unsupportive family

[pfann447]

Guess I am a little cranky. My mother has been giving me a hard time about how stupid CPAP looks. Apparently she gave my father a hard time, laughed at him, and told us all how dumb it looked. I wonder if that's why he couldn't tolerate the treatment? Also, she assumes sleep apnea = obesity, and if I lose weight the whole problem will vanish. She's overweight, too, and doesn't treat any of her various medical problems as the doctor suggests. She just keeps saying she'll lose weight and it will all go away.. but then she doesn't lose weight.

i wish she could be more supportive. This whole thing has been so difficult to accept -- and now I'm trying to adjust to a machine, and she keeps telling me how my father never did, and how hard it is, and suggesting that if I lost weight it would be moot.

I asked her if she thought my paternal grandfather might have had sleep apnea since he died of a heart attack in his sleep in his 50's, and she said, "Oh, no, he wasn't fat at all." ...maddening...

Thankfully my husband has been completely supportive. In fact, he was the one who noticed my apnea and insisted I go for the sleep study and get treatment. He goes around telling everyone that he "saved my life".

[Bookbear]

At the risk of being blunt or rude, don't listen to your mother. Period. Listen to your husband, and share your worries with him. Come here for loads of support, and shoulders to cry on if needed. Remember above all, that your health and continued life is at stake. Quietly but firmly tell your mother that, and ask her to not say disparaging things to you about how cpap looks or how your Dad wasn't able to adjust to it. Explain that you are having a hard time adjusting but that you know you must for your health's sake; and negative comments make it that much harder. Then, if your mom still makes such remarks, either change the subject or get up and leave the room, or hang up if you are on the phone. Do it every time. Be polite, but firm.

I wish you well with this. I know it's difficult when family sabotage your treatment, either knowingly or unknowingly, but you have to remember that your life really IS at stake here.

Good luck and come back often!

[Statsfreak]

I'll be that blunt: @$#% her!

My wife has dealt with that kind of crap from her mom her whole life too. For her it is about self-esteem and body image, but it's still disgusting to have to put up with.

Your treatment is vital for you. Stick with it and make your life better.

[ozij]

Bookbear said it perfectly.


O.

[ww]

Guess I am a little cranky. My mother has been giving me a hard time about how stupid CPAP looks. Apparently she gave my father a hard time, laughed at him, and told us all how dumb it looked. I wonder if that's why he couldn't tolerate the treatment? Also, she assumes sleep apnea = obesity, and if I lose weight the whole problem will vanish. She's overweight, too, and doesn't treat any of her various medical problems as the doctor suggests. She just keeps saying she'll lose weight and it will all go away.. but then she doesn't lose weight.

i wish she could be more supportive. This whole thing has been so difficult to accept -- and now I'm trying to adjust to a machine, and she keeps telling me how my father never did, and how hard it is, and suggesting that if I lost weight it would be moot.

I asked her if she thought my paternal grandfather might have had sleep apnea since he died of a heart attack in his sleep in his 50's, and she said, "Oh, no, he wasn't fat at all." ...maddening...

Thankfully my husband has been completely supportive. In fact, he was the one who noticed my apnea and insisted I go for the sleep study and get treatment. He goes around telling everyone that he "saved my life".

And that is what is wrong with all of the "OLD WIVES TALES". They are proven wrong by science. Losing weight is good for a lot of things, but it won't cure Sleep Apnea!!!!! There are many very skinny people that also suffer from Sleep Apnea. Just ask her if she ever knew anyone who snored? Then tell her that many of those people had Sleep Apnea regardless of their weight. I have a wonderful little daughter in law that is skinny and beautiful and she snores and is going in for a sleep study because she realizes the benefits of the treatment that is now available. I am an Engineer and just would not stand for anyone to be so un-enlightened around me, but not everyone can (or wants to) tell a relative that you love them, but you have to believe what your doctor tells you!

[tdm5032c]

Just to let your mom know, I'm 35 years old, 6'1" tall and weigh in at 180 lbs soaking wet. Not what I consider overweight at all(and never have been), but I was diagnosed with severe sleep apnea. Since I've been on the machine I noticed a HUGE difference in as little as a few weeks time. Sleep anpnea CAUSES obesity as well as a host of other more serious health problems and concerns. Bottom line, tell your mom to either be supportive or shut up. Respectfully, of course, lol.

