The CPAP Of The Wild

[mikemoran]

Got a few days off and I could think of nothing better than getting back to nature with my family. Packing up the family, the dogs and my CPAP we caravanned to the wilderness. Nothing says roughing it like a cabin at a ski resort. I could feel my cave man instincts bubbling to the surface as we drove up the driveway to our 1,900 square foot piece of paradise. Sure we would have to put up with inconveniences like baseboard heat and a 25 Inch TV; but my family comes from hardy pioneer stock and I knew we would survive.

After settling in, I girded myself to assault the slopes. Decked out in down underwear, spandex racing suit and my nasal mask I was ready to go set some new land leg breaking records. I still don’t understand why the kids wanted to be dropped off a couple blocks from the lifts, but I’m sure a little extra warm up would be good for them. Once again the mask worked like a charm. Not only did it save me from frostbite, but the lift lines seemed non-existent. The snowboard crowd really loved it and wanted to know where they could get one.

That night we had a bit of a struggle with the espresso machine and the chocolate fountain took forever to heat up, but one does have to make sacrifices in the woods. Turns out the kids can kill off robot commandos just as well here as on the big screen at home. A quick mop up of the night’s festivities and we were all off to a good winter’s nap.

We woke to the most amazing sight the next morning. The trees were inundated with squirrels frolicking across the branches. There must have been at least twenty of them
scampering in an aerial ballet. We have been coming here for years and never once caught a glimpse of wild life. Near as we can figure in the past they had been scared off by my nightly rendition of the Lumberjack’s Serenade. Clearly my auxiliary snore generator, the family dog, wasn’t up to the task.

Well the first day it was cute and the next day when the raccoons showed up I was beginning to feel like Marlin Perkins. However, when the skunks took over the deck I had misgivings about our new Wild Kingdom. By the forth day our mountain retreat rivaled the national zoo. Finally we discovered it was my mask leaks causing all the problems. Seems it hits just the right tone to become a hypersonic wild life whistle.

Well Snow White I surely am not, and what the critters were doing to the windows was definitely not washing them. We lost the phone line to squirrels the other night and the cell phone charger is in the car. I have run out of Jamaican Blue coffee beans and expect my cellular modem will give out any moment now. So if you are reading this can you please get in touch with Ranger Smith. Yogi seems a bit grumpy having been woken up from his winter nap and keeps eyeing me like I am a picnic basket.

[SLEEPYCD]

WELCOME BACK GRIZZLEY ADAMS!!!!! YOU WERE MISSED!!!!
CD

[HappyHoser]

my auxiliary snore generator, the family dog

Mike, I think he might be sleeping on your hose! Thanks for the smiles!

[rested gal]

Great way to start the New Year - with some genuine Mike Moran. That was fun to read.

[dsm]

Mike,

Some genuine (and good spirited) humour for 2006

Welcome back

DSM

[ozij]

O.

[tomjax]

-Wow- Just when I thought........
oh well-

oh well