Please tell my husband!

[Lee Lee]

My husband's sleep study, 2 years ago, revealed moderate sleep apnea. He couldn't tolerate the titration study, (the full face mask freaked him out, it leaked because his face was sweaty).
He then had turbinate surgery and decided that he was all better! (of course, he wasn't).
Meanwhile, he mentioned that I was doing a hell of a lot of snoring (I vehemently denied it.) so I had a study, and I too, had moderate apnea.
I have been on the hose for two years, and feel much better. He, however, REFUSES to get treatment.
I need your help.
He sleeps fitfully for about 5-6 hours and then has to get up to go the bathroom. He just doesn't get that this is his apnea.
If you had this problem prior to treatment, could you tell me your story? I will show him, and then I believe he will get treatment. He will believe it, if someone besides me tells him.
Of course, he has all the other problems that go with apnea, walking around in a fog, exhausted, no energy, etc.
Please help me save him!
Lee Ann

[Slinky]

You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink. I wish you good luck. I've yet to have any luck getting my husband to go back for a titration.

He snores, he stops breathing, he has the slow, smooth, rhythmic leg movements, he's tired all the time, he's in bed most nights by 8:30 and up a couple of times during the night ......

I managed to get him in for a sleep study back in 1998. He had a decent doctor then. She has since died. I've even had the report from his previous sleep study sent to his current doctor. Duh. He doesn't pick up on it and recommend my husband have another evaluation or a titration study. I left this doctor's practice w/o hard feelings, I just moved on to a doctor I felt more comfortable with so I have little input w/this guy even when I go w/my husband to his doctor visits.

[Lee Lee]

Well, Slinky, at least, I'm not alone in the Husband- In- Denial Category.
Our 17th wedding anniversary is Sunday, and I plan to ask him for no gifts...just go back for the titration!

[SleepingBeauty]

A friend was asking me a lot of questions about apnea. She is sure her husband has it. She described the typical - stops breathing, snores, is always tired, forgetful, cranky, no energy.

She said she has asked and asked him to get tested and he refused. She finally told him - "You choose. The test or me."

She said if he was going to willingly kill himself, she may as well get out while she was still young and cute so she could find another husband who would be alive to go the distance with her.

He is getting tested!

I asked her if she really meant it (the leaving him part) and she just smiled.

[goose]

I always say, you can take a horse to water, but don't forget what a wet horse smells like -- and I've got horses!!!!!!!

Ok -- I'm a guy. I've been on the hose for about 2.5 months now and have finally started to feel much better -- I've got my numbers in a good range -- not perfect, but good.

I only get up once a night now for a BR break (if I get up at all). I used to be up 4-5-6 times a night.
I used to fall asleep at my desk at work....just kind of doze off. I don't know if I snored there, but I really snored at home. I haven't been snoring since I've been on the hose. And these days I'm rarely tired enough to nap during the day unless I do some strenuous work (hey....I'm getting older).....
I have High Blood pressure, diabetes, high cholesterol among a myriad of afflictions that can be directly attributed to OSA......

Personally -- I couldn't wait to get on the hose. I embraced the treatment because I was just plain tired of being tired. I have more energy now than I've had in years and I know there's more to come.
I'm 57. I didn't get here overnight, and I don't expect the cure to be instantaneous -- it's a process and if I want to live a bit longer, I need the treatment. If I can lower my BP and Blood Glucose numbers just a couple of points I'll be thrilled!!!!!

I don't know how someone who knows the issue exists won't do the treatment or complete the testts. In my mind that's just plain dumb, and somewhat suicidal -- this condition can KILL YOU!!!!! And without treatment, probably will in some way. How's his heart?? Circulation?? Brain function?? All of which can be affected by OSA.

I would think that seeing your progress would be incentive enough, but....

Lee Lee -- I'd make sure his insurance is up to date and all the personal effects are in order.

I have a similar problem. I'm trying to get my wife to at least go get tested. She snores like a freight train and stops breathing at night. She also suffers from Restless Leg Syndrome, but she's a registered nurse and knows it all and I'm just a guy, so I'm stupid.

Denial can be a fatal condition......

Good luck
cheers
goose

[Daddysaur]

I had a hard time getting tested after seeing my bro-in-law walking around with the mask hanging on his face and hearing his story about the 11 year old son clamping the hose to watch him wake up in a hurry, but falling asleep while people talked to me and having no energy finally brought me around after wasting a year. I have nothing good to say about the testing process, way too many wires and weirdness trying to sleep in a clinic and the home test wasn't much better. The transition to using the CPAP machine at home has been a snap and after reading the horror stories on this site I wonder how many have my experience and how many struggle with all phases of the adjustment. There are many posts on this site covering the benefits once someone gets in the groove.

Do you have a spare machine? If he would see the improvement without the test and DME torture, the hesitation to get tested would be overcome. Somehow everyone's spouse is the less trusted source of information.
Good luck and let me know if a phone call would help.

[NeedinZs]

LeeLee,

I liked your idea of him getting tested for your anniversary present.
Hold him to it, like you mean business!

Also, see my post from earlier today re: Subject: "I wish he would have been tested". Regarding my Uncle's death this week.

Best of luck. I'm dealing with the same problem, only it's my Dad.

[j.a.taylor]

Lee Lee,

I'm a guilty husband, who has just started CPAP, and regret all the time that I've wasted.

I've been married to my wife for 23 years, and during much of that time she's urged me to get a sleep study. Like your husband, I had a lot of the same symptoms, but refused.

Finally, my wife started to have multiple health problems, and a specialist informed her that most of them were the effects of sleep deprivation. Not because she has apnea, but because she couldn't sleep well through my snoring, my gasping for breath, my bathroom visits, and her need to watch over me while I slept.

