Don't be a but(t)head!

[BleepingBeauty]

Admission: I have very little patience for someone who posts here, asking for advice or help with whatever problem they're having, and a zillion replies are offered with all kinds of suggestions by the great people on this forum, only to be met with the word "but" in response from the OP, followed by an excuse re: why the suggestion just won't work. I refer to people like this as "yabbuts."

If they really do want help and are willing to consider the advice they're given to try to make their therapy experience better, then they're in the right place, because this is the best apnea forum on the internet, IMO. But if all they want to do is whine and garner sympathy, without being willing to do anything to address the problem(s) they're having, then they need a lot more help in life than we can give them here.

Thankfully, the overwhelming majority of people who post their questions here really are seeking advice and assistance and are willing to make the change(s) necessary to help themselves, and I find those experiences very gratifying (for all concerned).

I still love this place, even when the yabbuts annoy me.

[SleepNazzi]

Ya.... But, I am new here.

Ok, I couldn't resist that one. I do agree with your position up to a point. Sometimes it is necessary to throw the old proverbial "BUTT" into the conversation because the OP might have forgot/omitted an important piece of information. That being said, I have low tolerance for whining myself (even if I do a fair bit of it myself ).

[karessamom]

Well said! I love this forum and it's because of all of you that I finally was encouraged enough to make the call and get dxed! I certainly have found a lot of helpful information on here. Although I would have to chime in here a little and say everyone's problems/ symptoms etc are different from each others as well as everyone's situations not being the same--what will work for someone may not work for someone else. however that being said there is a WEALTH of infomation here and posted by people who KNOW what they're talking about.

[Rustyolddude]

The way I see it, forums are like buffet lines. We as 'chefs' can put out all kinds of goodies on the buffet, it's up to the diners to fill their plates with what they like. They can whine about there not being any lobster but theres no reason for them to starve.

[BleepingBeauty]

Just for clarification: I have no issue with an OP who responds with a "but" to any given suggestion, if that suggestion genuinely won't work for them, for one reason or another. The people I refer to as "yabbuts" are those OPs who respond with a "yeah, but..." to every single suggestion or piece of advice they're given and are obviously unwilling to do what it takes to achieve effective therapy. They're just looking for sympathy and/or permission to fail, and I have little tolerance for that.

I'm glad others here are much more patient than I am in these cases (which are, thankfully, few and far between on this forum).

[Babette]

Admission: I have very little patience for someone who posts here, asking for advice or help with whatever problem they're having, and a zillion replies are offered with all kinds of suggestions by the great people on this forum, only to be met with the word "but" in response from the OP, followed by an excuse re: why the suggestion just won't work. I refer to people like this as "yabbuts."

Try having this person you've attempted to help send you emails offlist berating you for your lack of help.

If anyone wonders why I've been quiet lately, it's due to that. I'm so sick of offering someone help, and they are just too damn sleep deprived to make any cognitive sense of it, and then they berate me for not fixing all their problems.

Good for you for letting them have it, girl!!!!
B.

[alnhwrd]

While the Yabutts can be annoying, we should look upon them as an opportunity. Mr. Yabutt might reject our advice, but perhaps someone else will come along and see that same advice and be helped by it. Even a Yabutt might later realize they were being a knob and come back and find something that helps them. So the time and care spent is worthwhile, even if spent on a Yabutt!

Babs, you are the soul of kindness and charity, and anyone who comes after you, via forum, PM or otherwise, is not worth the heartburn they cause. I'm glad you have shaken it off and are back.

Alan

[millich]

.. Mr. Yabutt might reject our advice, but perhaps someone else will come along and see that same advice and be helped by it.

I think this is very true (and very generous of you). Every post gets many, many more views than replies. People are reading your responses and learning even if they aren't responding gratefully.

[Pad A Cheek]

Babette,
I have missed you SO much, I am so glad you posted. I love your take on things.

Don't let 'em get you down gal. You cheer on so many here to keep up with their therapy. (Not to mention the smile you put on everyone's face)

Thanks for poppin' in.

