OT: Daily Funny bone

General Discussion on any topic relating to CPAP and/or Sleep Apnea.
mayondair
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Re: OT: Daily Funny bone

Post by mayondair » Thu Mar 22, 2012 7:56 pm

A married couple in their early 60s was celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant. Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table. She said, 'For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.'

The wife answered, 'Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband
The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.

The husband thought for a moment: 'Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.

The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish.

So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!...the husband became 92 years old.

The moral of this story: Men who are ungrateful b-stards should remember fairies are female...
Any landing you walk away from is a good one; if you don't break your airplane it's excellent.

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NightMonkey
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Scale of the universe

Post by NightMonkey » Mon Apr 09, 2012 2:29 pm

Not a funny but a fascinating web page - http://htwins.net/scale2/scale2.swf?bordercolor=white

Take some time scrolling in and out.

This is not a virus or scam.
NightMonkey
Blow my oropharynx!

the hairy, hairy gent who ran amok in Kent

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ChicagoGranny
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Re: OT: Daily Funny bone

Post by ChicagoGranny » Tue Apr 17, 2012 6:22 am

is too funny to be dirty -


enjoy!


The husband leans over and asks


his wife, 'Do you remember the first time we had


sex together over fifty years ago? We went


behind the village tavern where you leaned


against the back fence and I made love to


you.'


Yes, she says, 'I remember it


well.'


OK,' he says, 'How about taking a


stroll around there again and we can do it for


old time's sake?'


Oh Jim, you old devil,


that sounds like a crazy, but good


idea!'


A police officer sitting in the


next booth heard their conversation and, having


a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've


got to see these two old-timers having sex


against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them


so there's no trouble. So he follows


them.


The elderly couple walks haltingly


along, leaning on each other for support aided


by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back


of the tavern and make their way to the fence


The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man


drops his trousers. As she leans against the


fence, the old man moves in.. Then suddenly they


erupt into the most furious sex that the


policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about


ten minutes while both are making loud noises


and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both


collapse, panting on the ground.


The


policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned


something about life and old age that he didn't


know..


After about half an hour of lying


on the ground recovering, the old couple


struggle to their feet and put their clothes


back on. The policeman, is still watching and


thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've


got to ask them what their secret


is.


So,


as the couple passes, he says to them,' Excuse


me, but that was something else. You must've had


a fantastic sex life together. Is there some


sort of secret to this?'


Shaking,


the old man is barely able to


reply,





'Fifty


years agothat wasn't


an electric


fence.

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Catnapper
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Re: OT: Daily Funny bone

Post by Catnapper » Sat Apr 21, 2012 9:51 am

Read it out loud.

There once was a fella named Clyde
Who fell in an outhouse and died.
His brother, Carother, fell in another,
So they lay INTERRED, side by side.

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NightMonkey
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Re: OT: Daily Funny bone

Post by NightMonkey » Wed May 23, 2012 5:39 am

Image
NightMonkey
Blow my oropharynx!

the hairy, hairy gent who ran amok in Kent

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user from Singapore
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Re: OT: Daily Funny bone

Post by user from Singapore » Wed May 23, 2012 6:32 am

The Awesome Power of a Wife's Love


A very old man lay dying in his bed; when he smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs.

He gathered his remaining strength and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort forced himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands. With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven.

There, literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies were spread out on newspaper on the kitchen table. Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

Mustering one great final effort, he heaved himself toward the table. His aged and withered hand, shaking, made its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when he was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife. "Stay out of those," she said. "They're for the funeral.”

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user from Singapore
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Re: OT: Daily Funny bone

Post by user from Singapore » Thu May 24, 2012 7:02 am

A traveling salesman's car breaks down in the middle of nowhere. He gets out and tries to find something close by -- and comes upon a farm. Not believing his luck, he knocks on the door, and a farmer answers. "Sir," says the salesman. "Could you help me? My car's broken down, and I need a place to stay for the night."
"Sure," says the farmer. "But I only have one bed, and my very, very ugly daughter sleeps there."
"Oh, crap," says the salesman. "I'm in the wrong joke."

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NightMonkey
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Riddle

Post by NightMonkey » Fri May 25, 2012 4:48 am

A man was walking along the shore of a perfectly round lake with a one kilometer diameter. The lake is 20 meters deep at all points.

He sees some friends fishing in the very middle of the lake and calls out to them. They answer, "Come out and fish with us."

So he walks out to them and begins fishing with them.

