Sleeping with a partner who wears CPAP

General Discussion on any topic relating to CPAP and/or Sleep Apnea.
imdreaming
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Sleeping with a partner who wears CPAP

Post by imdreaming » Sun Jan 20, 2013 1:41 am

I'll admit, I truly love him. But his Darth Vader mask is keeping me up at night. The little vent blows out cold air and gives me a chill. I didn't have sleep problems before he started to fix his.

I wear ear plugs to help block it out, but the mask does feel alienating.

Any tips for making a night with a partner in CPAP more romantic and connective?

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DavidCarolina
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Re: Sleeping with a partner who wears CPAP

Post by DavidCarolina » Sun Jan 20, 2013 1:45 am

The blowing air is preventable. My wife and i sleep me facing one wall, her the other. It works.

The hose can be insulated to prevent noise.

Finally, think of this as an essential medical procedure that is literally making life possible for him. Would you want
him to think the same for you if the situation was reversed?

He doesnt like having to do this either, but he's the one that has to hassle with it. Be thankful for the technology, not resentful.

"A thankful person is a happy person"

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RogerSC
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Re: Sleeping with a partner who wears CPAP

Post by RogerSC » Sun Jan 20, 2013 3:18 am

I'm not sure how romantic CPAP can be, but if you actually sleep, say 8 hours a day, there's 16 more hours that are not sleeping. Most people on CPAP work with those, I think. It's really not a difficult adjustment, but you'll need to make it, finding other times than actual sleep time to be romantic. That's my opinion, anyways, and it is based on my experiences *smile*.
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nanwilson
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Re: Sleeping with a partner who wears CPAP

Post by nanwilson » Sun Jan 20, 2013 9:42 am

How about putting a small pillow between you and the air flow...........there are lots of suggestions if you want to do a search. Go to the search box above and type in what you want to know. Please excuse me for being direct....but if it were me, its something I would overlook or make and effort to overcome....after all, he's is still alive and able to be your partner. If he were to die of a heart attack or stroke...then you would be like me...no husband to love and cuddle with.
Started cpap in 2010.. still at it with great results.

JohnO
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Re: Sleeping with a partner who wears CPAP

Post by JohnO » Sun Jan 20, 2013 10:48 am

Some masks have more forceful feeling air exhausts than others. Perhaps ask your mate to try a different mask? My Aloha, for example, seems to have a more annoying stream of exhaust air than my Philips Respironics masks. There are many different styles of masks out there: https://www.cpap.com/DisplayNewsletter/ ... LL-COMFORT

As far as the noise -- perhaps some other constant white noise to mask it? I have a small desk side fan running at night near the foot of the bed. It makes a nice gentle constant sound that helps mask the noise from the CPAP machine.

If his hose is not already covered, a low-cost fleece hose cozy can help reduce noise and make it less annoying to touch. Something like this: https://www.cpap.com/productpage/snuggl ... cover.html

As Nan mentioned, a small pillow between his head and your body may help too.

Good Luck!

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BlackSpinner
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Re: Sleeping with a partner who wears CPAP

Post by BlackSpinner » Sun Jan 20, 2013 10:53 am

imdreaming wrote:I'll admit, I truly love him. But his Darth Vader mask is keeping me up at night. The little vent blows out cold air and gives me a chill. I didn't have sleep problems before he started to fix his.

I wear ear plugs to help block it out, but the mask does feel alienating.

Any tips for making a night with a partner in CPAP more romantic and connective?
Turn over and use a pillow. A dead body beside you is far more alienating. Beds are for sleeping in, romance is what you do while awake.

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chunkyfrog
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Re: Sleeping with a partner who wears CPAP

Post by chunkyfrog » Sun Jan 20, 2013 12:46 pm

Learn to appreciate the things that are important--being together is #1.
A pillow or baby quilt (deflect--not block, the airflow) and think "outside the box":
Have him disconnect the hose before you "shag".
Wouldn't want to break anything while exploring your own "shades of gray".

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kteague
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Re: Sleeping with a partner who wears CPAP

Post by kteague » Sun Jan 20, 2013 2:19 pm

If it were always a hot summer night, there could be an advantage to having your own personal fan. Just kidding, but the vent does make a difference. At a sleep study once, I was given a mask that vented forcefully right on my arm, as I sleep with my arms bent and hands under my face. Drove me nuts. Put the sheet over my arm, the sheet flapped. Hardly slept at all more due to the mask than anything else. For years I've used a mask that vented upward, but that company went out of business. Been using this old mask over 2 years now and dreading the replacement for that very reason. Been down this road long enough though to be confident that I can adjust.

Any time anything changes with our sleep it can take a bit for our mind to adjust and begin sleeping through the new conditions. I'm guessing with the help of some of the tips above and a little time you will be back to sleeping just fine. Life can change on a dime. Try to treat this with the same attitude you'd hope he would treat any health changes with you. Good sleep is important to your health too, so I'm not going to say it's all about him. I can say that good relationships sort through this kind of stuff and once you are sleeping well again, his equipment with its irritations will dim in importance. Nothing is fun when we're not sleeping well.