Karen

[Rebecca R]

Bleeping Beauty,

Very Clever and Punny subject for a thread. I had to read it when I saw it. I know I don't get the is some text between the lines, but I am probably more than bit of a Yahbutthead these days too. Whoops, you weren't referring to me were you? I am also a bit of a sleep deprived Wise-#%$.

Everyone here is very patient to those of us asking the same questions that likely were answered on the first few threads.

.. Mr. Yabutt might reject our advice, but perhaps someone else will come along and see that same advice and be helped by it.

I agree with alnhwrd. I have found some really great advice in others' posts. I spent 3+ months reading through posts and searching around before I built up enough nerve, or got desperate enough to join. Now the floodgates are open, sorry.

The only defense I have for Yahbutts is that I think there is something therapeutic in venting, as long as we don't do it permanently. I don't know which of Moran's seven stages includes b#%$#ing and complaining, but if we move on fairly quickly, there must be a place for it.

I hope all of you Experienced Persons (what's computer lingo for the opposite of a newbie?) out there have some templates saved and just paste them in as you yawn, predicting our next questions.

In closing, Yah, I would like to have read the answers to my questions, But there are 373046 posts for me to sift through. Seriously, that is a lot of information! Not quite, but almost as annoying as the Yahbuttheads in life are the Woulda-Shoulda-Couldas. followed by the If-Onlys.

R

[Sleepy Taz]

BleepingBeauty,

Whenever advise is given to people they have several ways to go and more often that not will look for the easiest. In this case it is easier for the people in question to deny that what you are suggesting could work for them and there has to be a better way!!! All we can do is lead the horse to water, not force them to drink. If their wish is to avoid therapy then wish them well and move on to those who really are looking for help. The chronic complainer will never change and will only frustrate you with their "logic". I have been lurking around this forum since april and occasionally add a snippet or two but for the most part there is a core of 15-20 people that pretty much have all of the bases covered, so my input isn't needed. This same person that I believe motivated you to start this post shot down a couple of ideas that i presented to her so I decided to take my twenty years of Cpap experience and move on to another thread.

[BleepingBeauty]

Try having this person you've attempted to help send you emails offlist berating you for your lack of help.

Sorry to hear that, Babs. Going so far as to bitch at someone who's trying to help?

If anyone wonders why I've been quiet lately, it's due to that. I'm so sick of offering someone help, and they are just too damn sleep deprived to make any cognitive sense of it, and then they berate me for not fixing all their problems.
B.

Well, I've missed you, as I'm sure many others have. I do understand, though. I stopped reading posts here for a couple of weeks recently because my therapy was going so badly (after so much time in and effort made) that I was getting very depressed. Reading success stories (especially from newbies who are only a week or two into the process) just made me want to punch my pc in frustration. I don't begrudge anyone their success, of course; I just want some, too, and it became too difficult to reconcile how a few seem to have it so easy when I'm having such difficulty after so much time. Sometimes a break is a good thing, and when I felt better, I returned. I'm glad you have, too. Welcome back, girlfriend.

... perhaps someone else will come along and see that same advice and be helped by it. Even a Yabutt might later realize they were being a knob and come back and find something that helps them. So the time and care spent is worthwhile, even if spent on a Yabutt!

I agree. I've been helped many times over by advice and suggestions that were offered to others.

Bleeping Beauty,

Very Clever and Punny subject for a thread. I had to read it when I saw it. I know I don't get the is some text between the lines, but I am probably more than bit of a Yahbutthead these days too. Whoops, you weren't referring to me were you? I am also a bit of a sleep deprived Wise-#%$.

Thanks, Rebecca. And no, I was definitely not referring to you. I've read your posts, and I find you funny, interested, and more than willing to accept and consider the advice given here. As Rested Gal might say, you're a "good 'un" in my book, and I offer you an official welcome to the forum. Wise-asses, whether sleep-deprived or not, are always a nice addition to this place, AFAIC. We all need a good laugh, and the more often, the better.

Everyone here is very patient to those of us asking the same questions that likely were answered on the first few threads.

