The Great Vaseline™ Conspiracy of '06

[Ric]

Enjoy it. Life is good. The Vaseline threads are still funny as all get out. We could even call it the great Vaseline conspiracy of '06.

Bill,

EXCELLENT suggestion. It occurred to me, if this thread MUST continue (it probably will), it should be under a less misleading title. I was torn between "CONSPIRACY" and "HOAX". I think I can still change it (?)

(and plus it's an excuse to do a POLL, wooooooohooooo!)

[StillAnotherGuest]

Well, if you can still change it, then add a category that says "I was made aware of some considerations that may be important" rather than rigging the questions so they will fit your agenda.
SAG

[Bellcrest]

Waste of time..........been using vaseline for many things for years and years.

People are smart enough to read and make up their own minds on what to use and what not to use without all this doom and gloom stuff.

[roster]

I cast a "No Vote" because I agree with SAG: "I was made aware of some considerations that may be important."

Even before my osa diagnosis and start of cpap, I have a few times per year stuffed my crusty nostrils with petroleum jelly because it felt so darn good. I am reasonably sure it did me no harm, but I won't do it again.

[3isles]

given those choices I like "conspiracy". I mean the rhythm is right. But I think The Great Vaseline Controversy would be more accurate.

(from Roget II)
controversy

NOUN: A discussion, often heated, in which a difference of opinion is expressed: altercation, argument, bicker, clash, contention, debate, difficulty, disagreement, dispute, fight, polemic, quarrel, run-in, spat, squabble, tiff, word (used in plural), wrangle. Informal : hassle, rhubarb, tangle. See CONFLICT.

on the other hand if you look through the various "V" threads, in among the actual information sprinkled about, there have been guests posing as registered posters, (obviously spies). And occasionally I could have sworn that the same guest was posting on both sides of the issue (double agents) And who really knows that an occasional registered poster wasn't posting disguised as a guest. Definitely conspiracy!

Reminds me of the dreadful "bread" scandal of a few years back.


http://freedomkeys.com/bread.htm

[Petroleum Sheik]

I am a petroleum jelly sheik who has been following the "Vaseline Wars" on this message board with great interest. Fot my family's petroleum fields have been exclusive suppliers to the petroleum jelly industry for more than two generations.

My message is a call for peace. My message is also a call for a return to the old ways. Do not heed the advice of the petroleum jelly infidels who hide among us. For they would have you the sex ointment on the very noses that you hook up to your hoses! I and my entire extyended family can tell you that is not a good thing! No. This is a call for a return to the old and sane ways of petroleum jelly.

Lest you doubt my family's technical prowess in bringing you the very finest petroleum jellies to rub on your noses at night... We are the ones who converted this:



To this:




THE GREAT PETROLEUM JELLY SHEIK HAS SPOKEN!



Pictured above: Vaseline production unit number 57

[Guest]

Jealous spies from another site trying to disrupt this one???

[3isles]

Jealous spies from another site trying to disrupt this one???

oh no, nothing so sinister, just ordinary bored garden variety spies that like to keep things stirred up.



Oh Sheik (live forever) thats brilliant.

[Iowa Farmer]

Sheik -- Americans like myself are sick and tired of you profiteering from CPAP users' "addiction to vaseline." You take advantage of our dependency, control the price through your cartel-like behavior, and then use the profits to support corrupt regimes in the region. And yes, we know about the vaseline industry's secret meetings with Cheney.

My fellow Americans and CPAP users, there is an alternative! STOP buying vaseline and switch to alternative lubricants like Ayr gel or KY Jelly!

If you do use vaseline, start conversing by only using vaseline every OTHER day.

Or consider, "CPAPooling" by sharing your CPAP with one or more people.

In Iowa, we have been lobbying hard to get the government to require U.S. importers and refiners of petroleum jelly to add ethanol to vaseline. This is not only good for the environment, it will help reduce our dependency on foreign jelly. And it will increase the cost of a jar of vaseline by only $23.

So be a patriot, and STOP using vaseline on your CPAP!!!