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jencat824
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Re: Sleeping with a partner who wears CPAP

Post by jencat824 » Sun Jan 20, 2013 4:21 pm

JohnO wrote:Some masks have more forceful feeling air exhausts than others. Perhaps ask your mate to try a different mask? My Aloha, for example, seems to have a more annoying stream of exhaust air than my Philips Respironics masks. There are many different styles of masks out there: https://www.cpap.com/DisplayNewsletter/ ... LL-COMFORT

As far as the noise -- perhaps some other constant white noise to mask it? I have a small desk side fan running at night near the foot of the bed. It makes a nice gentle constant sound that helps mask the noise from the CPAP machine.

If his hose is not already covered, a low-cost fleece hose cozy can help reduce noise and make it less annoying to touch. Something like this: https://www.cpap.com/productpage/snuggl ... cover.html

As Nan mentioned, a small pillow between his head and your body may help too.

Good Luck!
I would try to adjust, but I would NOT ask him to change masks if he is having success with this one. If HE suggests changing masks for his needs, then perhaps you can help him with the selection. Its hard for us hoseheads to find masks to meet our needs for therapy that are comfortable & don't leak. I would not ask my hubby to change his mask to suit me. Nor do I think he would ask me to change mine. Now that we are both on the hose, he better understands what I've been thru for the last 12 yrs. That's just my opinion.
Jen

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kaiasgram
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Re: Sleeping with a partner who wears CPAP

Post by kaiasgram » Sun Jan 20, 2013 5:16 pm

imdreaming, hello and welcome. Give your partner and yourself some time to adjust and work out the details. CPAP does pose some challenges in the bedroom but there are some great workarounds and I'm sure more people will chime in with their suggestions and solutions for not letting cpap be a barrier to intimacy in bed. Best wishes.

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Last edited by kaiasgram on Sun Jan 20, 2013 11:57 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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ughwhatname
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Re: Sleeping with a partner who wears CPAP

Post by ughwhatname » Sun Jan 20, 2013 5:22 pm

Does anyone know why the vent needs to be at the front of the mask? I'm dreaming of a mask with an exhaust hose connected to the main hose which sends the exhaust air out somewhere near the machine, and not on my arm, or against the pillow or blanket.

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quietmorning
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Re: Sleeping with a partner who wears CPAP

Post by quietmorning » Sun Jan 20, 2013 5:55 pm

My husband plays a sweet game of 'kissing around the mask'. Sometimes I surprise him by lifting up the mask and giving him a smooch right between the eyes, then on the lips.

White noise does a wonderful job for both me and him to sleep through my darth vader sound. We use a fan in the summer and my air purifier in the winter - there are a LOT of options out there.

Spoon!! A gal can spoon her hubby just as well as a guy can spoon!!

And like everyone else says, he's alive thanks to this machine. His chances for becoming a stroke victim, ie: vegetable go down substantially with each use. It's necessary. This is what love is. . .loving the person through their hardships. . .and as you get older, trust me, you will have as many of your own that you will hope someone will love you through.

Wear a light t-shirt with sleeves if the air bothers you. My own vent bothers ME as it blows DOWN (to keep from effecting my mate) and it gets my arms. . .so I bought some very soft long sleeve tshirts from LL Bean, and it solved the problem. They are light enough to wear in the summer.

Ask him to ask his DME about maybe changing to a mask that also blows down. . .or some blow out the top of the head. . .weird, I know. . .but it works for some. Can't hurt to ask, the worst that will happen is you'll get a 'no'.
Last edited by quietmorning on Sun Jan 20, 2013 8:09 pm, edited 2 times in total.

JO'M
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Re: Sleeping with a partner who wears CPAP

Post by JO'M » Sun Jan 20, 2013 7:57 pm

I hate the exhaust blowing on me and it was one of my requirements to find a mask that wouldn't blow on me. If he is open to trying a new mask, I suggest the ESON, it has a diffuser and you can barely feel the air.

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chunkyfrog
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Re: Sleeping with a partner who wears CPAP

Post by chunkyfrog » Sun Jan 20, 2013 8:06 pm

Only one mask works for my husband; I wouldn't dream of suggesting he change.
I'm so grateful he wears it.
I just push a corner of the comforter up behind my neck.

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1720a519
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Re: Sleeping with a partner who wears CPAP

Post by 1720a519 » Sun Jan 20, 2013 9:02 pm

I was hoping to read responses from people who have had success with masks which vent in a direction which doesn't disrupt their partner. I flip from side to side during the night, and my original mask (F&P Zest I think ) would blow in my wife's face. We tried a small pillow and a couple other things but they got moved or didn't seem to work. The noise doesn't bother her but the blowing does, so I figured why not try another brand of mask to see if one works both of us.

I've been using the Sleepweaver masks for about two years. I really wanted it to work, I like how flexible, it doesn't blow at my partner and really fold up easy to travel. I like the Sleepweaver masks, but I just don't think they work for me. I am always shifting it around to stop leaks. So after two years I am back to my original mask. CPAP.Com has about 60 Nasal masks, there have got to be some which vent differently. I don't mind buying a couple masks out of pocket to try different ones, but I don't know how I even know which to try. I am surprised that "Partner friendly" isn't in the specification list like "TV Friendly" and other requirements.