Very true. The people who offer their time, knowledge and advice here are what makes this forum the best resource for anyone with a question or a problem with this therapy.

I spent 3+ months reading through posts and searching around before I built up enough nerve, or got desperate enough to join. Now the floodgates are open, sorry.

You're educating yourself, and that's what this forum is all about, so there's no need to apologize. Ask every question you have, Rebecca. You're no yabbut.

The only defense I have for Yahbutts is that I think there is something therapeutic in venting

Agreed. That's exactly what I was doing when I started this thread.

...as long as we don't do it permanently.

And that's exactly the issue I have with yabbuts. When the venting/complaining is constant, with absolutely no effort made to improve the situation, with a flimsy excuse about why every suggestion can't/won't work, then we're in yabbut territory. That's when I "head for the border." (Yo quiero Taco Bell. )

In closing, Yah, I would like to have read the answers to my questions, But there are 373046 posts for me to sift through. Seriously, that is a lot of information! Not quite, but almost as annoying as the Yahbuttheads in life are the Woulda-Shoulda-Couldas. followed by the If-Onlys.

R

Yes, there's a TON of info here, and I don't think anyone could sift through it all in any reasonable amount of time to find the answer(s) they seek. Questions are never pooh-poohed here, no matter how repetitive they may be.

All we can do is lead the horse to water, not force them to drink. If their wish is to avoid therapy then wish them well and move on to those who really are looking for help.

Agreed, Taz, and that's exactly what I do. Offer advice. Get shot down with poor excuses. See the same pattern with others who are trying to help. Confirmed yabbut. Move onto another thread.

Can't help being annoyed by them, though, considering all the effort made to help them by the fine people here. I'm just venting a little, like my mask does.

[WearyOne]

Sometimes there are a lot of "ya butts" that are genuine...

I didn't necessarily express them here because I don't want to sound whiny, but when I first started treatment, this was my honest thinking in response to suggestions for sleeping with your mouth open:

Ya, but chin straps don't work and give me a headache. Ya, but taping makes me have panic attacks. Ya, but FF masks put pressure on my sinuses and drive me nuts. Ya, but nasal rinses don't work because they hurt my ears (a problem mentioned in the directions that came with it that says not to do the procedure if you get ear pain). Ya, but the Hybrid leaks so much at the bottom.

Then, low and behold, I read that someone (Rooster, I believe) had wonderful success with the Hybrid after cutting off the chin flap. THAT was the answer! I have never found a better mask than the Hybrid with the chin flap cut off!

Sometimes a person has a lot of honest, real ya-buts--mine were--before an answer for them is found.

Pam

[bdp522]

Ya, but chin straps don't work and give me a headache. Ya, but taping makes me have panic attacks. Ya, but FF masks put pressure on my sinuses and drive me nuts. Ya, but nasal rinses don't work because they hurt my ears (a problem mentioned in the directions that came with it that says not to do the procedure if you get ear pain). Ya, but the Hybrid leaks so much at the bottom.

Sounds like you tried these thing and found that they didn't work. I think the original post was about someone who won't even try the suggestions made. They just make excuses of why they won't/can't. When pushed they just say I won't do that. I will soon be putting that person on my foe list. I love coming here and trying to help others, kinda paying forward the help I got in the beginning and all I've been taught here. However I don't feel the need to waste my time on someone who has no intention of even attempting to help themselves.

Brenda

[karessamom]

I want to chime in here again, pardon me, but I spent alot of time in denial (probably like so many others) and it took alot of encouragement from all of you to get me off my lazy butt and to the dr. for my sleep test. For that I am VERY grateful! I came up with every excuse there was until I was all out. Sometimes that's what it takes. I don't know why I ignored my symptoms for so long because they were there --I kept refusing to believe it I guess because they weren't as obvious to me as my husband's were. I'm sure now that OSA doesn't effect everybody the same always. The basic symptoms are there but again the typical stereotypes aren't always true. Snoring, sometimes you don't, or at least it's not noticed as much. Overweight--not true necessarily although in both me and my husband it was. and there are other myths that sometimes don't hold true as well.