Recovery and Sleep Apnea

It has been a little over a year since I was diagnosed with sleep apnea – of which I’ve been using the APAP consistently for nine months. It took five months and several starts and stops (relapses) before I committed to therapy – no matter what. While I’m not one of those folks who has had magic happen, after a number of misadventures I’m getting 6-7 hours of sleep and AHI’s between 2 and 5 most nights – with only the occasional bad night and morning . My brain function and energy levels are slowly returning. Still working on fine tuning pressure, equipment and pillows so I wake up feeling refreshed. I expect that will take more time – but for now not being a complete zombie is a blessing.

It has been a struggle sorting out equipment and adjusting to life with sleep apnea. I’m not sure I would have made it as far as I have in treating my apnea without having been able to apply what I have learned in recovery. It was as hard in its own way as getting sober. Some ideas and practices that have sustained me are:

Being in recovery: I have a deep understanding that SA and alcoholism are both chronic conditions that wreak havoc on those around you, and if untreated can make your life miserable and eventually may kill you. As with my alcoholism, as much I might wish otherwise, while there is treatment for sleep apnea (PAP therapy and sleep hygiene) there isn’t likely a surefire cure (losing weight, surgery, oral appliances, medications) at least for me. And there are folks who manage to not drink without AA – its not for everyone.

One “night” at a time: In AA we talk about sobriety in terms of one day at a time. With SA it wasn’t that much different. The idea of being on PAP therapy for the rest of my life was pretty overwhelming when I was first diagnosed. It was so much easier to deal with PAP therapy “just for tonight.” And for some of the difficult early stretches when I was first starting sometime it was one hour at a time.
A way of living: There is a lot more to sobriety than not drinking. Similarly there is more to recovery from sleep apnea than logging hours on your CPAP. Sleeping well requires paying attention to sleep hygiene including diet, exercise, stress management and responsible use of medications. Addressing SA requires work and healing on the physical, mental and spiritual dimensions.

Finding Bottom and Surrendering: Things have to get bad enough to take action. That point is different for everyone – I totaled a vehicle after falling asleep at the wheel (something I never did while drinking and driving) after being diagnosed but not being willing to use APAP. I found it very difficult to turn my breathing over to the APAP at first. The idea of surrendering my will for anything (that includes seeking and accepting help and taking direction) is not natural for me. It is realizing my ideas, thinking and even my breathing doesn’t work without help. It never really did but I often treasure the illusion that I am in control. Surrender doesn’t mean giving up – surrender often involves doing more and often more difficult things that will help me live, love and thrive in the long term (wearing the mask, eating healthy, getting exercise and staying sober) .


Spiritual practice: Prayer and meditation are a big part of my work. Early on when I was waking up multiple times at night I found that using a structured meditation practice (in my case a variation progressive muscle relaxation) to enter in after I got up (often more than a little frustrated and angry) helped settle me so I could mask back up. It took a number of weeks of practice for it to begin to work --- now when I do get up in the middle of the night (occasionally) it is what I do first and I almost always fall asleep before I finish it.
As has been suggested by other here, I regularly include my CPAP in my gratitude list and thank you prayers. If I think of CPAP as a burden – it will be one.

Relapsing and resistance: While some of us take to therapy easily – it took a number of tries (and relapses) over five months until I finally stuck with it. This experience helps me have patience with new(er) folks especially the folks that are resisting. And to wait to folks are ready. It helps much more to share my experience (including my resistance) and encourage folks to stay at it. Resistance is a natural and understandable response and one I needed to move through.

Staying Connected to support: A a key part of my sobriety is being “one alcoholic talking to another”. When I started my sleep apnea recovery journey– I looked for support groups in my community and there were none. This forum is my meeting. I usually check in most days to hear what is and isn’t working and sometimes what is not. Folks here “get it” in a way that my spouse or my doctor who don’t have this condition never really can. There is practical advice here on what do in specific situations that many doctors, technicians and RTs just don’t know – because they haven’t lived it.

Restraint: I don’t post a whole lot – partly because at 9 months I still consider myself “new”. I’ve also been taught to “take what I need, and leave the rest.” I don’t need to engage posts or even responses to my posts, that don’t seem to fit my situation, or with rude behaviors or slights intentional or not. I do need to engage (and probably should do more than I do – if my experience is relevant). And I am grateful for the experts and mainstays on this board --- we all know who they are, who provide lots of information.

Don’t quit before the miracle: For many of us it takes time – and progress is slow – don’t quit before the miracle.
I could go on – there are lots more parallels … but this post has already gone on long enough – but I would be interested in other’s experiences in applying the principles of recovery to living this new way of LIFE.

Well put and congratulations on both...your recovery and for sticking with both.
One day at a time...one step at a time. Sometimes we are so tired that it seems impossible that we can take one more step but we can. Something my husband who is an Army Ranger told me a while back...one step at a time....just one more step then another and then another.

Excellent post
It shows clearly what I was saying in another thread about having "Xpap Experts" It is so much more then just the technical details of how a mask fits.

And congratulations on both issues and the ability to learn from one situation and applying it to another life challenge.

Great post - well done for your achievements and your thoughts

startanew wrote:
Don’t quit before the miracle: For many of us it takes time – and progress is slow – don’t quit before the miracle.

Love this and your whole post! Thanks for sharing!

This post deserves a special place here so that it doesn't fade into the archives.

Thanks so much for what you wrote.

Insightful and good reading. Was gonna add some thoughts but every time I started to type one I realized the overall concept was already covered in your writings. Thanks for sharing that.

So inspiring! I love the "don't quit before the miracle" line.

I had never put recovery and the adaptation to cpap together, but it really does fit, doesn't it? Maybe it could be formulated as an "x"' step program for cpap. There's lots of practical advice given on this board, and the "program" could be one more thing that newbies could use in their journey toward the miracle.

All the best to you in your dual journey, and thanks for taking the time to write this and share your inspirations and insights!

kaiasgram wrote:This post deserves a special place here so that it doesn't fade into the archives.

Thanks so much for what you wrote.

I agree, thank you for your effort to write this. It is inspirational to all and especially to new users.

Thanks for all the kind words. I find that in writing this stuff -- I get to ask the question ... am I just saying this .. or am I living this.

The analyst in me wonders whether folks with a history in recovery are more likely to take to xPAP therapy. Or whether there would be a much better success rate for xPAP therapy if the medical community nurtured more of the peer-to-peer support processes that have been developed and have been prove to w

Thought perhaps that my little contribution will be to post a short "Apnea Recovery Concept of the week on this board as my little way of paying forward all of what has been freely given to me here.

Stay tuned

kaiasgram wrote:This post deserves a special place here so that it doesn't fade into the archives.

Thanks so much for what you wrote.

maybe if enough people write to carolyngoodman about it, she'll move it into the annoucments section.

Thanks for sharing and best of luck to you!