Heightened emotions/irritability/unreliable

andrewbrosnan · Post by **andrewbrosnan** » Sun Feb 06, 2005 10:08 pm

Hi. Am new to the sight and was wondering if anyone, pre-CPAP and while trying to still master CPAP, had trouble with intense irritability. Before apnea, I was such a nice person, who laughed a lot. Now, I have to work at being nice, find myself snapping at people and my partner, cannot concentrate, do not trust my reactions, etc. Any coping strategies? How did folks maintain their faith that they would sleep well again and return to their normal state?

Losing the faith,

Andrew

Clownshow · Post by **Clownshow** » Sun Feb 06, 2005 11:12 pm

Your symptoms are part of the monkey that lives on all sufferers backs.

Just hang in there, it's an uphill battle, This site is here for you and you can lean on us

Liam1965 · Post by **Liam1965** » Sun Feb 06, 2005 11:34 pm

ABSO-F-ING-LUTELY!

(Not to be subtle or anything).

I was just getting set to start a new thread, and write a long diatribe on this topic.

Tonight is YET ANOTHER night where, after about 2 hours with the s*** on my face, I'm so frustrated I literally rip the stuff roughly off of my face and throw it against the wall, and figuratively start screaming, crying, and punching the walls.

No, it's not QUITE that bad, but I AM up out of bed (after snapping at my wonderful wife not to touch me because I was so pissed off) typing my missives to a batch of hoseheads I've never met at almost 1am instead of (as a less frustrated person would be doing) lying in bed after GENTLY taking off Dr. Mengele's gear, dosing off into a more restful (if more apnic) good night.

I can't believe the extent to which a few hours of trying to get used to the damn thing makes me so furious I just want to hit something. Seriously.

Liam, so serious, there's nothing funny to say here.

gailzee · Post by **gailzee** » Mon Feb 07, 2005 10:53 am

Liam, take a deep breath and tell that beastly machine that YOU ARE BETTER THAN IT, YOU WILL MASTER IS, and IF NOT, YOU CAN VENT ON HERE at 3 AM.

I hear you, same situation happens to me, a few hrs in and boom, wake up. Last night was the first night I actually do not remember yanking that sucker off, not even for a minute. So I must've been fairly deep asleep I THINK. I know the difference now, however, as I notice in even one wk, my mouth is not as dry due to the humidification and this morning was like the SAHARA. So I'm pretty sure, the BEAST was off for several hrs.

Do I get cranky or irritable OH GOD YES. Remember your system took yrs and yrs of abuse to get this sleep deprived. I just don't want to take yrs to feel ''better''.

Who the he-- are these people who slap it on, sleep with no trouble with horrible mask problems, and get up tap dancing.........................not one of 'em yet.

I keep hoping.............
Liam, hang in there, ok?

Rested we have to help Liam.

Liam1965 wrote:ABSO-F-ING-LUTELY!

(Not to be subtle or anything).

I was just getting set to start a new thread, and write a long diatribe on this topic.

Tonight is YET ANOTHER night where, after about 2 hours with the s*** on my face, I'm so frustrated I literally rip the stuff roughly off of my face and throw it against the wall, and figuratively start screaming, crying, and punching the walls.

No, it's not QUITE that bad, but I AM up out of bed (after snapping at my wonderful wife not to touch me because I was so pissed off) typing my missives to a batch of hoseheads I've never met at almost 1am instead of (as a less frustrated person would be doing) lying in bed after GENTLY taking off Dr. Mengele's gear, dosing off into a more restful (if more apnic) good night.

I can't believe the extent to which a few hours of trying to get used to the damn thing makes me so furious I just want to hit something. Seriously.

Liam, so serious, there's nothing funny to say here.

Pohtaytoh · Post by **Pohtaytoh** » Mon Feb 07, 2005 11:06 am

It takes a little time and patience to get used to sleeping with all that "extra stuff".

I've been doing this for a couple of years now. It took about four-five months and numerous mask fittings to a. get used to all of the extras; and b. find the right mask to make it all work.

I would start off getting one - two hours a night with the machine. Now, I look forward to going to bed again!

Hang in there, keep working at it, and don't be afraid to try different masks.

