Escaping from the "sick role"

[lilsheba]

And if you don't mind replying, Lilsheba, how did successful sleep therapy impact on a) your work and b) your home life/recreational life?

I'm managing so much better at work I don't believe it, I am energetic and alert. At home I have not improved so much, and also at work I think I have to work harder than others at remembering everything and managing my time.

I am beginning to wonder whether I have an attention disorder (which can lead to very intense focussing on activities as well as inappropriate innattention)

http://www.news-medical.net/?id=5850

I would say it had a dramatic impact on my work life. I would not be able to go through the days I described in that earlier post if it wasn't for CPAP. As for home life it hasn't helped too much there yet but I think that's because I'm working so much I just don't have anything left over. So while it is providing a lot more energy it's all being used up at work

[krousseau]

Well Moby, as a nurse you know the "sick role" jargon. For a long time you experienced and enjoyed the secondary gains of being unwell. Its tough giving up the benefits of being sick. Can you see if/how the current situation is affecting your self esteem and joy in living? You may think it trivial but it could be worthwhile going for some counseling to try to return to a richer state of health and function.

[WillCunningham]

This is an interesting discussion. I found myself in a similar situation where I had found ways to make life and recreation work even though I was so totally exhausted. There wasn't a ton of reason to change things too much after I started feeling better. There is an amount of fear involved that you will push too far too fast, but sometimes you can be pleasantly surprised.

My cpap therapy made a huge difference in my energy level...but I didn't realize it at first. I didn't put the pieces together until I discovered I was able to do with out caffeine and not pass out against my will, that was like a revelation.

It took me a much longer time to regain my confidence that I was back to 100% at work too, and as a computer programmer that was fairly scary. I had pretty much lost the ability to think clearly enough to program effectively, cpap definitely saved my career.

One thing that I read recently that seems to fit really well into my experience is that sleep depervation seems to increase your feelings of aches and pains. I do look at it as a negativity multiplier, I will feel awful for a few days, then get a good night sleep and feel great...even though nothing else really changed.

[RosemaryB]

The way I used to cope was to be a workaholic. My life centered around my job. It had to, since I have no other means of support. I gave up social contacts because I was too fried outside work to have much meaningful social life. Plus my house was always a mess.

When my kids were younger I was first a stay at home mom and that was all I could manage. I did a decent job there, considering. When I became a single mom, I was less good, because I had to work full time and had little money. I still loved my kids a lot, but could only do so much. When they grew up, my life revolved around my job. On weekends I had thhe sick role. I still did the basics, cooking and cleaning, but no time for frills. People at work always thought I did a good job because I got conscientious and paid very close attention to details. This is a somewhat obsessive, driven way to function, based in anxiety. I see it now and still do things that way that I learned much of the time.

Very slowly, I find I am relaxing somewhat. I look around me at the world and sometimes, I don't feel as anxious about what I have to do and what I might miss. Very slightly, bit by bit, I find myself less driven than I learned to be.

I don't get quite enough sleep these days, but when I get 7 1/2 or more hours I feel really wonderful. My next challenge is to try to get that much sleep regularly. I'm not sure I will be able to do more than I did before, workwise. There are still 24 hrs in a day and 7 days in a week. But the quality of those days and nights has increased dramatically.

I like the tone on some of the threads about giving myself space. I think I need to unlearn the driven feeling, even though I do need to continue to work many more than 40 hrs/week for financial reasons. I'm hoping to work in a more laid back way, though still effective.

[j.a.taylor]

The way I used to cope was to be a workaholic. My life centered around my job.

. . . People at work always thought I did a good job because I got conscientious and paid very close attention to details. This is a somewhat obsessive, driven way to function, based in anxiety. I see it now and still do things that way that I learned much of the time.

. . . I don't get quite enough sleep these days, but when I get 7 1/2 or more hours I feel really wonderful. My next challenge is to try to get that much sleep regularly. I'm not sure I will be able to do more than I did before, workwise. There are still 24 hrs in a day and 7 days in a week. But the quality of those days and nights has increased dramatically.

I like the tone on some of the threads about giving myself space. I think I need to unlearn the driven feeling, even though I do need to continue to work many more than 40 hrs/week for financial reasons. I'm hoping to work in a more laid back way, though still effective.

Rosemary,

I can really relate to what you're talking about. It's interesting how differently we all respond to lack of sleep, the stress around us, and our own inner anxiety.

I felt like I was reading my story as I read your post. I still struggle with the workaholic thing. Part of it is that I have so much responsibility in my position, part of it is that I'm given so much responsibility, because people know that I'll get the job done, and part of it is that I take so much responsibility because I'm really comfortable with doing things that way. It gives me an excuse to avoid other issues of life.

This behavior, in the past, has kept me from enjoying large periods of my life. Often, I didn't recognize how precious those moments were until they were long past (like my daughters as they were growing up--I missed too many moments that I should have taken time to cherish).

So that's why I've began to learn how to give myself that "sacred space;" to recognize that I need to take time to enjoy the moment, and give myself permission to do it.

It's not easy, it's a constant struggle, but the challenges are more easily confronted now that I'm dealing with some of the physical things in my life (like apnea, etc.). And I'm surround with good people (including a boss and coworkers) who are bold enough to tell me to slow down.

[RosemaryB]

It's always confirming to hear other people's stories. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Yes, keeping some space sacred seems a very important thing to do. When I have time off, I feel like a different person, even before cpap.

