Lonely, frustrated and depressed about CPAP, cannot sleep

I hate CPAP! I want to throw the stupid machine out the window and never deal with it again. I have now not slept for three nights in a row. Have been trying this for the past three weeks and feel like throwing in the towel. Have tried nasal mask, moved too much during the night, tried Swift LT nasal pillows, can't stop leakage. I am very, very frustrated and at the same time extremely anxious that I will pass away in my sleep, have a heart attack, etc b ut I also know that not getting any sleep with also cause car accidents, heart attacks, increased depression. I feel like I am damned if I do and damned if I don't. I do not know where to put in my information. I have about a five or six year old Resmed 6 with Swift LT nasal pillows and have tried with and without the chin strap. First night I got the nasal pillows I slept fine and since then I have not been able to get a comfortable seal with them. I washed them today and still having problems. Tape does not work, chin strap does not work, and headgear keeps slipping because of my hair. I just plain feel like giving up and say if God wants to take me in the middle of the night then let me die. I was sleeping much better before this whole thing came along. I hate it, hate it, hate it and I feel like it will never get any better. I may as well just swear off ever getting another good night's sleep. I am not sleeping with this thing again until I can go see my sleep doctor again. This is getting rediculous. I cannot function like this anymore.

I am only in week 3 also, so I have no insight for you. I just wanted you to know that I am sorry that you are struggling so much with your treatment.

Yeah that sounds like a pretty awful place to be in. Sometimes, some days, this s**ks. Hope by now you've taken some deep breaths and been able to take a break from worrying and thinking about it. Maybe distract yourself for a little while and let your system calm itself. Then do what you can, just one little step at a time. I think that's what most of us have done to make any progress at all, and sometimes it feels like one step forward and two back. But if you give up, you never get the times it's one step back and three forward and over time hopefully it gets better. Good luck with your next appointment with your sleep doc -- hope it's soon. And I hope you can find someone live to talk to to help tide you over. Best wishes.

I have the Swift LT and actually love it. Have you tried any other sizes of the pillows? I use the medium, but have tried the large and small. With the large I could not get it to seal effectively and it would leak anytime I even slightly moved. With the small, I just couldn't breath very well. The medium works perfectly for me, I can move very well with it, and it doesn't have to be tight to seal. Make sure you have the pressure off when you are putting the mask on. It can be tricky to readjust if it does start leaking. Much easier in my opinion to shut the air off, readjust the mask, and then turn it back on. Just my experience with it. I didn't think I'd ever be able to get used to wearing a mask to sleep, but now I don't like to sleep without it. When was your last sleep study? There is a lot of knowledge and information on here and lots of people who can answer just about any question you have and can help.

In regards to the questions about the pillows. Currently, I am using the small size. Seems to fit the best but I am not sure. The Swift LT came with small, medium, and large pillows. The problem is when I am using the small pillows, I feel like I am suffocating. Is this an indication that I should move to the larger size, medium and try that? I like being able to attach the hose to the top of head and get the tubing out of the way. I also like not having so much straps and stuff with that. The problem is the back straps slide during the night because of my hair. I am trying to solve that problem too and playing with the humidification levels. I am trying everything I can think of. I slept really good with it the first night and have had troubles since. Any other suggestions?

Comments deleted based on moderation of a previous post.

swcompassionate, Take a deep breath.
I know your anxieties are high along with your frustration level. Truth is even with a form fitted CPAP and the perfect nasle gear, your still going to have bad nights. A sleep aid might help. Try Zanax. it works wonders for me when i have had a couple rough nights in a row. But just use it if you have to. Nothing is going to be perfect. Like the earlier post said, you need to take those first steps to actually make progress. If you give up, the worst just might happen and none of us want that to happen to you and we dont even know you. What we can do is walk with you. Hold you up to take those steps. Tell you what you need to do to make those strides longer so you can get to your goal faster. We will help you out as long as you are willing to listen. Good luck and good rest. P.S. Don't sweat the small stuff.

Oh swcompassionate


I'm also new to this cpap world, and I can remember being where you are. It's no fun, and sometimes it seems that it will never get better.

But . . . . . if you perservere, it WILL get better.

Sometime in the future (most likely the very near future) you'll look back with a sense of satisfaction and relief and realise that you're sleeping well, your IQ seems to have picked up about 30 points, and you'll wonder why you didn't embark on this journey so many years ago.

