Taking care of a man after surgery

[avi123]

Before he was discharged from the hospital he received detailed instructions how to recover at home. The office of the surgeon who did the surgery should have arranged for visits by the "hospital home care". This help could deal directly with the after- surgery issues.

Why was he not directed to a rehab before going home?

Is there a cancer center near you where oncologists could check him for metastases?

[JDS74]

Stormy,
A support group is just a group of cancer patients who get together to chat. They are pretty flexible in attendance. It is not counseling although that would help also.

If its not too much trouble for you, you might kind of keep track of when he gets really tired and, just before that time of day, suggest a short nap. It wouldn't hurt if you napped as well.

[Julie]

Avil - Does your nastiness (and ignorance) know no bounds?

[palerider]

Does your nastiness (and ignorance) know no bounds?

whose?

[archangle]

If you have a problem with getting 'help', I don't think this is the place to tell someone about it and discourage them from trying to find it... read the note by JDS74, it was excellent and professional help should be what's encouraged, if not ultimately accepted. I really felt the poster had a problem understanding what was going on with her husband and needed some informed support... the note sounded like it was all about her, and she'd made her husband, the patient, her problem. Bad advice (and surprising coming from you Aa).

I think you misread my post. I'm warning that pushing the wrong way, especially about "psychological" help is a really risky thing to do.

Even if the person really does need psychological help, pushing them on it in the wrong way can backfire very badly. Going "behind their back" and talking to the doctor can really trigger intense resentment and anger from the spouse.

I'm not saying not to do it. Just be careful about it and be sure you don't make things worse.

[avi123]

Even if the person really does need psychological help, pushing them on it in the wrong way can backfire very badly. Going "behind their back" and talking to the doctor can really trigger intense resentment and anger from the spouse.

I'm not saying not to do it. Just be careful about it and be sure you don't make things worse.

archangle, I agree with you. I have known several men who had prostate cancers but did not tell anyone about it until it was too late. In the present case the man does go for treatments and probably knows a lot about his situation. Posters are referring to a Docter, but cancer patients, usually, have several physicians in different disciplines. It's not simple to talk to an oncologist about a patient's spousal relationship. Sending the man to see a shrink could sure backfire. These days shrinks prescribe medications rather than do psychoanalysis. So who is going to remind the man to take his medication, is it stormy?

[mgaggie]

All I can suggest different is don't buy junk food. If he wants to eat that crap, he has to go and buy it himself. I am a junk food addict and I used to binge on crap when it was in the house. I was also too lazy to go and buy some so I would find something healthier to eat or not eat at all.

[chunkyfrog]

In the cancer support group, the emphasis is not always on what you "should" eat,
but on what you actually will eat.
Anything not eaten is wasted.
Food should never feel like punishment.
Look for nutritious foods that are appealing--avoid the ones that are not.

[DeadlySleep]

He is hyper and will not take it easy. He is a very picky eater and only wants to eat junk foods. Now he is too helpless to get a pill out of a bottle by himself and a glass of water. He comes in the house and goes to bed so I can bring him his dinner after spending all day sitting in the yard doing things he shouldn't be doing.

My copy of your post seems to be missing the things he is doing wrong.

[chunkyfrog]

I was kind of thinking caregiver burnout.
Stormynights:
{{{HUG}}}