Welcome to the forum, Renee. This is a great support source, with many caring people. I'm sure you will get lots of replies. First I'd like to say that you have a lot of painful issues right now. Adding the diagnosis of sleep apnea to it hasn't made it better for you, and you have a lot of anger. I can't imagine the pain of losing your son, and my deepest sympathies are with you. Then, watching the deterioration of your mom on top of that, you have had more than your share of stress.
The reason there are so many CPAP machines for sale, is often due to many people refusing to use them. It is hard to admit that we have a life-changing diagnosis that results in our being tethered to a hose every night, very likely for the rest of our lives. Many people just give up on their therapy. And, many people do have strokes, heart attacks, and other health disasters, due to untreated sleep apnea. Apneas cause a reduction in oxygen to our vital organs, which then causes the breakdown of those organs.
CPAP therapy has only been in existence since 1981. It's invention has saved tons of lives, and added quality to those lives. I am so thankful that I was diagnosed and am being treated. Before the diagnosis, all I knew was that I woke up too many times during the night, and I could "sleep" for 10 hours and still be very tired. Once I woke up suddenly, feeling like I couldn't breathe. That was scary. During my sleep study, my oxygen level went down to 70%. Untreated, I could have had a lot of damage to my vital organs. Once I was diagnosed and realized how bad my apnea was, it wasn't an issue of whether or not I was going to comply with the therapy. I knew that any night without the machine was a night that I was not breathing during a lot of the night. I have used the machine every night since I got it, which is now 65 nights straight. As for the "rabid cat" description of the masks, I tried at least 10 or more before I found my favorite. I now sleep with the Sleepweaver Advanced, which is a cloth mask. It is so lightweight that I hardly know I have it on. I chose the leopard print one. ( Silly, perhaps, but I look at it as adding a bit of style!)
As to your remark about God, and why we want to prolong our meeting him, I will just say that we all have our "jobs" on this earth, and we are to meet him when it's our time to meet Him. And, if all things are from God, and we know that He guides the hands of the physicians, then the CPAP therapy is also from Him.
I know you are depressed, and that you have reasons to be. However, I hope that you will begin to see some blessings around you. A couple of times in my lowest times of my life, I've gone to support groups. They did wonders for me. To be in a group of people who truly have gone through the same issues is a great healer. There are groups for parents who've lost children, and also groups for people who have relatives having memory loss. I encourage you to look for one or more.
Then I encourage you to use positive self-talk. Our thoughts can manifest what we receive. If we tell ourselves that we are unhappy, we will be unhappy. The subconscious mind takes your thoughts as truths. If you find yourself thinking thoughts that are bringing you down, get rid of those thoughts. Think something else. Look for things you can be grateful for, however small or contrite; a beautiful flower, sunrise, sunset, your home, friends, etc. And, lastly, in the words of my dear departed sister; "have something to look forward to." It doesn't have to be something big.
I wish you blessing and comfort in your life and on your journey into CPAP land. Many of us here are so glad we are.