A CPAP Diet-tribe

mikemoran · Post by **mikemoran** » Thu Feb 23, 2006 10:57 am

My CPAP is killing me. No it is not causing me heart failure or other complications. The problem is that it is making me too healthy. Without noticing it, all of a sudden I find myself on this self improvement spiral. Gone are the days of being a burgeoning couch potato and just coasting through life. Now I actually get up and do things.

Seems like only last year, I could sleep in for hours on a weekend. Roll out of bed, overdose on coffee, eat a five course brunch, smoke a cigarette and watch TV until it was time for my afternoon nap. Sure during the week I might doze off during a meeting, but did I really miss anything? Those little cat naps at the stop lights made my commute seem that much shorter. Looking back on it I am not so sure that sleep deprivation was such a bad thing.

Damn those doctors and sleep researchers for playing on my one big weakness. They discovered I was addicted to breathing and they have been taking full advantage of me. Making me take care of myself just so they can keep getting my insurance payments and peddle their overpriced people pumps. They aren’t the only ones preying on me either. Those nutritionists, personal trainers and health clubs have swooped down to get their share of the pie too.

It all started with CPAP and just snowballed from there. After a couple of months of struggling with the right mask and set up I could sleep through the night. Unfortunately, now I can’t sleep through the morning too. After just eight hours I am alert and full of energy. What the hell was I thinking? All of sudden I have more hours in the day and too much energy to sit around and do nothing.

My wife suggested that maybe we should join a gym, considering how much more time I had on my hands. Hearing that it can make you feel better, I thought it might be worth a try. It had everything I wanted, sauna, whirlpool, steam room and a pool to dip my toes in. Guess I should of checked out the chamber of horrors they kept downstairs before I signed up. There they had a whole floor dedicated to what I like to affectionately call “Death Machines”.

Following my personal “slave master”, my wife had so lovingly arranged for me, I entered the Inquisition Room. Strapped in to devices that Torquemada would have been ashamed to inflict on anyone, I got run through the paces. Soon any excess energy I might have possessed was completely siphoned off. When it was all done I was afraid to use the hot tub because I didn’t know if I would have enough strength to get out of it. Guess torture is legal if you pay for it.

The amazing thing is I keep going back, even using the rack on my own volition. It all had to do with my trainer saying I shouldn’t see results right away which might discourage me, but I shouldn’t give up. Being a hose head there is no way I could back away from such a challenge. I deal with that kind of thing in my sleep.

SLEEPYCD · Post by **SLEEPYCD** » Thu Feb 23, 2006 1:31 pm

Silly Man Moran,
Isn't it great to feel good??? I have some of those "Death Machines" in my basement & log all my "torture sessions" on an exercise calendar. I'm not losing alot of weight, but gaining muscle and feeling 10 years younger!!!! Glad you're doing well, but make time to give us all a big dose of humor once in awhile, ok?????
Carolyn

Gidgie · Post by **Gidgie** » Thu Feb 23, 2006 11:32 pm

That's why I'm putting in a divider in my 'inner sanctum'. So I can avoid looking at one set of 'torture machines' while I'm preparing to bunk down with the other kind.

ozij · Post by **ozij** » Fri Feb 24, 2006 2:27 am

It all had to do with my trainer saying I shouldn’t see results right away which might discourage me, but I shouldn’t give up. Being a hose head there is no way I could back away from such a challenge. I deal with that kind of thing in my sleep.

Abolutely brilliant.

Thanks, Mike

O.

roztom · Post by **roztom** » Fri Feb 24, 2006 2:02 pm

GREAT ENCOURAGEMENT!!!

I love this forum.

Tom