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General Discussion on any topic relating to CPAP and/or Sleep Apnea.
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mikemoran
 
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Ten Reasons to Love CPAP (Humor)

Postby mikemoran on Thu Sep 07, 2006 11:37 am

Last night as I lay dreaming I was launched into space by my nose, I woke up to find I had snagged my hose again in the bed covers. A bit disappointed that I was suffering from self impalement versus a history making launch I turned to look at my wife sleeping blissfully next to me. With just a modicum of envy, I once again had to re-evaluate why inflate. Here is a list of what I came up with in my semi-comatose state:

1. Alien Abduction Prevention (1) – Clearly my mask would demonstrate to any advanced race that I can handle nasal impalement, so they would get much more entertainment probing my bed partner.
2. Bad Hair Day Excuse – Any bad hair day can be easily explained away as a bad headgear night. Should work for explaining my progressing forehead problem too.
3. Tippling Cover – Surely my nose is red because my mask was too tight and that alcohol you smell was just me disinfecting the nose piece.
4. Alien Abduction Prevention (2) – I must be a fellow traveler from a different system considering my need for atmospheric augmentation to breath the air on this backward planet.
5. Costume Savings- Darth Vader, Hannibal Lechter, Phantom of the Opera, even Jabba the Hut, the list of potential Halloween wear is endless. I will never have to buy a costume ever again. My red nose is perfect for playing Bozo too.
6. Built in Air Conditioning – The next best thing to sticking your head out the window in a moving car. Not flexible enough to engage in the other activity my dog enjoys, but I really think he is on to something here.
7. Never Having to Turn Out the Lights on a Cold Night – Wrapped up snuggly in my warm blankies I just have to point to my mask and put that pleading look in my eyes. Of course, sometimes she retaliates by lifting the covers to let that blast of frigid air underneath, but I just respond by making sure my exhaust is effectively deployed in her direction throughout the night.
8. The Spare Part Collection – My closet is now better stocked that my workroom. Only thing better than duct tape is Breathoprene straps and Velcro for those emergency plumbing repairs. Forget mask tweaks, ask me how I fixed the ball cock in my toilet.
9. Anti-Insomnia Literature – Nothing can put me under faster than perusing those spellbinding instruction manuals. Only seventeen more chapters to go before I learn how to attach the hose to my CPAP.
10. Home Improvement Savings – Between the broken windows and cracked foundation it was beginning to look like a cardboard box next to a rail line was my future abode. Sure I had to take out a third mortgage to afford my co-pay and mask addiction, but it was a hell of a lot cheaper than earthquake proofing my house.


dllfo
 
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Postby dllfo on Thu Sep 07, 2006 12:23 pm

I love #7. It is my favorite. Luckily I love a cool breeze, so when she aims her Mirage Swift at me I like it. That did sound a little perverted didn't it??
What the old codger meant to say was I had just pretty much perfected the "PUH - LEEEEZE" look of abject misery so that she felt sorry for me, but now...she stuffs a pillow on my face, knowing I won't die due to the machine pumping air in me.

Another adventure is rolling over, snuggling and in a semi-conscious state, noting she needs to shave her.......BACK?????? Then the foot long tongue across my forehead made me realize our pup had snuck up in bed with me.
She is so precious I can't get mad at her, and it gives the wife a subtle way of telling me to get up. We need a humorous thread of our animals reaction to the masks and hoses....I bet that would be a hoot. --good thread..Dave


_________________
Mask: Mirage Swift™ II Nasal Pillow CPAP Mask with Headgear
Software: Encore Smart Card Reader - USB
Additional Comments: EPAP 8, MIN IPAP 11, MAX IPAP 30, Encore Pro 1.8.65, Oxygen, Heliox
Installing Software is like pushing a rope uphill.
I have Encore Pro 1.8.65 but could not find it listed
under software.

I LOVE the SV.

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kteague
 
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10 Reasons

Postby kteague on Thu Sep 07, 2006 12:52 pm

Mike,
I get a kick out of the silly little dreams the mind creates to go along with physical sensations we experience in our sleep. Your "hose dream" was great. Bet we'll see this "top 10 list" in your next book.

Hope some others chime in with their funny sleep apnea dreams. You might have started something.

My personal favorite is: Throngs of people looked upward. Above the skyscrapers hovered a gigantic tongue-shaped blimp, reminding me of a cow tongue at the meat market. The crowd gasped in unison as the tongue suddenly lurched out of control, tip end plummeting groundward like a suicide bomber. Panicked observers ran for their lives. The blimp exploded on contact, then slumped into a shriveled mound on the city street.

Mike, thanks again for lightening the day's load. Your brand of "therapy" is just what the doctor ordered.

Kathy

Alisha
 
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Postby Alisha on Thu Sep 07, 2006 1:23 pm

mikemoran,

Number 9 was a laugh out loud! Sounds like you were talking about me. Thanks for the humor and keep sending it our way. We need to laugh and appreciate your posts!

Lachesis
 
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Postby Lachesis on Thu Sep 07, 2006 1:29 pm

Too too funny!! :P Even if I can't relate to all of it yet...

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TXKajun
 
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Re: Ten Reasons to Love CPAP (Humor)

Postby TXKajun on Thu Sep 07, 2006 2:28 pm

OK, Mike, just so you know you definitely aren't alone in this stuff (LOLOL) I added the thoughts I've had while being a hosehead:

mikemoran wrote:Last night as I lay dreaming I was launched into space by my nose, I woke up to find I had snagged my hose again in the bed covers. A bit disappointed that I was suffering from self impalement versus a history making launch I turned to look at my wife sleeping blissfully next to me. With just a modicum of envy, I once again had to re-evaluate why inflate. Here is a list of what I came up with in my semi-comatose state:

1. Alien Abduction Prevention (1) – Clearly my mask would demonstrate to any advanced race that I can handle nasal impalement, so they would get much more entertainment probing my bed partner.