That prompted a little guilt, but my wife pushed the envelope and went with me on my next Doctor visit. Before I could get him out of the room--viola! She suggested he send me for a sleep study--for the sake of her health.

I went to the study, within 4 days had my CPAP, have responded well to the treatment, and we've both been sleeping well since.

Maybe you need to take the same approach my wife did. If your husband won't do it for his health, maybe he'll do it for yours.

[Moby]

......!

is insurance is up to date and all the personal effects are in order.

I have a similar problem. I'm trying to get my wife to at least go get tested. She snores like a freight train and stops breathing at night. She also suffers from Restless Leg Syndrome, but she's a registered nurse and knows it all and I'm just a guy, so I'm stupid.

Denial can be a fatal condition......

Good luck
cheers
goose

Has she seen this article from the yellow light bulb (Our Collective Wisdom)?
cpaptalk-articles/sleep-apnea-prevalenc ... enemy.html
Maybe when the time is right you could print off a copy and show it to her, saying you have benefitted so much from the treatment, maybe she could use the kowledge to educate her patients and even her fellow RNs.

The penny may start to drop when she looks at it from a different perspective.

good luck!

Di (an RN who was in denial for years and years...)

[goose]

Thanks Di -- I'll be sure to take a look at it and print it off.....

Because I'm a guy I'm an idiot, and because a majority of "us" here on the forum are not "Medical Professionals" we don't know what we're talking about.....So that's the attitude I have to overcome.....

I've saved the .pdf version and because it's written by an MD perhaps it'll have some influence.
I appreciate the info!!!! I'll certainly benefit from it!!!!

cheers
goose

[Panhandler]

Lee Lee,

My experience pretty much mirrors Goose's, except that prior to the sleep study I developed chronic atrial fibrillation, which REALLY left me feeling washed out. The left atrium of my heart was fluttering, not pumping usefully, and had became enlarged. It felt like a squirrel was living in my chest.

Two attempts at cardioversion failed. Cardioversion is the controlled version of the ER procedure you see on TV where they put the paddles on you and yell "Clear" and your body jerks off the table. When they do it in the cardiology clinic, they knock you out, but it's still not fun.

After a few weeks on CPAP and some medication, they tried a third time, and it worked just fine. I'm convinced that the atrial fib was due to the undiagnosed OSA, and there is medical literature to support that opinion.

As to getting up at night, it was 3-4 times per night prior to CPAP and maybe once now.

It's true that the sleep study and titration are profoundly uncomfortable, and for me the first couple of weeks were a challenge, but once I clicked into a "solve my own problems" mode, things got better rapidly, and I really don't feel comfortable sleeping without the hose, now.

My counsel to your husband would be that he owes it to himself and to you to give xPAP a fair try.

[goose]

Lee Lee -- you may want to do the same as Moby suggested to me regarding my RN wife. Take a look at that link she sent me and at the bottom there is a route to a .pdf version of the article.
It's very interesting. In that article there is a link to the Berlin Questionnaire - you may want to ask your husband to fill it out.....(don't show him the scoring -- just the questions).
Just more ammunition to help you....

good luck
cheers
goose

[ozij]

The medical name for all those bathroom breaks at night is "nocturia". You may want to do a google scholar search for nocturia and apnea, you'll find lots of info.

My husband's sleep study, 2 years ago, revealed moderate sleep apnea. He couldn't tolerate the titration study, (the full face mask freaked him out, it leaked because his face was sweaty).

Since your husbad has been titrated, and freaked out at using the mask, pressing him to go the titration route again may not be the best idea - he's had one bad experience, and nothing assures you the next one won't be as bad, or worse - and then things will be worse. He need to be convinced to start therapy, and that therapy is not the aversive experience he had.

If you can afford it - why not use you own Rx to buy a data gathering machine for his use, and do an at home titration? Nothing says you can use the RX once, and nobody is going to ask you who is going to use the machine.

You're an experienced cpap user, you may be able to help him with tips and tricks from your own experience and we'll chime in when you need more help.

Pur-sleep also seems to make things much easier for beginners - order a kit of that before his first time on the hose.

Basically, you're aim it to get him into therapy, and make his experiences on the hose as non-aversive as pleasant, titration in a sleep lab isn't necessary, since he's been diagnosed already.

I would go to an anniversary dinner at restuarant, and talk sincerely about my love, my concern, my hope to help him experience pleasant therapy. I would not mention a re-titration at all. And maybe (I'm not sure so sure about this part) I'ld then give him a pur-sleep starter kit as my anniversary present to him and as proof that I want it to be a pleasant experience for him.

Men in our society - especially when they were frightened little boys - are frequently taught not to admit their fear, and are sometimes made fun of when they're afraid. Your husband had a frightening experience in his titration, and somewhere in the back of his mind he may even be feeling ashamed at not being able to handle something you already have handled. Your empathy for his fear, and an attempt to make things feal better may be what he needs. I don't believe an attempt to force him into something terrifying as a anniversary present for you has much chance of making that experience less terrifying.

O.

[TXKajun]

Lee Lee, how about you have an insurance agent come over....tell hubby you want a $1M policy on him because he's gonna "leave" rather unexpectedly. Also, while you've got the insurance agent there, check into long-term disability and extended stay nursing home care, cuz the way he's going, he's going to need it. Also, take him down to WalMart and get a family portrait made....tell him you want something to remember him by while he's still kinda sorta healthy and with you and the family. (tongue only partially in cheek, BTW)

Yep, drastic, but what he's got is killing him.

Good luck!

Kajun

[mckooi]

Hi LeeLee,

Ignorant kills slowly mostly!
Self destruct surely.
Some pay for the price some dont...
And I pray each day having learnt.

Cheers