[neversleeps]

I am a petroleum jelly sheik who has been following the "Vaseline Wars" on this message board with great interest. Fot my family's petroleum fields have been exclusive suppliers to the petroleum jelly industry for more than two generations.

My message is a call for peace. My message is also a call for a return to the old ways. Do not heed the advice of the petroleum jelly infidels who hide among us. For they would have you the sex ointment on the very noses that you hook up to your hoses! I and my entire extyended family can tell you that is not a good thing! No. This is a call for a return to the old and sane ways of petroleum jelly.

Lest you doubt my family's technical prowess in bringing you the very finest petroleum jellies to rub on your noses at night... We are the ones who converted this:



To this:




THE GREAT PETROLEUM JELLY SHEIK HAS SPOKEN!



Pictured above: Vaseline production unit number 57

ROTFL!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks for the laughs, Petroleum Sheik/Iowa Farmer! You made my day!

[Charles Krauthammar]

I think it's important to add some reason and rationality to this debate. The recent increases in the price of vaseline have NOTHING to do with a cartel or a shadowy conspiracy led out of the Vice President's office. It is simple supply and demand.

In addition to political instability/volatility in petroleum jelly supplying countries like Iran, Iraq, and Venezuela limiting supplies, we have increasing demand for vaseline from CPAP users in China and India.

And Americans must share in the blame. Instead of using smaller, more efficient CPAPs like the ResMed S-8, Americans insist on using vaseline-guzzling behemoths like the RemStar Auto.

And Congressional Democrats refuse to let us drill for vaseline in the Arctic National Wildlife Refugee out of concerns that the Caribou might inhale the vaseline and get lipoid pneumonia.

[rested gal]

If laughter really is the best medicine (a conspiracy by the Union of Stand Up Comedians??) then the antidote to vaseline poisoning is to read this thread! ROTFL!!!

[Bill O'Rielly]

Krauthammar, you and your Neocon buddies are dead WRONG again on the issue of vaseline, just like you were wrong on Iraq!

CPAP users are getting ripped off by the Vaseline industry!

You can't tell me the price of vaseline is driven just by supply and demand. There's MORE vaseline in the world today than at ANY point in history. And what about the windfall profits of vaseline manufacturers like Unilever?? A $500 million bonus to their CEO? Come on, Krauthammer!

I'll tell you what we need to do: Build a wall on the border with Mexico and keep illegal shipments of vaseline out of the USA. Impose a windfall profit tax on Unilever, Jergens, and the rest of these corrupt, price-gouging vaseline manufacturers. And Congress should investigate these corporate crooks for collusion and price fixing.

And that's tonight's Talking Points Memo...

[Frances Fukuyama]

I was once part of the Neocon "cabal" of Krauthammar et al that argued in favor of vaseline. No more. The time has come to admit the facts, own up to our mistakes, and change course.

What I find most disturbing is my good friend Charles' convenient ignoring of the facts.

Take his dismissive attitude towards the connection between arctic vaseline drilling and the rise in lipoid pneumonia in caribou. I've linked a few studies that prove beyond a shadow of doubt that this phenomenon is increasing along with the melting polar ice caps:

MIT Study on the Impact of Vaseline on Indigenous Caribou Populations (Cambridge, 2003):
http://www.sho.com/site/ptbs/home.do

EU Environment Committee's Final Report on Lipid Pneumonia Causes and Effects on Northern European Elks (Geneva, 1996):
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/069112 ... oding=UTF8

Consequences on Childbirth of Increasing Moose Inhalation of Petroleum-based Products (University of Alaska, 2001): http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bullshit

[Keith Olbermann]

And todays 3 "Worst Persons in the World" are:

In the Bronze category: Charles Krauthammer for being part of the Right-wing conspiracy.

In the Silver category: Frances Fukuyama for being part of the Left-wing conspiracy. (and giving us links to NOTHING but BS)

And, the WINNER IS: Bill O for his "Talking Points" and the fact that he never lets his GUESTS say a word about anything because he just likes to hear himself talk and interupts everybody.


Keep your knees loose......