A CPAP Failure
Posted: Thu Oct 13, 2005 1:32 pm
Have to admit I was one those kids that never paid attention in school. I fondly remember those wonderful film strips where I could a nap in bliss. Each time the record beeped to switch the frame I would switch dreams. To this day whenever I hear the beep for leaving my message on a phone I start to doze. Who knew those moments of repose would come back to haunt me in my adult life?
It all started out when my doctor told me I failed my physical exam. I went in without even knowing I would be graded. After begging and pleading to do anything for extra credit, he finally agreed to me taking more tests. Remembering my less than sterling academic career I offered to wax his car and pay double my bill. That glint in his eye as he told me more testing was the only way, told me I would be I would be paying much more than double.
The weeks before my first test I studied sleep so hard. Often practicing my technique many times throughout the day. Not sure if I was going to be scored on duration or style off I went to the internet to find out all I could. So thus armed, I took my admission slip and headed off to the lab.
I should of known I was in real trouble when I went to the wrong room for my exam. So proud of the wide eye look of awe on the receptionist’s face when I flaunted my vast knowledge declaring I was here for my “PAP test”. I had just gotten into the stirrups and was looking for where to put in my quarter when a nurse asked me if I should be there.
Just a little embarrassed I shuffled down the hall to the “Lab”. Things were really looking up when they handed me my graduation gown even before I started the test. I knew these guys seriously frowned on cheating when they wired me for the full body lie detector. Armed with my number 2 pencil, counting on my skill at making Christmas tree patterns for multiple choice exams, I prepared to be tested.
Imagining my delight when I found out it was going to be an oral exam. The voice in the speaker was asking me questions that I knew every answer to. Why was I so worried? So I nestled into the rubber sheets and settled done for the practical part of the test where I could really strut my stuff.
A couple months later my doctor finally was ready to give me my grade. Looking over the results I was sure I scored well considering all those AIs and AHIs. My jaw truly dropped when the doctor told me I got OSA. I mean how bad do you have to be to get so much lower than an F?
Failing really wasn’t my fault. How do they expect a guy to sleep when the lab depressurizes and they have to run in and slap an emergency oxygen mask on you? No matter how much I swore I wasn’t cheating they kept sending the proctor in to strap the detector down tighter.
All these protests fell on deaf ears as the Doctor told me I would have to do a home course to improve my sleep. So here I am taking remedial sleeping and one day I know I will pass the test. If only his pager hadn’t beeped when he was instructing me on how to put on the mask. I don’t think all this blowing in my ear is really that helpful.
It all started out when my doctor told me I failed my physical exam. I went in without even knowing I would be graded. After begging and pleading to do anything for extra credit, he finally agreed to me taking more tests. Remembering my less than sterling academic career I offered to wax his car and pay double my bill. That glint in his eye as he told me more testing was the only way, told me I would be I would be paying much more than double.
The weeks before my first test I studied sleep so hard. Often practicing my technique many times throughout the day. Not sure if I was going to be scored on duration or style off I went to the internet to find out all I could. So thus armed, I took my admission slip and headed off to the lab.
I should of known I was in real trouble when I went to the wrong room for my exam. So proud of the wide eye look of awe on the receptionist’s face when I flaunted my vast knowledge declaring I was here for my “PAP test”. I had just gotten into the stirrups and was looking for where to put in my quarter when a nurse asked me if I should be there.
Just a little embarrassed I shuffled down the hall to the “Lab”. Things were really looking up when they handed me my graduation gown even before I started the test. I knew these guys seriously frowned on cheating when they wired me for the full body lie detector. Armed with my number 2 pencil, counting on my skill at making Christmas tree patterns for multiple choice exams, I prepared to be tested.
Imagining my delight when I found out it was going to be an oral exam. The voice in the speaker was asking me questions that I knew every answer to. Why was I so worried? So I nestled into the rubber sheets and settled done for the practical part of the test where I could really strut my stuff.
A couple months later my doctor finally was ready to give me my grade. Looking over the results I was sure I scored well considering all those AIs and AHIs. My jaw truly dropped when the doctor told me I got OSA. I mean how bad do you have to be to get so much lower than an F?
Failing really wasn’t my fault. How do they expect a guy to sleep when the lab depressurizes and they have to run in and slap an emergency oxygen mask on you? No matter how much I swore I wasn’t cheating they kept sending the proctor in to strap the detector down tighter.
All these protests fell on deaf ears as the Doctor told me I would have to do a home course to improve my sleep. So here I am taking remedial sleeping and one day I know I will pass the test. If only his pager hadn’t beeped when he was instructing me on how to put on the mask. I don’t think all this blowing in my ear is really that helpful.