What type of fishing gear were they using?
NightMonkey
Blow my oropharynx!

the hairy, hairy gent who ran amok in Kent

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chunkyfrog
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Re: OT: Daily Funny bone

Post by chunkyfrog » Fri May 25, 2012 8:12 am

2 2

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user from Singapore
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Re: OT: Daily Funny bone

Post by user from Singapore » Fri May 25, 2012 11:26 pm

chunkyfrog wrote:2 2



I guess i haven't been long enough on this forum to understand

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user from Singapore
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Re: OT: Daily Funny bone

Post by user from Singapore » Fri May 25, 2012 11:35 pm

For Papit


A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.

Engineer: What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!

Doctor: I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!

Pastor: Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him. [dramatic pause] Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?

George: Oh, yes, that's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.

The group was silent for a moment.

Pastor: That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.

Doctor: Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them.

Engineer: Why can't these guys play at night?

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Papit
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Re: OT: Daily Funny bone

Post by Papit » Sun May 27, 2012 7:44 pm

More about Golf, for Singapore

 A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. Indeed, the ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in evident agony.
 The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. She explained that she was a physical therapist: "Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd just allow me!" she told him earnestly.
 "Ummph, oooh, nnooo, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes," he replied breathlessly as he remained in the fetal position still clasping his hands together at his crotch. But she persisted, and he finally allowed her to help him.
 She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, she loosened his pants, and she put her hands inside. After a nice long massage she asked him, "How does that feel?" To which he replied: "It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like hell!"

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user from Singapore
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Re: OT: Daily Funny bone

Post by user from Singapore » Sun May 27, 2012 8:31 pm

A classic

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user from Singapore
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Re: OT: Daily Funny bone

Post by user from Singapore » Sun May 27, 2012 8:33 pm

Irish specials



Paddy calls Easyjet to book a flight.

The operator asks "How many people are flying with you?"

Paddy replies "I don't know! It's your bloody plane!"
________________________________________


Paddy and Murphy are working on a building site.
Paddy says to Murphy "I'm gonna have the day off.
I'm gonna pretend I'm mad!"
He climbs up the rafters, hangs upside down and shouts

"I'M A LIGHT BULB! I'M A LIGHT BULB!"

Murphy watches in amazement!

The Foreman shouts "Paddy you're mad, go home"

So he leaves the site.

Murphy starts packing his kit up to leave as well.

"Where the hell are you going?" asks the Foreman.

"I can't work in the dark!" says Murphy.
________________________________________


Two Irish couples decided to swap partners for the night.

After 3 hours of amazing sex, Paddy says "I wonder how the girls are getting on".
________________________________________

Paddy takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night.
She undresses, lies on the bed spread-eagled and says
"You know what I want, don't you?"


"Yeah," says Paddy. "The whole bed by the looks of it!"
________________________________________

Paddy, the electrician, got sacked from the U.S. prison service for not servicing the electric chair.

He said in his professional opinion it was a death trap!
________________________________________

Paddy, the Irish boyfriend of the woman whose head was found on Arbroath beach was asked to identify her.

A detective held up the head to which point Paddy said "I don't think that's her, she wasn't that tall!"
________________________________________
Paddy and his wife are lying in bed and the neighbours' dog is barking like mad in the garden.

Paddy says "To hell with this!" and storms off.

He comes back upstairs 5 minutes later and his wife asks "What did you do?"

Paddy replies "I've put the dog in our garden. Let's see how they like it!"
________________________________________

Paddy is said to be shocked at finding out all his cows have Bluetongue.

"Be Jeysus!" he said, "I didn't even know they had mobile phones!"
________________________________________


Mick and Paddy are reading head stones at a nearby cemetery.

Mick says "Crikey! There's a bloke here who was 152!"

Paddy says "What's his name?"

Mick replies "Miles, from London !"

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Kody
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Re: OT: Daily Funny bone

Post by Kody » Mon May 28, 2012 1:38 pm

A woman is in a coma, and the nurse tending to her notices that whenever she is sponge bathing the woman, the woman’s vital signs jump a little on all of the machines and screens. So the nurse calls the husband and says ’come down to the hospital, I think I know how to get your wife out of this coma.’ so the husband hurries down, and asks the nurse what he can do. The nurse says, ’ I think that oral sex will bring her out of her coma, it will arrouse her enough to bring her out of the coma.’ so the nurse closes the curtains, and leaves the husband with his wife in the room. Moments later, the man comes running out of the room, flustered. The nurse, worried, asks him what happened. the husband says, ’I don’t know, I think that she started choking.’
Complex Sleep Apnea