CPAP and the Art of Leaf Blowing

[mikemoran]

During the period between my sleep study and when I could finally get in to see my doctor I was going nuts, (some say I had already made that hike). Here I was fully diagnosed as in need of hose and no where to turn. Being the kind of hands on guy that I am I wasn’t just going to sit around and wait for things to happen. I mean it was an air pump and some hose, who needs a prescription for what you already have in your garage?

At first I thought I could use a bicycle pump and bribe my kids to take shifts during the night. The only problem was my daughter tended to dose off and I was having more episodes than without it. My son on the other hand figured why a bunch of little pumps over time when you could do a whole bunch of big ones and coast. About the third time I whizzed off the bed I decided maybe the manual pump wouldn’t work.

So off to the garage I went to see what else I could find. There it was sitting on a shelf in all its gustatory glory was my handy dandy leaf blower. Now I knew it had a little more horse power than my lungs could take so I figured a direct connection wouldn’t work. So hanging it from the ceiling and inserting a couple funnels in my nostrils and I had my CPAP.

All seemed to be working well until the cat got into the slipstream and was clutching onto my wife’s face for dear life. In spite of her fur blindfold she invoked the force and nailed my leaf blower with the alarm clock. After a little cat peeling and some sedatives I could finally assess the damage. End result was one traumatized kitty, one infuriated spouse, an alarm clock without a scratch on it and one leaf blower blown all to hell.

So my experimentation ground to a halt and I was forced to wait. Both me and the cat lived through it and we became quite comfortable on the couch. The only problem is now I have all these leafs and no leaf blower. I keep hoping for that major storm that will blow them into my neighbor’s yard but it seems a long time in coming.

Then it struck me, why not use the blower by my bedside. About time I got full use out of my insurance dollars. I was thinking that a little amping of the motor along with a constricting nozzle might just do the trick. Made the mistake of not switching it to CPAP and the auto kept adjust the flow to it wouldn’t trigger a central apnea. Figuring the grass wouldn’t mind the de-saturation I switched to CPAP but even then wasn’t enough power. Another failed experiment but at least the family pets weren’t involved.

I know you are thinking this guy's lawn must be a sea of brown right now.. But I didn’t have to wait for the big blow or even break out the rakes. I just made sure I attached the humidifier. Put that sucker on, added some bouillon, cranked it up to high and covered the leaves with a fine mist of beefy goodness. Neighborhood dogs had my lawn clean in no time. So have to say again this therapy works provided you use all the attachments.

[another_guest]

but can you use it to clean out the dust bunnies inside your computer? or blow them off the bathroom fan? let alone blow up your air mattresses?

I have a nebulizer and have used it for all these things and more - a dental pick on the end of the hose works wonders for a small stream of compressed air - but as far as the leaves are concerned - well they can stay and rot in the yard -----but I do need to get the gutters cleaned out every so often -- now to see what the cpap will do - hmm ----- how long of an extension cord do I need?

[janzzdave]

I just buy a new filter fan..


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Bathroom fan

[Portageegal]

Thanks for the good laugh.

[sleepyinstlouis]

I feel sorry for the poor kitty.

[timbalionguy]

Seems to me that a CPAP machine would make a dandy leaf blower for a bonsai garden.....

[rested gal]

It's been a long time since Mike Moran has been around. Gee, I miss him!

Loved his sense of humor and clever writing:

LINKS to mikemoran humor
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