Or else they'll figure they need to probe us in a different place!!! :shock:

2. Bad Hair Day Excuse – Any bad hair day can be easily explained away as a bad headgear night. Should work for explaining my progressing forehead problem too.

You mean there's such a thing as a "good headgear night"???? :lol:

3. Tippling Cover – Surely my nose is red because my mask was too tight and that alcohol you smell was just me disinfecting the nose piece.

Yeah, but your nose looked like that BEFORE you started this XPAP stuff, too! :?

4. Alien Abduction Prevention (2) – I must be a fellow traveler from a different system considering my need for atmospheric augmentation to breath the air on this backward planet.

Let's get outta this solar system! The air on this here planet is so bad even the natives can't breathe it without help, especially when the sun goes down!!! :o

5. Costume Savings- Darth Vader, Hannibal Lechter, Phantom of the Opera, even Jabba the Hut, the list of potential Halloween wear is endless. I will never have to buy a costume ever again. My red nose is perfect for playing Bozo too.

Darth Daddy is your Father! WhooshWhooshWhoose (looking my son, a 10 year old the Star Wars lover, in the eye over my red nose, through my UMFF)

6. Built in Air Conditioning – The next best thing to sticking your head out the window in a moving car. Not flexible enough to engage in the other activity my dog enjoys, but I really think he is on to something here.

Just pull my UMFF away from face to let it seal.....ahhhhhh, the breeze! And nope, there's places I definitely do NOT want to be able to lick myself! LOLOL :oops:

7. Never Having to Turn Out the Lights on a Cold Night – Wrapped up snuggly in my warm blankies I just have to point to my mask and put that pleading look in my eyes. Of course, sometimes she retaliates by lifting the covers to let that blast of frigid air underneath, but I just respond by making sure my exhaust is effectively deployed in her direction throughout the night.

Sweetie got wise to this one quick. She put a lamp on my bedside table. And the exhaust on the back of her neck is a sure sign of errrr, uhmmm "interest", so I better not do that unless I mean it! 8)

8. The Spare Part Collection – My closet is now better stocked that my workroom. Only thing better than duct tape is Breathoprene straps and Velcro for those emergency plumbing repairs. Forget mask tweaks, ask me how I fixed the ball cock in my toilet.

If it moves and ain't supposed to, then bring out the duct tape! If it don't move and it's supposed to, then it's WD-40 time! Keep life simple! LOL


9. Anti-Insomnia Literature – Nothing can put me under faster than perusing those spellbinding instruction manuals. Only seventeen more chapters to go before I learn how to attach the hose to my CPAP.

Are you kidding? Those stimulazing, remarkably interesting zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

10. Home Improvement Savings – Between the broken windows and cracked foundation it was beginning to look like a cardboard box next to a rail line was my future abode. Sure I had to take out a third mortgage to afford my co-pay and mask addiction, but it was a hell of a lot cheaper than earthquake proofing my house.

We just finished 2 1/2 weeks of rain out of the last 3 weeks here in the desert SW. I got leaks in places I didn't even know I got places and doors that don't close......or open once they've been closed! But I didn't even hear the dripping at night over the soft sighing of air through my mask and APAP. So if I can't hear it, especially since it's stopped raining, then it don't need fixing, right? And if it's closed now, it can stay closed or if open, doesn't really need to be closed, right??? Also, see #8 above! :D
_________________



Happy hosing, ya'll!

Kajun

(This therapy WORKS!!! Be sure to take it with a liberal dose of humor, tho!)


_________________
Mask: Ultra Mirage™ Full Face CPAP Mask with Headgear
Additional Comments: APAP, 8-14 cm H2O.
This therapy WORKS!!!

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kteague
 
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Kajun's Komments

Postby kteague on Thu Sep 07, 2006 5:17 pm

TXKajun - Where've you been hiding that witty side? =)

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roster
 
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xxx Warning: Adult Humor xxx

Postby roster on Thu Sep 07, 2006 6:56 pm

True story: Since I switched to the Hybrid mask, I have the hose running down across my chest instead of overhead. One morning this week I woke up with my right hand around something big, long and firm and I could feel a silly, proud smile under my mask. The smile went away when I became fully awake and realized I was holding the cpap hose. Nice thought while it lasted.

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CPAPopedia Keywords Contained In This Post (Click For Definition): hose, CPAP

_________________

CPAPopedia Keywords Contained In This Post (Click For Definition): hose, CPAP


_________________
Mask: Hybrid Full Face CPAP Mask with Nasal Pillows and Headgear
Software: Encore Pro Smart Card
Additional Comments: M Series Integrated Humidifier

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FYRKRKR
 
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"SHE THINKS MY CPAP'S SEXY..."

Postby FYRKRKR on Thu Sep 07, 2006 11:38 pm

As the newest member of the evening, I am glad to find a group with a sense of humor about things!

As a fairly new CPAP wearer and a person who thought I never would...Oh MY!

I was so delighted when my husband got HIS CPAP!!! I could finally sleep! What a dream! He got his months before I did, so I sang that Kenny Chesney song a lot!!!

As a professional dog trainer, you have all now added a new "thing to socialize your dog around" to my list, along with men with beards, (women with beards?) hats, strollers, bikes and the like!


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TXKajun
 
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Postby TXKajun on Fri Sep 08, 2006 8:09 am

kteague. it's always been around, but it's just been sleepin' for a while. :lol:

Kajun

_________________
Mask: Ultra Mirage™ Full Face CPAP Mask with Headgear
Additional Comments: APAP, 8-14 cm H2O.
This therapy WORKS!!!


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