Any good CPAP jokes?

Wulfman · Post by **Wulfman** » Wed Aug 10, 2005 2:57 pm

To all the brain-dead "sleep doctors" and clueless DME suppliers out there.....with regard to the information about sleep apnea, the equipment and other related subjects that I've gained from the fine folks at CPAP.COM and CPAPTALK.COM.....let me say this.....I've upped MY knowledge......UP YOURS!!!

sir_cumference · Post by **sir_cumference** » Thu Aug 11, 2005 3:45 am

wulfman ... very good

sir_c

sir_cumference · Post by **sir_cumference** » Thu Aug 11, 2005 5:00 am

CPAP Dictionary – Explanation of Words and Phrases for OSA Sufferers (UK English version – some phrases may not mean a great deal to those in the colonies )

Karaktoa = getting out of bed too quickly and accidentally kicking you CPAP machine

Feeling High = finding a mask that doesn’t leak

NBA = Notice Board (like this one) Addict

Blow me! = switching on your CPAP machine

Breeze = annoying jet of air directed at your partner

Sorted! = Untangling your hose

Well bad! = severe rainout

Scum = the effects of sneezing into your mask when infected with a bad cold

420 = the number of threads and posts read before finally deciding to purchase a puritan Bennett machine!

Slapper = dealing with your wife’s snoring before she received CPAP treatment

Wicked = wearing a mask that has a hose coming out over the top of your head (should be pronounced Wick – ‘ed)

STINKY = Some Times I Need KY (jelly) (for my nares of course!)

sir_cumference (not to be confused with sir-cumnavigation or his druggy evil twin sir_real )

Please feel free to add to the above!!

dsm · Post by **dsm** » Thu Aug 11, 2005 7:46 pm

Sir Cumference, Have you seen the hit counter for this thread that you started.

Seems to be the 'hit' of the party.

Good work.

Cheers

DSM

WAFlowers · Post by **WAFlowers** » Thu Aug 11, 2005 9:12 pm

That is because all xPAP users need a good laugh. And there have been some very good laughs here!

P.S. Like my new avatar? That's Roxy wearing my Tilley T3 (http://www.tilley.com). We got her from Florida Poodle Rescue.

Flower51 · Post by **Flower51** » Thu Aug 11, 2005 9:48 pm

Beautiful LDuyer! Terry

sir_cumference · Post by **sir_cumference** » Fri Aug 12, 2005 6:29 am

Thanks for the vote of confidence dsm

And Bill, I love the poodle! Although I hear they can be a little bit disobedient as a breed! (we have a boarder terrier and he's great - he even obeys me sometimes ... well, occasionally anyway!)

So here is the next poetry post - hope you enjoy!

Rain(out) by sir_cumference

The rain in Spain may fall on the plain
But the rain in my mask is a pain all the same!
It runs and dribbles and gurgles and splutters
Soaking my lips and making me mutter
Grabbing a Kleenex – the duvet will do
If it doesn’t stop soon it’ll make me feel blue!
It’s soggy and dribbly and drips on my pillow
I’d steal my wife’s but she’d notice the puddle!
But what should I do I need this wet air?
I’ll buy a canoe and just sleep in there!

sir_cumference (sometime soggy! )

WAFlowers · Post by **WAFlowers** » Fri Aug 12, 2005 7:28 am

sir_cumference wrote:And Bill, I love the poodle! Although I hear they can be a little bit disobedient as a breed! (we have a boarder terrier and he's great - he even obeys me sometimes ... well, occasionally anyway!)

Roxy appears to be a mini-poodle / bichon mix with the best traits of both breeds. She does look a bit peculiar with the shorter bichon legs on what appears to be a heavy-set poodle body.

We've had poodles over 20 years (even longer if you consider the family dog when I was a teen). I've found that a disobedient poodle is a sign of an owner who doesn't properly control their animal. Owners need to establish and work to maintain a dominant alpha role or their authority will be undermined in subtle ways.

The breed is very intelligent and, like a child, will be inventive in getting away with anything it can. They'll play passive-aggressive games like pretending not to hear you. So keeping control of them can be demanding. However they are very loyal and loving and full of personality, so the rewards are great.

BTW, loved the poem. Wonderful chuckle for a Friday. I'll have to get back to work on "The Titration of Bill the Geek" soon.

Flower51 · Post by **Flower51** » Fri Aug 12, 2005 8:40 am

I haven't exp that kind of rainout yet and hope with cold weather coming in the fall I don't! Your sleeping in a canoe is a good idea though

How funny to read about my little dog Angel right here! Passive aggressive deafness? Yep that explains things. Problem is she's 18 now and this poodle/beagle/terrier (what a combo!) mix IS partially deaf for real now that age has caught up w/her. I can stand right in front of her calling her name and she doesn't hear me....a little blind too but happy as a clam and bossing the other two BIG dogs around so they know their place in the pack!

Speaking of dogs....I'm careful to hang my hose and nasal air canula away from pooches reach as our "middle dog" (dalmation/lab/German shorthair pointer mix) Bootsie, retrieved my dh's dental partials right off the large bedroom dresser and decided they were too delicious to resist chewing up and swallowing! That was over a hundred dollar lesson in "partial placement".....A new take on "my dog ate my homework".....Terry

Flower51 · Post by **Flower51** » Fri Aug 12, 2005 9:35 pm

Be careful about reading health books. You may
die of a misprint.
- Mark Twain

flower51 terry · Post by **flower51 terry** » Sun Mar 19, 2006 10:28 pm

that last post was total spam

NightHawkeye · Post by **NightHawkeye** » Tue Mar 21, 2006 10:08 am

Ya gotta love this thread though.

Regards,
Bill

Wulfman · Post by **Wulfman** » Tue Mar 21, 2006 10:24 am

NightHawkeye wrote:Ya gotta love this thread though.

Regards,
Bill

You betcha!

I love some of these old threads the spammers keep dragging up.

Den

NightHawkeye · Post by **NightHawkeye** » Tue Mar 21, 2006 10:52 am

Wulfman wrote:To all the brain-dead "sleep doctors" and clueless DME suppliers out there.....with regard to the information about sleep apnea, the equipment and other related subjects that I've gained from the fine folks at CPAP.COM and CPAPTALK.COM.....let me say this.....I've upped MY knowledge......UP YOURS!!!

This one of yours was the one that got my attention. It's a classic, Den. I didn't know you had it in ya.

Regards,
Bill

Wulfman · Post by **Wulfman** » Tue Mar 21, 2006 10:55 am

Bill,

Inside me there's one "WILD AND CRAZY GUY" trying to get out......

Den

Any good CPAP jokes?

Sir Cumference - stats

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