, he went home, parked his truck where he always does, left his keys in the house where he always leaves them, picked up a gun, went outside and shot himself. There were no signs of marital problems, no signs of depression. His family is having a very difficult time coping, trying to understand, trying to accept. I've battled depression in the past and I have a hint of understanding. I've heard many comments from family members the past week indicating they have no hint at all of what depression can do to a person. I'm battling a myriad of emotions right now. Sympathy and pain for my husband's aunt, the widow and the now fatherless child. Anger at my family members for some of their comments and lack of understanding. That leads to a kind of lonliness.

I'm at a loss for words now, but I had to make a start.

[JayC]

wow....I have no words....

healing energies and prayers for all

J

[Pad A Cheek]

I am so sorry for you and your family. Suicide is always so hard to understand for those who are left behind. I know this was a shock and a huge loss for your family, I know you wish he would have sought the help that he needed.

My prayers are with you and your family.

Karen

[DreamStalker]

I had a cousin who shot himself because the girl he had a crush on riduculed him in front of his friends (he was about 17 at the time). It took his dad over ten years to get over it and by then he had neglected my other cousin (his down daughter) for over a decade.

I guess what I'm trying to say is ... be greatful and love the ones you still have around. I know that seems easier said than done but there is no need to make a sad event more sad than it has to be. Don't make your family member's lack of understanding your lack of understanding ... everyone is different.

Best wishes.

[-SWS]

Bluebonnet_Gal, loss of a loved one to suicide can have lingering and profound effects on family members and friends left behind. My condolences to you and your extended family members.

Below are a couple links that may eventually help:
http://www.afsp.org/index.cfm?page_id=f ... d56c229a75
http://www.survivingsuicide.com/

And, of course, web sites are never a good substitute for specialized counseling conducted in person. My best healing wishes for the survivors of this tragedy.

[Paul56]

My condolences to you and your family.

Unless someone is closely watching and there are visible signs no one will know... particularly if he made an effort to hide it. Over 10 years ago I had a serious bout with depression... no one had a clue as to what was going on with me. Those that eventually found out were in disbelief for a while. It took a good 6 months to 1 year to get it back together... been fine since that but still have my days at times.

[DreamDiver]

I cannot begin to know what you're going through, but like many here, we're here to listen and hope for some light to shine at the right moment. My condolences to you and yours.

[ozij]

Bluebonnet_Gal, one of the horrors of facing such a deed is the realization of what extreme loneliness and lack of words must have been behind it. That realization is something your whole family is facing now - consciously or unconsciously - and the fear - and anger - make some people incapable of further empathy.

Despite your loneliness, you are not alone - we are all deeply lonely when faced with faced with death - especially one like this - and we all have to reach out to other human beings at such times - I am glad you reached out to us.


O.

[roster]

Bluebonnet_Gal,

Please accept my sincere sympathy on the tragic death of your husband's cousin. I am very sorry that he is no longer with you.

No doubt this sad event has been very disturbing for you and for the many other people who knew and cared for him. I am thinking of you and them in this time of loss and bereavement.

With sympathy,

Rooster

[Marietjie]

Unless someone is closely watching and there are visible signs no one will know...

This is called 'masked depression'. These sufferers look and operate very normal, but inside they are breaking up, very sad and depressed and never talk about how they feel

My condolences to you and your husband.

[Catnap]

What a terrible thing for all of you. My thoughts and prayers will be with you and your family.

[BleepingBeauty]

My condolences to you and your family.

[kteague]

How very sad! Yes, sometimes the depressed are quite adept at hiding the turmoil within.

When I was just 23, mother of a 5 year old and 2 day old, my husband was murdered. In the following months people would see me smiling and comment on how well I was doing - NOT! I was even smiling when I borrowed a gun saying it was for protection. I wish everyone's story had the same outcome as mine. I am saddened to hear that your family must go thru this painful experience.

It is hard to understand those things not of our experience. I've said things in the past that in later years I realized were not only insensitive, but ignorant. They were my outsider opinions about addiction and alcoholism. Not till I was on a medication a couple years ago that caused addictive behaviors did I get just a glimpse of the raging battle those with addictions live with.

While some of your family members are not going to be able to understand depression, try to see it as a good thing that they have not gained that personal experience. One thing I've appreciated when misunderstood is that I don't need anyone's understanding to validate my experience. And I hope others don't need mine, because I may disappoint them. Sure hope talking to friends here meets some needs in your heart at this time.

Kathy

[kteague]

Sorry - just noticed this double posted.
Kathy

[DyannaK]

I am so sorry to hear this... My deepest sympathies to you and your family..