Hubdroid is jealous?

deglorious · Post by **deglorious** » Thu Mar 06, 2008 8:06 am

My hubdroid husband referred to my cpap as "your beloved". Do you think he is jealous? Is it possible for a spouse to react this way to one's medical equipment?

Right now I'm feeling somewhat down about the whole matter because I know he did not want me to get it in the first place--he wanted me to lose the weight--and he says I haven't lost any weight, (and he's right)

It just makes me feel sad because I was very happy to get the cpap and although I dislike the mask, I enjoy how I feel the next day after a good night's rest.

Just had to vent...

Deglorious

DreamStalker · Post by **DreamStalker** » Thu Mar 06, 2008 8:09 am

The treatment will help you re-establish your hormonal balances and get proper rest so that you will have the energy and mental ability to change your lifestyle for weightloss. Give it some time and allow your body to adjust, then take small steps towards lifestyle changes.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Mar 06, 2008 8:28 am

Don't let your hubby get you down about doing something to help yourself!!!!!
I've been on cpap for just over a year now and my DH seems to be mentioning my cpap less frequently now.
The phrase "That thing is ruining our marriage" used to come up quite frequently, now, less so. You should have seen his face the first time he heard me tell someone about it and mention that I'd most likely have it for the rest of my life.
I have the feeling that he was/is definately jealous that I was paying attention to "ME", that someone else was paying attention to me.
I don't pay much attention to my dh when he talks about my weight, 'cause the minute I go on a diet he starts cooking - desserts!!!!!!
Anyway. Absorb as little as you can while he adjusts (he will - if he wants to) and put yourself a little higher up on the list of priorities!
BTW Weight Watchers works! I'm down 20 lbs (granted that is since the end of October - but I think that's pretty good SO FAR!)
joanna

ColinP · Post by **ColinP** » Thu Mar 06, 2008 8:39 am

I don't have a husband, but my wife prefers that I don't put the mask on as soon as I climb into bed - instead I relax without it for a bit and then, when my first snore wakes me up, I pull it on. (Actually, I usually just pull it on after a few minutes as I start to unwind and relax.)

He might not be jealous of the CPAP, just frustrated that it's not exactly the cuddliest thing to snuggle up to in bed. And without it the chances of loosing the weight are almost zero, so maybe as things settle, you'll be able to do that too.

Colin

sleepie · Post by **sleepie** » Thu Mar 06, 2008 8:51 am

you will lose it this summer as your energy picks up---good luck and keep the leaks down---pat

deglorious · Post by **deglorious** » Thu Mar 06, 2008 9:28 am

Thanks, Colin, I appreciate the man's viewpoint here...

Deglorious

Wulfman · Post by **Wulfman** » Thu Mar 06, 2008 9:35 am

I have a 3-word sentence for ANY spouse with that attitude....."GET OVER IT!!!"

It's YOUR health that's at stake. If he doesn't care about that.......

I've seen these types of posts too many times on the forum and it makes me mad. I've also gotten some comments about "being on life support", but then......it's MY LIFE......and I'm trying to make it last as long as I can.

Den

Nodzy · Post by **Nodzy** » Thu Mar 06, 2008 9:45 am

Deglorious,

Many can understand it from his view in part or whole -- and many others probably can't. Most who are mated don't want to see forced change on or in their partner. They don't want to know that the other has to be tethered to a machine and wear a mask, and have the machine running all night pushing air to them. For some that can be hurtful to the image of the love. But many others adjust and accept such things with little flutter about them.

Has he truly faced this in entirety by imagining himself in your spot, and you in his? For some that works to bring or return some balance.. and for others it makes no difference.

Losing weight probably would not negate the need for PAP therapy anyway. but it could make it easier for you get great therapy at lower pressures etc. And maybe even lessen or resolve other health and energy issues.

I feel for you, and hope you two can balance it all in a manner that brings you closer together, in support and understanding.

