Deafness of the Sheep

mikemoran · Post by **mikemoran** » Fri Oct 07, 2005 8:53 am

Gone are the days where I was my own black noise generator. Where sleep would fall upon me like a heavy blanket. Head on pillow eyes closed and until the my wife drove in the forklift to get me out of bed nothing but blissful oblivion. How I hunger for those Halcyon Days of rumbling roofs and being comatose for eight hours.

This isn’t rant about how hard it is to adjust to CPAP. Shamu and I have come to terms and I get inflated every night. My home modified FrankenAura even seems to disappear once I get to sleep. No my problem is with those noisy pests infesting my home.

Is this a deep dark secret CPAPers keep to themselves. Is this one of those “Lets all stand around and watch the newbie until he figures it out” kind of joke? I swear they weren’t there until I started this therapy. This is one side effect of CPAP therapy never mentioned on the boards.

Oh those multiple disruptors that derail my slumber train each night. Why did my daughter suddenly take up playing music to go to sleep? My son’s keyboard was always so quiet as he played though the night attempting to get to the next level of DemonDOOMDestroyerFunFest. Its even invaded my bed, never heard a peep out of my wife until now. How dare she breath!!!

Well I am not going to idly stand by and take it. I have been working on my plans and soon its off to Home Depot I go. I am thinking for my daughter hermetically sealing her room will do the trick. Maybe then the Black Eyed Peas will let get to sleep. Besides I believe an air lock may also address some other teen age issues plaguing a dad.

For my son I am building a computer cabinet. Furniture that will not only house his massive machine but the boy too. With sound proofing I believe it will leave enough room for his dirty clothes collection. Quiet and odor containment the perfect solution.

Now for the wife I have downloaded the plans for the “Cone of Silence”. I think with a few modifications of duct tape and pantyhose I can actually make it work. Lowering it each night is bound to get rid of that annoying inhalation and exhalation. Oops that reminds me I need to put some air holes in the Cone.

Oh I know this seems excessive. I guess I could shove ear plugs in and block them out. But it’s the principal of the thing. Why do I have to shove something in my ears when I am already impaling my nose? Yep a few home improvements can restore the peace I once knew. Looking forward to the day where all I have to do is scrunchy the cat to the wall and strap the portable CPAP to the dog and drift into somnambulistic bliss.

peg · Post by **peg** » Fri Oct 07, 2005 10:00 am

Wonderful, just wonderful!!!
How is a person supposed to get any rest with all that racket.
There is a possibility that the kids may have compensated for the rumblings and may need time to adjust.
The breathing thing with the wife. May just want to let that sleeping dog lie.
Know what I mean.
Unless you relish the thought of an hour long monologue of how "she" put up with you for all those years and this is the thanks that I get how could you even think of criticizing me for my little noise. If I had a nickel for every night that I couldn't sleep because of your infernal racket I could buy some really nice things which by the way you could step it up in that department too. etc, etc, etc
You see where this is going don't you? Just leave her alone.
For God sakes man, don't you value your marriage???

mikemoran · Post by **mikemoran** » Fri Oct 07, 2005 11:39 am

Hey that would mean it would have to stop being about Me Me Me. Rethinking about drilling air holes in the "Cone of Silence" LOL

ozij · Post by **ozij** » Fri Oct 07, 2005 12:33 pm

Thanks Mike!
O.

SLEEPYCD · Post by **SLEEPYCD** » Fri Oct 07, 2005 12:58 pm

Mike"Silly Man"Moran,
As usual you are cracking me up, will the Cone of Silence be made of leather? You know they may throw you in jail for putting your son in a cabinet!!!! YOU HAVE TEENAGERS!!!!! Where you been, lost in brain fog like the rest of us??? Enjoy all your new distractions!!!! Keep us posted on life with the Moran Clan, you are hilarious!!!!!

CD

rested gal · Post by **rested gal** » Fri Oct 07, 2005 1:58 pm

Another jewel in your crown, Mike!

Sleepless on LI · Post by **Sleepless on LI** » Fri Oct 07, 2005 2:57 pm

I still say a book of your CPAP collections would be priceless. Just think how much money you could make if it sold big? You could trim the Cone of Silence in platinum, maybe even diamond encrusted. Go for it, Mike!!! On this site alone, you already have fans of your work. Just think of all the CPAPers out there that could benefit from your incredibly hysterical sense of humour and insight.

mikemoran · Post by **mikemoran** » Sat Oct 08, 2005 8:31 am

Lori,

I truly appreciate your support but a book would interfer with my master plan. What is that you might ask? Why to be discovered by Johnny on this site and asked to help write his promotional material. This would give me my ulitmate dream of being able to attend Sleep Disorder Conventions and party with all those dynamic sleep doctors and professionals.

I understand they are the greatest. You can get rookie Dr. trading cards at their cheapest prices, still trying to complete my 1976 Mt. Sinai lineup. Getting to dress up in a costume from yoru favorite nocturnal episode. Just can't wait until Johnny sees me

Besides you don't really want me to charge you for this stuff. Remember the old Canandian saying "Why buy the Moose when you can get the droppings for free?"

Sleepless on LI · Post by **Sleepless on LI** » Sat Oct 08, 2005 8:46 am

Mike,

Is your wife immune to you by now? I would think her defense mechanisms would have had to have kicked in by now or she just wouldn't be surviving. I picture you saying these types of things to her and she rolling her eyes like, "Here he goes again!"

By the way, you should never charge your original fans for those "droppings" since we should be looked at like the wind beneath your wings, the ones who provided you with enough courage and encouragement to take that flight! But you sincerely are hysterical. All I have to do is read the topic of the thread that you post and I think to myself, "Oh, no! Here he goes again." I am laughing before I open the post.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for providing us all with such laughter and for always being able to life our spirits. I just wonder if my suspicions about how you were in school are right. I will bet they are.