There are some wonderful people on this forum who will help you, whether it be with technical advice, kind supportive words, or just the benefit of their experience. If you're feeling pressured or anxious, just call out for help. You'll get it.

Good luck

K

PS I never had a problem with the straps and my hair - I have a secret remedy. Go bald

If your hair is a little on the long side (or longer)... try putting your hair through the straps. I know that when I was wearing the original Swift I'd put my hair through the straps and it would help the headgear stay put.

I don't use one since I use the bald method of not having problems with my hair . However I have read about something called a PapCap. Seems to me it would help with the hair problem. But I don't know for sure. Maybe someone with hair and a PapCap could chime in. I know I was trying to grow what little hair I can grow and after it got to be 1/4 inch long it seemed like all of a sudden I couldn't keep a seal when I moved. I shaved my head again last night and started getting a good seal. The PapCap hkas a chin strap that con help with mouth leaks also. You've just go to keep playing around with things until you start having success. I have been one of the lucky ones and haven't had too much trouble but I still have my bad nights I have to work through. Even with the bad nights, once you get this thing working for you you will love having some worthwhile sleep. Keep at it I know you will get things working better.

Dale

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swcompassionate wrote:I hate CPAP! I want to throw the stupid machine out the window and never deal with it again. I have now not slept for three nights in a row. Have been trying this for the past three weeks and feel like throwing in the towel. Have tried nasal mask, moved too much during the night, tried Swift LT nasal pillows, can't stop leakage. I am very, very frustrated and at the same time extremely anxious that I will pass away in my sleep, have a heart attack, etc b ut I also know that not getting any sleep with also cause car accidents, heart attacks, increased depression. I feel like I am damned if I do and damned if I don't. I do not know where to put in my information. I have about a five or six year old Resmed 6 with Swift LT nasal pillows and have tried with and without the chin strap. First night I got the nasal pillows I slept fine and since then I have not been able to get a comfortable seal with them. I washed them today and still having problems. Tape does not work, chin strap does not work, and headgear keeps slipping because of my hair. I just plain feel like giving up and say if God wants to take me in the middle of the night then let me die. I was sleeping much better before this whole thing came along. I hate it, hate it, hate it and I feel like it will never get any better. I may as well just swear off ever getting another good night's sleep. I am not sleeping with this thing again until I can go see my sleep doctor again. This is getting rediculous. I cannot function like this anymore.

It took me six weeks before everything clicked in place. That was about six years ago. I just wouldn't let it defeat me. It isn't fun, but after a few sleepless nights your body will take over and you WILL sleep. You may have a few sleepless nights while you're getting used to it but it will happen. Hang in there.

swcompassionate, you may be all those things you've said - lonely, frustrated an depressed about CPAP - but you're not alone. I can remember the feeling from almost 4 years back.
It was actually so bad that I called the clinic and told them I won't put the thing on again till I spoke to a doctor. That took 3 weeks. After I spoke to the doctor I got a different RT - one who listened - a different mask, and a differnt setup of the machine. And I had also found this forum.

Let's start with the mask: I haven't done this myself, but people have reported success with sticking Velcro to the straps - the Velcro tangles face you hair and keep the straps more stable.

How are you routing your hose? It helped me tremendously to have it dangling through a hair scruchy, tied to a shoe lace that is tied to a hook in the wall above my head.

If you're concerned about rainout you may want to consider a hose cover or even a heated hose - I need both.

Why didn't the tape work? If you give us details maybe we can help with that.

And last but not least: Is there any way at all you can get a machine with data reporting? Even if its only to the LCD.

Hang in there - and remember, you really are not alone in this.

O.

swcompassionate, most of us have been where you are right now, and WE GOT TO THE OTHER SIDE. It CAN happen. It's just rough getting there.

I would DEFINITELY experiment with all the other sizes of pillows, first thing.

I would also be happy to add you to the list for the Nasal Aire II Test Drive. This is a chance to try a mask without buying it, to find out if it might work for you. You can read more about it in the links below in my signature line.

Just keep at it. Keep changing things. Try everything you hear about. It took me 6 weeks and 8 masks before I could sleep every night, all night, with the mask on. I also had to go on Provigil for about 3 months. I found that a life-saver, as I was so tired, I was nearly homicidal. My doc gave me samples, so I never even had to buy it.

Best of luck to you!!!!
Barbara