While not ideal or healthy, so they claim, I'd rather remain alone than to ever again have someone stab me with their ego repeatedly. And certainly not when what I need most is support, encouragement and reinforcement of the love.

I admire any who share in a really great union, regardless of what title they call that togetherness.

Nodzy

HelpMeBreath · Post by **HelpMeBreath** » Thu Mar 06, 2008 11:57 am

You know what else ruins marriages?

Heart Attacks..

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Mar 06, 2008 12:31 pm

Good one HMB!!!

Hey, I'm the first to tell everyone to be comfortable with their cpap and tell their loved ones to get over it. What Den said!

But...... the honest fact is, I've slept alone every night since getting my cpap, except for one vacation when I shared a hotel room with my folks. And my dad's deaf, and Mom said it was way preferable to my snoring.

I'm going to a conference next month with a cyber-pal who has never slept with a cpap machine in the room before. She has some understandable reservations. After a couple week of what I suspect are actually menopause symptoms waking me up, making me toss and turn, and shoving covers back and forth, I'm deciding that adding the cpap to that mix is just too much to ask of her.

I'm definitely going to get my own bed (we were talking about 4 gals in one double-queen room to save money), and possibly my own room. What's really bugging me right now is the thought of someone bothered by the air vents. Not the noise, the blowing air.

Anyway, thanks for letting ME vent, too.

Cheers,
Babs

neverbetter · Post by **neverbetter** » Thu Mar 06, 2008 3:28 pm

You can loose all the weight you want, you'll still benefit from CPAP
I have never heard of anyone "cured" by weight loss.
Lower pressure needs, maybe, but never cured of sleep apnea by just weight loss.
My wife and I are both on the hose and we still have a normal active love life (for our age , anyway, we're not teenagers)

catbirdgirl · Post by **catbirdgirl** » Thu Mar 06, 2008 4:26 pm

oh, this is so annoying.

when I got diagnosed with apnea, I was a newlywed.

my mom commiserated oh, it will cut down on your spontaneity. (meaning sex). and he might think you are less attractive. MY MOM HAS HAD A CPAP for over 20 years and she was spouting this horse puckey. I said, mom, butt out, he doesn't care. why are you projecting?

PLEASE. My hubby was never worried about the machine. He was worried about my fatigue and my snoring.

and he could care less what I have on my face.

if they care, they should get over it.

Nodzy · Post by **Nodzy** » Thu Mar 06, 2008 5:50 pm

catbirdgirl wrote:PLEASE. My hubby was never worried about the machine. He was worried about my fatigue and my snoring.

and he could care less what I have on my face.

if they care, they should get over it.

CBG,
Congrat's on having a truly great mate. While some, like you, are fortunate, many aren't gifted with such undertanding, encouragement and support from their mates.... sadly. And you are right..."get over it".

In the past I've had several potential mates back away before the first real date when I mentioned my PAP need. I saw no point to wasting time. If it was going to be a relationship hindrance... let them be gone quickly before my time and energy were wasted, and before any serious attachment or entanglement developed.

But I do prefer to portray it as... they feared my long hose. <while shuffling a foot>

Nodzy

deglorious · Post by **deglorious** » Thu Mar 06, 2008 8:50 pm

Well, I know he's not perfect. Even though he still gives me beef about my cpap at least he paid for it! Now that's love...lol.

Deglorious

alnhwrd · Post by **alnhwrd** » Fri Mar 07, 2008 12:48 am

My wife has been so completely supportive. Listening to me snore, then stop breathing, would make her wonder if I had or was about to kick the bucket. The noise kept her awake and my not breathing caused her great anxiety. She cannot believe how much quieter I am now when I sleep, and for the first week she was still worried because I was so quiet compared to the noise I made before. She checks to make sure I have distailled water and other supplies, and got me a small tray to put cpap supplies in. And she doesn't even mind the time I have spent glued to the computer reading about CPAP and OSA.

Humidifier

Mask	Humidifier