CPAP Has Made Me A Changed Man (Humor)
Posted: Thu May 31, 2007 11:20 am
Okay, when I started out on this journey I was really concerned how much freedom I would have to give away. I mean, who could look forward to be strapped to machine every night. Those first few weeks of suffering through alien nasal probes and symphonic leaks didn’t make the future prospects look any brighter. But persevere I did and now I am reaping the rewards of subjugation to the “All-nighty Puffer”.
I now revel in the fact that I can actually watch TV programs without going comatose halfway through. Who knew programs actually had an end to go with the beginning and middle? Not only did this expand my entertainment horizons but I discovered the wonderful world of snack food. TV naps have been replaced with TV smorgasbords.
Therapy has given me the added energy to be able to move my refrigerator and microwave into the living room. Sure I put on a bit of tonnage, but now I have enough energy to sumo wrestle the remote away from anyone. I do miss the cat sleeping next to me, but it was his own fault for getting between me and my nachos.
Life at work has greatly improved as well. Now when I fall asleep during those after noon meetings it is because I just finished my two hour lunch at the local Sizzler. If anyone questions me, I just tell them I had an awful night with my CPAP. When I catch that glazed look in their eyes as I talk about straps slipping and high AHI, I know I am home free. I think it was real considerate of them to reinforce the floor in my office after that nasty chair incident.
Even the commute is better now that I can see all the fast food restaurants I missed dozing on my way home. I’m even perky enough to wave at the gym as I drive by.
Things have even gotten more exciting in bed. When I first started on the hose I think my wife missed waking up in the middle of the night to count how many times I stopped breathing. Now she gets to wake up with that adrenalin rush of worrying about me rolling over and crushing her to death.
Yes I can only thank CPAP for turning my average 3.5 member family into a full 4.0. Without it I wouldn’t be the men I am today.
(Now I wonder if I can do for the Overeaters Anonymous Board what I have done for this one?)
I now revel in the fact that I can actually watch TV programs without going comatose halfway through. Who knew programs actually had an end to go with the beginning and middle? Not only did this expand my entertainment horizons but I discovered the wonderful world of snack food. TV naps have been replaced with TV smorgasbords.
Therapy has given me the added energy to be able to move my refrigerator and microwave into the living room. Sure I put on a bit of tonnage, but now I have enough energy to sumo wrestle the remote away from anyone. I do miss the cat sleeping next to me, but it was his own fault for getting between me and my nachos.
Life at work has greatly improved as well. Now when I fall asleep during those after noon meetings it is because I just finished my two hour lunch at the local Sizzler. If anyone questions me, I just tell them I had an awful night with my CPAP. When I catch that glazed look in their eyes as I talk about straps slipping and high AHI, I know I am home free. I think it was real considerate of them to reinforce the floor in my office after that nasty chair incident.
Even the commute is better now that I can see all the fast food restaurants I missed dozing on my way home. I’m even perky enough to wave at the gym as I drive by.
Things have even gotten more exciting in bed. When I first started on the hose I think my wife missed waking up in the middle of the night to count how many times I stopped breathing. Now she gets to wake up with that adrenalin rush of worrying about me rolling over and crushing her to death.
Yes I can only thank CPAP for turning my average 3.5 member family into a full 4.0. Without it I wouldn’t be the men I am today.
(Now I wonder if I can do for the Overeaters Anonymous Board what I have done for this one?)