Airy Tales for Children

mikemoran · Post by **mikemoran** » Fri Nov 04, 2005 8:27 am

What better way to introduce your children to the wonderful world of CPAP than through the use of classic stories.

Little Red Riding Hose – In this tale our heroine is a budding DME heading off to grandma’s house to outfit her with state of the art equipment. Along the way she encounters the Wolf, one of her competitors, who tries to trick her into giving up her goodies so he can sell them on E-bay. Since nothing worked he goes to Granny’s house locks her in the closet and climbs into her bed. Through a series of probing questions, and his 12 o’clock shadow, Red quickly discovers his subterfuge. She then promptly picks a mask much too small for him, over tightens the head gear and cranks the pressure up to maximum. The leaks are unbearable and the Wolf runs screaming from the cottage. Red, Granny and the ubiquitous woodsman then sit down to tea and have a hearty laugh.

The Big Good Wolf – The Wolf in this story is running a thriving demolition business blowing down derelict houses for new construction. The bane of his existence, are three porcine squatters who keep building houses that don’t meet code on his sites. First there was a straw one, then came the stick one and finally the pigs wised up and used brick. Unfortunately, this was built on the site of a new Hospital and the wolf didn’t have enough air power to bring it down. Fortunately, his friend the coyote told him about the new ACME AutoPAP. Aided by this industrial strength blower he was able to accomplish the job.

Snore White and the Seven Vertically Challenged Individuals – Our story starts out with the Wicked Queen asking the question, “Mirror, Mirror on the floor, who in the land has the loudest snore?” To which it responded, “Of many things I do not know, but in this regard Snore White has the biggest blow.” This enrages the queen and she sends her henchman to kill Snore White in the woods. While taken a short rest stop, Snore falls asleep and her rumbling enrages a hibernating bear scaring off the henchman who swears to the queen the girl was eaten. After that she takes up resident with some polyester miners who enjoy the free massages caused by her nightly rumbling.

Once again the mirror rats her out and the Wicked Queen decides to take things into her own hands. Dressing as itinerant DME she tricks Snore into donning a CPAP mask that promptly drives her into a deep slumber. Snore sleeps quietly for years and since she wasn’t providing the Magic Fingers anymore the miners tossed her out into the woods. Along comes a guy named Prince from the Charming Mask Company who fits her with a new mask which leaks horrendously and wakes her up. Snore then dumps Charming’s Prince and becomes the spokes model for the new Wicked Queen Super Silencer Interface.

Goldilocks and the Three Airs – Disgruntled about the selection of CPAPs available from her HMO, Goldilocks breaks into the Bear Family Sleep Lab during the Thanksgiving Holiday weekend. Here she goes from one plastic covered bed to the next one, trying out all the equipment. First she puts on the nasal pillow mask but it the pillows were too hard. Then she tries the full face mask but the cushion was too soft and leaked too much. Finally she tries on the nasal mask and it was just right.

Next she runs through the various xPAPS and when she starts up the AutoPAP she falls into a deep sleep. When the Bears show up on Monday she is still snoozing and she quickly bolts out the door with the equipment and their clinician manual. The next night the cops promptly arrest her and bring her up on charges of burglary and illegal self titration.

ozij · Post by **ozij** » Fri Nov 04, 2005 8:35 am

Mike, you are unbelievable...

O.

FJC · Post by **FJC** » Fri Nov 04, 2005 12:15 pm

Hehe, those are pretty good.

SLEEPYCD · Post by **SLEEPYCD** » Fri Nov 04, 2005 2:36 pm

Another great one from the Bedi Master!!!!! Soooooooo funny!!!!!

LDuyer · Post by **LDuyer** » Fri Nov 04, 2005 4:15 pm

ozij wrote:Mike, you are unbelievable...

O.

Mike,
Ozij had it right in saying you are unbelievable.
I can't wait for the next installments.
Keep 'em comin'.

Linda

JimH · Post by **JimH** » Fri Nov 04, 2005 10:10 pm

And don't forget "Sleeping Beauty". It wasn't a poison apple that put her to sleep but a perfectly titrated CPAP. The prince could only kiss her and wake her up when the "required" hours of sleep were acheived. Plus he didn't know how to remove the contraption without startling her. The real twist to the story though, was that the wicked witch was truly Sleeping Beauty prior to CPAP.

Mike, thanks for keeping us laughing!!!!!

JimH- Totally impressed with Mikes creativity yet again.

rested gal · Post by **rested gal** » Fri Nov 04, 2005 10:55 pm

A+MAZING!

Sticky Fingers · Post by **Sticky Fingers** » Sat Jul 18, 2015 6:30 am

Excellent!

chunkyfrog · Post by **chunkyfrog** » Sat Jul 18, 2015 3:15 pm

Than you for reviving this delight!
Mike not only contributed much humor to this forum, but his book is still available.
http://www.alibris.com/This-Book-Blows- ... ok/9441726

Wulfman... · Post by **Wulfman...** » Sat Jul 18, 2015 3:29 pm

Now, THESE are the types of "old" threads I enjoy seeing resurrected.

Mike's timeless humor revisited.

Den

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Airy Tales for Children

Airy Tales for Children

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