But, I'm also focusing on the feeling of relaxing even when I'm doing a lot, since I need to continue to work, sometimes many, many more hours than 40/week. Before cpap, I could never relax, since I needed that adrenalin to keep me from falling into a stupor. In a previous job, before cpap, I tried relaxing my state more at work and continuing to work, but when I did that, I got some joking comments that I seemed spacey and was I ok? I think my brain tended to fall asleep without the adrenalin and people could tell. I thought I was relaxing, though . When I tried formal relaxation, like yoga, I would fall asleep, so hard to get the wakeful and at the same time relaxed state. Either full bore or shut down completely, I guess. Too many extremes.

When I reflect on it, I realize that I have led a life that was focused on work. I'm slowly learning how to relax, but it does take time. I'm hoping to be able to cut back my hours to 40/wk max sometime in the future and am planning how to do that.

Right now it seems the art to learn is to stay at work and perk along cheerfully, productively, and somewhat relaxedly.

[Amontilado]

No comments yet.

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One of my challenges in regulating my life is that I work shift work so it is hard to get into a routine, and so hard to compare one day with another.

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Di

I hear ya on the problem with rotating shifts. Mine rotates weekly; from 8z-4p one week, 4p-mid the next, back to 8-4p, then mid to 8a. My system never seems to adjust (probably the reason why I never more than about 5-5.5hrs of sleep in a stretch). With these shifts, priority outside of work is just to get enough sleep, even with the phone ringing, kids bouncing around the house, wife walking though the bedroom doing chores, or opening the shades to let some air (and light ) in.

Steve

[j.a.taylor]

Right now it seems the art to learn is to stay at work and perk along cheerfully, productively, and somewhat relaxedly.

Even stealing 5 minutes here or there, to just give yourself some breathing space will help.

Or telling yourself, I could get stressed about this particular situation that I'm facing at this moment, but I'm going to take a deep breath, and deal with this issue, then let it go as I go on to the next thing.

It can be tough sometimes. I generally work 60-80 hour weeks at this time of year, 7 days a week, and even when I'm taking a day off it's go, go, go, because there are things to get done at home, time to spend with the family, etc.

Usually, things slow down for me a bit in the summer, but this year that wasn't the case, I've been going full-bore since April, because I've been participating in so many special projects.

It's even tougher, for you folks who have rotating shifts, or jobs with constant activity. Then when you come home, there are so many things left to do . . .

Maybe, it would help if you decide what can be left undone, so that you can "steal" some time away later. Sure, you may have to make it up somewhere later, but do that when you have a little more energy, or when you can't put it off anymore . . .

It's interesting to me that most of us are so good at managing our time when it comes to activity (really over managing it, because we often fill our calendars too full), but when it comes to managing our downtime, we seem to struggle . . .

This has been an interesting thread. Gives us all a lot to think about.

[Julie]

Rotating shifts (weekly!) are really bad for anyone. Is there any chance at all you can go onto at least a two-wkly one, or even find different work? I bet half your shift-mates are having problems too, whether or not they have OSA.

[Bert_Mathews]

When I reflect on it, I realize that I have led a life that was focused on work. I'm slowly learning how to relax, but it does take time. I'm hoping to be able to cut back my hours to 40/wk max sometime in the future and am planning how to do that.

Right now it seems the art to learn is to stay at work and perk along cheerfully, productively, and somewhat relaxedly.

I'll jump in .... I have been retired for three years on the hose one year. I was a major WORK-A-IDIOT... Had 6 jewelry shops - Handyman business - Computer consultant -- ALSO a stay at home dad... ALL 60 + hrs. per wk.
What I have learned the hard way is NOBODY cares if you live or die "Just You!" SO SLOW down travel & enjoy your KIDS & yourself.........
Its.....HARD! Just do it..
Bert

[Amontilado]

Rotating shifts (weekly!) are really bad for anyone. Is there any chance at all you can go onto at least a two-wkly one, or even find different work? I bet half your shift-mates are having problems too, whether or not they have OSA.

Julie,
Changing our schedule is one of those things that requires 1. someone to come up with a better schedule, and 2), get ALL (not just most) of the affected people to agree to try it out. It's the agreeing part that is the hardest; most see how they feel after working just one week, forget that if one's system is allowed to stay adjusted to that schedule for a period, then say no way, Jose <sigh>. Have been rolling a schedule around in my mind to do this and also use the bodies natural inclination to want to stay up later, making a day/evening/overnight rotation better. It's just coming up with a good schedule, maybe a few alternatives, then politicing with the affected one.

Steve

[RosemaryB]

When I reflect on it, I realize that I have led a life that was focused on work. I'm slowly learning how to relax, but it does take time. I'm hoping to be able to cut back my hours to 40/wk max sometime in the future and am planning how to do that.

Right now it seems the art to learn is to stay at work and perk along cheerfully, productively, and somewhat relaxedly.

I'll jump in .... I have been retired for three years on the hose one year. I was a major WORK-A-IDIOT... Had 6 jewelry shops - Handyman business - Computer consultant -- ALSO a stay at home dad... ALL 60 + hrs. per wk.
What I have learned the hard way is NOBODY cares if you live or die "Just You!" SO SLOW down travel & enjoy your KIDS & yourself.........
Its.....HARD! Just do it..
Bert