Popinka · Post by **Popinka** » Mon Feb 07, 2005 11:19 am

Absolutely. This is something as I still struggle with, as an new user.
I have an incredibly sweet and supportive husband who I often snap at with little provocation (I get to this point where EVERYTHING ANNOYS ME). This is not the person who I want to be, or feel that I truly am inside. I hope that it resolves itself as I have more stamina and joy in life.

Liam1965 · Post by **Liam1965** » Mon Feb 07, 2005 11:38 am

Popinka wrote:I have an incredibly sweet and supportive husband who I often snap at with little provocation (I get to this point where EVERYTHING ANNOYS ME). This is not the person who I want to be, or feel that I truly am inside. I hope that it resolves itself as I have more stamina and joy in life.

This is EXACTLY what I'm trying to say, except I don't have the husband. My wife is pretty amazing, though.

But yeah, I don't know what it is about the mask, I think perhaps there's something physiological about being held JUST at the point of falling asleep, without every *QUITE* tipping over that's just so damn frustrating.

Just to finish up the story of the night, it took me about an hour of cpaptalk and a few on-line crossword puzzles and other games before I was calm enough to try sleeping again. I went upstairs, took the Activa off of the hose and stuck the Ultra Mirage back on there. Miracle of Miracles, it actually wasn't leaking very badly at all, was fairly comfortable, and I actually slept (yes, actually got some sleep) with the thing on for the next 4.5 hours or so. It wasn't high quality sleep, but I think that's the first time I've actually had any appreciable sleep with the CPAP on.

Around 6:30 or so, I woke up and decided to take the mask off for the last hour or so, which I did, but because my wife had to get up early this morning, was unable to get back to sleep (people moving about in the morning generally disturbs my sleep).

So when you get these really frustrated sounding postings from me, look at the time. If it's sometime between midnight and, say, 3am, it probably means I've been teetering on the brink of sleep without every quite falling in, and have been driven to the brink of ranging frustration.

I got on to find a place to post my experiences, and lo-and-behold, there was someone talking about just about exactly what I was going through... so I loaded up both barrels and everything just came spewing forth.

Liam, probably one of the nicest irritable a**holes you'll ever meet.

wading thru the muck! · Post by **wading thru the muck!** » Mon Feb 07, 2005 12:50 pm

So this sounds like one of those chicken/egg kind of things. Which came first the frustration with the cpap or the propensity to become frustrated. If you can answer to that question you will know how to work on fixing it. If you can't answer that question you may be trying to fix things that aren't broken.

happeegirlee · Post by **happeegirlee** » Mon Feb 07, 2005 8:35 pm

andrewbrosnan, this is the first time i've been to a cpap chatroom, first time i'm reaching out for help from other sufferers, and i find myself crying while reading these posts.
you describe exactly how i've been feeling for the past 2 years. there's a certain relief (however ironic) that this is a common response. i guess i'm not so crazy or abnormal after all. others feel this way too! i hope for all our sakes though, that there's a happy end in sight. i'm irratible and i always wake up with a headache. it's so hard day after day just trying to be nice! how do you cope with life if you can't even cope with yourself? and i was such an optimistic happy person before. i don't feel like myself, and worse - i do snap at my husband and he eats it constantly. he's so supportive but that doesn't make my actions any more acceptible.
i'm sorry this isn't the most optimistic reply, but i see from other replies that there IS support out there for us. i'm glad i found this place. thanks all.

Janelle · Post by **Janelle** » Mon Feb 07, 2005 9:02 pm

Liam, YOU DID IT!!! You actually sleep with the "alien" on your face!!!!!!!

But you know what this means now, don't you? No going back, no excuses. You just proved you can do it. Maybe the Full Face is your salvation, maybe playing crosswords and browsing and writing on the forum is you salvation. Maybe Googling is your salvation or visiting weird website in the Oh Dark-Thirty hours of the night. Maybe the Force was with you. Maybe, maybe, ooh, ooh, maybe your wife hit you over the head with a two-by-four, to get you to quit mumbling in the mask so she could get some sleep.

Liam1965 · Post by **Liam1965** » Mon Feb 07, 2005 9:40 pm

Janelle wrote:Liam, YOU DID IT!!! You actually sleep with the "alien" on your face!!!!!!!

