My friend died... and it could have been prevented

[krstms]

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I will keep you and her family in my prayers. Sounds like you have had a hard time lately. Thanks for sharing the story though, even though I know it is hard. It is things like this that help newbies like me to stay the course. After reading on this forum I have decided that cpap is my life from now on, period. There is no other choice for me.

[RestedRebel]

So sorry about your loss. I have found that as I talk to people about my own sleep apnea, some will tell me that they think they have it too. When I try to talk to them about getting tested, they don't want to and tell me they'd never be able to sleep with a mask on and air blowing into their face or nose. I remember those fears myself, but wish I could convince them to get tested.

My husband suffers from insomnia, even though he uses ambien. He's one of those who wakes up at 4 a.m. and can't sleep anymore. I suggested that he get tested for his 'sleep' disorder, and he retorts, "I don't have sleep apnea." I tell him that they are other sleep disorders besides apnea, but he closes his mind to any suggestions I might offer, nor will he exercise so as to get tired enough to sleep through the night.

Any suggestions?

[Issac]

[kaiasgram]

Tattoo,

In my psychotherapy practice, when someone comes in for the first time I always ask "how is your sleep?" as part of the intake. I have some clients who know they have sleep apnea, and some who suspect, but they don't want to "go there" with the treatment. I can't make them of course but I do my best to educate them about the long term effects of untreated apnea and how apnea could be contributing to any other medical conditions they may have, and even to the symptoms they're coming to me with, like anxiety and depression. Still I find the most common response is a non-response.

Today I was seeing a lovely young couple. I think it was only our 3rd or 4th session. In the middle of the session something was said that prompted me to ask more about the husband's sleep experience. He acknowledged snoring and suspected sleep apnea, but had been told by his doctor that based on his size and build he "couldn't have apnea." So, I talked with him about this for some time, and because he is in the same medical group that I am, I could tell him how sleep medicine works in that system and how he might be able to get a referral for a sleep study. Unlike many people who clearly don't want to pursue a diagnosis, this man was quite grateful for the time we took to address his sleep issues and he plans to email his doctor and ask for a sleep study.

So tattoo, keep talking to the people you care about. Because you never know, every once in a while you can see someone's eyes open and know that you have made a difference. The man I helped today is very young, so if he tests positive and gets on treatment now it will change the trajectory of his health as he gets older. And there will be someone, if there isn't already someone, whose life and health will be better because you kept talking.

Much love and support coming your way.

[2 B Sleeping Soundly]

That is a lot of sorrow and loss to process, my thoughts and prayers will be with you and your family. Please remember that you are stronger than you may think or feel at this moment and there truly can be better days ahead if you are able to find a way to wait out the pain and loss, though that may seem impossible while in the midst of it all.

Last year, in the months of October and November, my wife and I had similar experiences with deaths and multiple life threatening health issues in both of our families. At the time, we literally did not know if we would make it out of that tumultuous time alive, as we felt totally destroyed, completely empty, and forever weakened. It took time, lots of love, prayers, selfless help of our family and friends, and trying desperately to hold on to what little remained of our severely struggling faith, to make it through each and every day, to put one foot in front of the other.

A year later things have certainly changed for the better; they have much improved. Though the losses will never ever go away, the scars and damage from the health issues will forever be apparent, there is surprisingly a ever growing sense of life and what is really important. We found that it is not in the things we have now or will someday obtain, not in how we fit the image of success and/or worldly importance, not in always being right, in never showing weakness, or making sure our selfish needs are met before the needs of others.

Life for us now is what we make it, never more what we expect to be handed to us. It is in the incredible revelation that we some how survived that tumultuous time by amazingly not falling off of the cliffs edge, to now be holding tight to the real treasures of this life by bringing with us each day all of the love and memories, the shed tears and laughter, of those who we have lost. By rejoicing with the nearly fatally wounded who but for the grace of God still remain to share with us one more blessed day in the warm sun.

John

[cpaman]

I'm sorry about your loss.
I had similar experience. It was my father, it has been 10 years now. My mom said my dad always snored really loud when he slept. And on that very early morning he snored very loud. He passed away while asleep. He lived in a developing world where sleep study/CPAP is not known. I also heard similar thing happened to my friends husband. He snored really loud in very early morning and then found dead while sleeping. At that time, I didn't know anything about about CPAP, I first heard about CPAP 4 years ago in the US because of a friend telling me his experience of micro sleep while driving. I did a sleep study and it shows that I needed a CPAP machine. The CPAP machine helps me sleeps a lot better (and my wife, too). I never go anywhere without it. I'm encouraging my family/extended family to get sleep test/CPAP.

[OutaSync]

Kenny, how did your wife's surgery go?

[neallo]

I lost my father last February, but not due to apnea but cancer. Where my story relates offs back in the early '70s, my dad was scheduled for a sleep study but he had a cold and they sent him home and that was that. I found this out in the last three months since I started the process. I lived my whole life picking and joking BOUT his extremely loud snoring and falling asleep mid sentence, but I didn't know any better I was retarded with apnea respect. Knowing mom could have had a better sleep life of he had been diagnosed. Her sleep habit was to goto bed when she was exhausted and his snoring didn't bother her at that point. Yes he had apnea and I have no doubt about it.
I decided that I needed to figure out what's going on with me after my fiancee woke me up in a panic, yelling for me to breath(apparently a really bad songs event) I talked to a couple of people who have apnea and they said they never slept so good. Every night my fiancee would demand for me to tool over and away from her so she might sleep better.
Now she sleeps great, me not so much but I a am only into this process for one week many more to come I hope

So sorry for your loss my condolences to you and her family