Tracy

[TheDreamer]

Ya...mom's can be such a pain.

I'm 6'3" and 185lbs....and she thinks I need to lose like 50-60 lbs so I can way the same as her (she's 5'5"). OTOH, I did actually weight that little once...but that was like 20 years ago when I was still living at home.

I'm 40, BTW.

It would also cure my severe OSA if I made my neck smaller...but I remember having trouble buying shirts in highschool because of my neck size.... neck wasn't skinny like the rest of me....

The Dreamer

[greenvelvetdragon]

Bookbear did say it perfectly, however I am going to be way more blunt-tell your mother to bugger off, its your wonderful husband you should look to. My husband was been nothing but supportive and has been my rock in many dark places thru my OSA journey. Unfortunately we cant pick our families, but we can choose who we look to for comfort, respect and reassurance. I am so sorry that your mother appears unable to provide those things for you, fill your life with people who can. I know its hard, believe me I have been in your situation, but I drew the line in the sand with my mother a VERY long time ago and have been more the better for it. It wasnt easy but it got better with time.

all the best to you! and keep your chin up, stay positive and stay with your cpap, your husband, and you with thank you for it.

cheers

GVD

[Billy6]

Well, you gotta admit it is ugly and it does look stupid, and its no fun at all. If she thinks its weight caused in your case, maybe she's trying to goad you to lose weight. The best thing is to ask her about it.

[deerslayer]

welcome pfann477..you have come to the right place. sounds like your mom is living in denial and does not want to be confused with the facts.the only light bulb coming on for her is when she opens the fridge....Kudos to your hubby !

[JimW203]

Guess I am a little cranky. My mother has been giving me a hard time about how stupid CPAP looks. Apparently she gave my father a hard time, laughed at him, and told us all how dumb it looked. I wonder if that's why he couldn't tolerate the treatment?

pfann447,

The next time your mother says anything about "how stupid CPAP looks," ask if a coffin would look better.

JimW203

[Catnapper]

People who use cpap will be more supportive and understanding than anyone else for you in your use of it. Only someone who has experienced the struggle of trying to recover from many nights of apnea can understand the need of breathing assistance and the comfort - mental and physical - that can come from good OSA therapy. Further, only someone who has experienced the difficulty in getting that therapy to work well, namely the right mask, machine and pressure, can encourage you in your own search for the right combination for you to succeed with cpap.

Stick around here and you will get the support you need.

I have some earrings that I should lend you. One says IN and the other says OUT. That is how you should let your mother's words go ... in one ear and out the other. She is not helping. She is hurting you.

Very likely she is secretly concerned that someday she too will have to wear one of those stupid looking things. What goes around comes around.

Welcome to our group. This is where you need to be.

Catnapper - Joanie

[Bigburd]

Guess I am a little cranky. My mother has been giving me a hard time about how stupid CPAP looks. Apparently she gave my father a hard time, laughed at him, and told us all how dumb it looked. I wonder if that's why he couldn't tolerate the treatment?

pfann447,

The next time your mother says anything about "how stupid CPAP looks," ask if a coffin would look better.

JimW203

Seems we are all in agreement.

[Hoover]

It is sad that your mother wasn't supportive of your dad using cpap and now isn't being supportive of you. I'm guessing that this isn't the first or last time that she's been "unsupportive" or mean-spirited in your life. Kindly let her know that this is something that you're doing and that you do not want any negative comments from her and if she continues take a break from her and let her know why.

It is wonderful that your partner is being supportive - it is often hard enough to accept the diagnosis and the hose and all that comes with it because of our own feelings. All I know is that I am grateful that I have been able to sleep and that I am able to tolerate using cpap.

Hang in there and come back here for lots of support and good will.

[SharkBait]

Very likely she is secretly concerned that someday she too will have to wear one of those stupid looking things. What goes around comes around.

Chances are she already needs one and is too vain and/or stupid to get checked.

I'm sure bottom line her point is "lose some weight", mixed in with a little ignorance that OSA is the condition of the obese.

"Yet another non-obese" CPAPer (5'10", 185 lb) with an untreated AHI of 74.