Yeah, I did, but... I'm not going to celebrate just yet. Based on how I felt today, the sleep I did get wasn't particularly restful. And I was so tired, I went to sleep early tonight, but was unable (in about an hour and a half) to get to sleep at all.

So yes, I've proven I can do it. But I've yet to prove that it's at all restful, and isn't the point supposed to be in the long term, it's MORE restful sleep than I was previously getting?

Oh, and after trying this evening, I arose (I won't say awoke, because I never quite got to sleep) with a SPLITTING headache.

But I suppose I'm being negative again. You're right, having gotten to sleep with a faceload of plastic was quite an accomplishment. And it only took me a bit over 2 weeks to get there.

Liam. This isn't the first time he's been called "Alien Face". Ah, childhood trauma.

snamvar · Post by **snamvar** » Mon Feb 07, 2005 10:04 pm

I gave up on using CPAP 6 months ago. How could I get used to this thing along with my insomnia
It somehow made such a difference the next time I saw her, when she told me in a very kind way that this is a condition I must treat. It's going to cause a lot of other complications if I don't. Then, I started searching the web for some kind of support and I found this site. It has been a god sent. It feels so supporting and helpful to know there are others out there with similar problems, frustrations and issues and also get advise from the pros who conquered this nicely and are here to help.
For me, it was so frustrating to start on CPAP. My stuffy nose, insomnia, leeaky mask, air blowing into my nostrils, etc.
I switched to Remstart with C-flex and that took care of the air exhaling pressure. I then got some fluonase from my doctor with the stuffy nose. It took care of that problem. Ordered couple of masks and found Breeze to be reallly nice. I am an engineer It took some visulaization and a lot of tweaking to make this work.
Best wishes to you all

SleepyGuy · Post by **SleepyGuy** » Mon Feb 07, 2005 10:18 pm

The first week I tried sleeping with the mask, I simply gave up after an hour each night. Then one night I woke up to realize I had been sleeping with the mask for an hour! Little by little I was able to sleep longer with it until I got to about three hours.

Unfortunately, I can't go beyond three hours. At that point my nasal congestion gets so bad I can't breathe through my nose, but this is a problem that can be fixed. This week I'm scheduled for a somnoplasty on my nose to help open it up. According to my doc, I have very small nasal passages and a deviated septum.

I feel very confident that once the nasal problems are addressed, I'll be able to sleep through the night.

In the meantime, I'm trying the same process with the full face mask. I still have trouble sleeping with it at all. My goal is to keep using it for an hour each night until I fall asleep and then increase the sleeping time slowly.

My advice is don't put pressure on yourself. If you don't fall asleep in an hour, take it off. When you do fall asleep, just try to increase your time each night. Pretty soon you will be sleeping the entire night.

Personally I like the Mirage Vista mask. It's tough to get it adjusted so it won't leak, but it's smaller and more comfortable.

SleepyGuy · Post by **SleepyGuy** » Mon Feb 07, 2005 10:21 pm

Liam1965 wrote:So yes, I've proven I can do it. But I've yet to prove that it's at all restful, and isn't the point supposed to be in the long term, it's MORE restful sleep than I was previously getting?

Oh, and after trying this evening, I arose (I won't say awoke, because I never quite got to sleep) with a SPLITTING headache.

The first few times I used my machine I didn't have a headache, but I felt dizzy and tired. After a while that went away. I found that Midrin (a migraine medication) helped sometimes. But in the end, it was a matter of getting used to it.

By the way, your lungs will get stronger and you won't feel the pressure as much.

andrewbrosnan · Post by **andrewbrosnan** » Mon Feb 07, 2005 11:57 pm

It really helps to hear timelines (several months), gradualism (sleep for as long as you can with the mask), coping strategies (crossword puzzles), and company (not being the only one). I really appreciate the time you all took to post.

I greet my Oracle (mouth mask) tonight with swimming speedo nose plugs (a cpaptalk.com forum suggestion to try) and a fresh attitude.

I will continue to tinker, explore other masks if I find this one incompatable, and check this forum.

(My throat may be closed, but my mind is open.)

Andrew

Heightened emotions/irritability/unreliable

Heightened emotions/irritability/unreliable

We need to calm LIAM Down

thanks everyone

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