OT: Daily Funny bone

[ameriken]

50 children's books that never made it to the bookstore.

1. You are Different and That’s Bad

2. Take a Walk Down the Railroad Tracks with Me

3. Dad’s New Wife ‘Greg’

4. Fun Four-Letter Words to Know and Share

5. Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An "I-Can-Do-It" Book:

6. A Children's Guide to Hitchhiking

7. Kathy Was So Bad Her Mommy Stopped Loving Her

8. Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence

9. All Cats Go to Hell

10. How to Kick Ass At School

11. Some Kittens Can Fly

12. Adoption: A Fresh Start

13. Grandpa's new Casket

14. Fun With Abandoned Refrigerators

15. Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia

16. The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy

17. Strangers Have the Best Candy

18. Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get your Way

19. Why You Were An Accident

20. Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will

21. "Pop! Goes the Hamster", And Other Great Microwave Games

22. The Man in the Moon is Actually Satan

23. Nightmares: Be Afraid, Be Very Afraid

24. A Child's Guide to Final Arrangments

25. Eggs, Toilet paper, and your School

26. Why Can’t Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?

27. Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things

28. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry

29. The Surprise at the Bottom of the Pool

30. If It Feels Good, Touch It!

31. Making Grown-Up Friends On The Internet

32. 101 Fun Games To Play In The Road

33. You Can’t Help It If You’re Stupid

34. Patty Went Splat! (Don’t YOU Forget Your Seatbelt)

35. Bullies Have More Fun

36. Mommy’s Got A New Baby To Love

37. Timmy’s The Wrong Color To Be Your Friend

38. I Dare You! 101 Challenges To Prove You’re Not A Sissy

39. Michael Jackson’s “Fun” Place

40. Harry Potter and the Stoned Sorcerer

41. The Care Bears maul some campers

42. Who’s My Daddy?

43. Fatherhood: A Guide for the Adolescent

44. Small Objects and Electrical Outlets

45. Different Daddies Each Day of the Week

46. Operation and Nomenclature of the Colt 1911-A1 .45 ACP

47. Little Hands, Big Toasters

48. How To Make A Plastic Bag Space Helmet

49. Santa Claus And Other Lies Your Parents Told You

50. Fun With Things Under The Kitchen Sink

Edited #21 for Chunky Frog

[Perrybucsdad]

A blonde is watching the news with her husband when the newscaster says
6 Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident.

The blonde starts crying to her husband, sobbing 'That's horrible.'

Confused, he says, 'Yes dear, it is sad, but they were skydiving and
there is that risk involved.'

After a few minutes, the blonde, still sobbing, says, 'How many is a
Brazilian?

[chunkyfrog]

Ameriken:
Hysterical--except for #21!

[Starlette]

*Covers Chunky's eyes shielding her from viewing anymore gross frog jokes*

[ameriken]

So I edited #21 to keep peace in the cpaptalk family.

[Starlette]

Ameriken, you gotta change it again
I grew up on hamsters *cries*
In fact, I still remember the last one I had at age 16, white with golden pantaloons. I named him Sidney *cries even harder*

[ameriken]

Now we know why those are childrens books that didn't make it!!!

[idamtnboy]

*Covers Chunky's eyes shielding her from viewing anymore gross frog jokes*

Rotten humor, in word or deed, is undoubtedly as old as humanity.

I remember my mother telling me that when she and her brother were children (about 95 years ago when rural life was different!) they used to find a dry hollow weed that would work for a straw. They'd catch a frog from the pond, stick the straw into the you-know-where, blow them full of air, and then toss them back into the pond. She didn't say how long it was before the frog could swim underwater again. They just got a kick out of watching the frog try to go down, but of course was too buoyant to do so. At least they didn't kill them.

[Starlette]

@ Ameriken *taps Ameriken on the shoulder* In the defense of hamsters, I changed my avatar

[idamtnboy]

I changed my avatar

Me too. Oh the sheer pleasure of enjoying a Twinkie!

[Starlette]

OK Ameriken, the pressure is on!!! That makes "Two" Hamster avatars!!!
Anyone else????

btw Mtnboy: Thank you for supporting hamsters

[idamtnboy]

OK Ameriken, the pressure is on!!! That makes "Two" Hamster avatars!!!
Anyone else????

btw Mtnboy: Thank you for supporting hamsters

Sorry, that's a chipmunk - out in the wild mountains of central Idaho. Hamster relative, maybe??? The cuteness of your hamster reminded me of the pics and video I have of the chipmunk enjoying a piece of Twinkie one of us in the group tossed him. One of the cutest things I've ever seen in the wild.

[Starlette]

I kept thinking that might be a chipmunk, especially with the tail. However, I wasn't going press it.
Relative to the hamster, indeed! Small slim body, loves to eat, cute, yeah I'd say a relative to the hamster.
Still makes two!

@ Mtnboy - Again, thank you for supporting hamsters

[Perrybucsdad]

The Pastors Wife

The pastor's wife was expecting a baby, so he stood before the congregation and asked for a raise. After much discussion, the congregation passed a rule that whenever the pastor's family expanded; so would his paycheck....After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the pastor's expanding salary....A great deal of yelling and inner bickering ensued, as to how much the pastor's additional children were costing
the church, and how much more it could potentially cost....After listening to them for about an hour, the pastor rose from his chair and spoke, "Children are
a gift from God, and we will take as many gifts as He gives us."...Silence fell over the congregation. In the back pew, a little old lady struggled to stand,
and finally said in her frail voice, "Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much of it, we wear rubbers."

The entire congregation said, "Amen

[2 B Sleeping Soundly]

LOL! As Larry the Cable Guy likes to say..."I don't care who you are, That's Funny"!