CPAP on Par with Golf?

mikemoran · Post by **mikemoran** » Tue Apr 25, 2006 3:24 pm

On a recent golf trip where I was struggling both with my mask and my game, I started to see the parallels between the two. Sure in one you deal with a hole instead of a hose and a putter instead of sputter (from rain out). But both can be as frustrating as hell, and no one can tell me that it doesn’t take balls to strap on a mask to blow yourself up every night. Once I started on this derailed train of thought I had to ride it to the end of the line.

The first thing you notice is they have the same scoring system. Much like golf I am usually over par for my CPAP, often in double and triple bogie range. In 18 nights I often exceed par for the course of treatment. I wonder if maybe we should have a handicap system so that I can sleep equally with the more talented CPAP Pros.

Like golf, most of us have a buddy we play the game with. Whether it’s the cart or the bed if you are playing badly it usually effects their game. In my case it always makes them play better as they figure they can’t screw it up as much as I do. Heaven help both of you, if you drive the cart into a ditch or start erupting in mask squeals. In that case both of you have a very lousy day.

Lets talk equipment. Most of us start out with the basic stuff. Gifts from family or insurance that are just adequate enough to give us a taste of what fun we might enjoy if we get good enough. Unfortunately, instead of talking to a Pro they usually are misdirected by inexperienced sales staff touting whatever the boss said to sale that day. Bad equipment is usually what makes most of us quit after the first few rounds. If you are lucky enough to get one or two good hits all of sudden find yourself getting that second mortgage to support your habit. If you think CPAP doesn’t have as many training aids as golf, I suggest you google Chin straps and see how many types turn up. I swear there are as many masks as putters out there too, (I think I have bought every one of them).

If you look at some of the golf terminology you wonder if the inventor might have been having some sleep issues too. I mean with lay ups, lies and balls resting in the fairway, did he really get a good nights rest the night before if he is taking all those naps? Speaking of lies, both hose heads and golfers are always trying to improve theirs. I know for a fact that CPAP has improved my lies. After a good night I was able to claim that when the ball hit the roof of the house it must of rolled down the drain pipe and cannoned into the middle of the fairway, with a completely straight face.

Well I am off to the pro shop to tweak my nasal pillows and see if I can’t get my score down. Tonight I will be dreaming of becoming the Lee Trevino of CPAP. Imagining donning my Green Robe as I win my first Masters.

SLEEPYCD · Post by **SLEEPYCD** » Tue Apr 25, 2006 3:42 pm

Silly Man Moran,
Got my golf clubs out last week to hit some balls in the yard (haven't golfed in about ten years). I was thinking that maybe if I wore my CPAP, eye mask, and taped my mouth shut while golfing, it may improve my game!!!!!! Taped lips could save the neighbors from hearing "Oh, shit!" everytime I tee off!!!! As always, thanks for the funnies!!!!
Carolyn

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Apr 25, 2006 4:35 pm

and don't forget you need a caddy to carry around all that CPAP equipment and accessories when you are on the move......

Sleepless on LI · Post by **Sleepless on LI** » Tue Apr 25, 2006 8:21 pm

Mike,

Leave it to you to find a link between golf and cpap. Good to see your humor back on the site again. I'm sure I'm not alone when I say you've been missed.

birdiebaby · Post by **birdiebaby** » Tue Apr 25, 2006 8:22 pm

What a terrific analogy!

Here's to a few more birdies in both 'sports'!