Changes To CPAPtalk Operating and Moderation Practices

[USMCVet]

Not sure if you have done it or not but a secret behind the scenes area for admin and mods to discuss issues is always a good idea.

[loggerhead12]

I have a son with Asperger's. He's very high-functioning and when he's in the right mind-set you would never know. However, he's socially unaware and occasionally has to be removed from situations. In many ways the xx man reminds me of my son, and I feel bad for him as this was obviously an outlet for him.

However, you made the right call. He needed to be removed.

[chunkyfrog]

I, too, have a suspicion the "x" was mentally ill; and the forum may have been keeping him out of worse trouble.
The upside is that he may now be more likely to be forced to get real help.

[Pugsy]

I, too, have a suspicion the "x" was mentally ill; and the forum may have been keeping him out of worse trouble.
The upside is that he may now be more likely to be forced to get real help.

Yes, I think there were some mental health issues most likely involved. I can't imagine any "normal" person being that paranoid and ugly but maybe there are people out there like that. Scary thought. He scared the hell out of me though.
Here's the deal though...we can't save everyone and we can't fix everyone and he was killing this forum.
For this forum to live he had to leave the forum IMHO. He wasn't going to change...he didn't want to change because in his mind he was perfect.
Sometimes hard decisions have to be made for the greater good. It's a cold hard fact of life.

[ColinP]

@xxyzx, you have exhausted propriety, ignored warnings and made our community less welcoming. You have not supported our mission. You are banned from CPAPtalk.

One down, only a few more to go...

[Holden4th]

This was a necessary step and I'm pleased to see it taken. I agree with Johnny that open dialog is a good thing and while disagreement is inevitable, it's all part of the learning curve. Where your opinions are challenged (which they often are on this forum) how you handle that can make all the difference.

I remember PR responding to a post of mine and the nature of the response concerned other members. I was encouraged by one or two to 'shoot back' and make sure I didn't miss. Instead, a few PMs easily resolved any issues and I'm glad that I took the time to contact PR personally. The response I got leaves me with a high level of respect for him as both a forum member and very knowledgeable poster.

Then we have the converse in xxyzx, no amount of one to one would make any difference. I wonder where he'll venture to next?

However, it's onwards and upwards from here. Glad to be a member of this forum.

[DreamStalker]

I have a son with Asperger's. He's very high-functioning and when he's in the right mind-set you would never know. However, he's socially unaware and occasionally has to be removed from situations. In many ways the xx man reminds me of my son, and I feel bad for him as this was obviously an outlet for him.

However, you made the right call. He needed to be removed.

Indeed. It was quite obvious to me as well that "xxyz" was HFA or somewhere on the Autism spectrum ... which is why I was surprised that Johnny banned him (or anyone for that matter) from the forum.

IMO, we all have some sort of mental issue, deficiency, or whatever you want to call it ... whether it be OCD or paranoia or other mental/social shortcomings. And so it's how each of us interacts with other people that determines whether we're labeled insane or ugly or any of the numerous outcast labels of intolerance.

Many have stated that "xxyz" was killing the forum and/or needed to be removed/banned for the good of the forum and everyone else. So was "xxyz" really to blame for his lack of mental/social disorder or is it the forum's intolerance of people they can't or won't try to understand? Perhaps both?

Sure, I admit that I've had my own levels of intolerance tested by a handful of forum members but I would never want them to be banned from the forum. I'm also guilty of teasing those who attack me rather than just ignoring them or trying to talk sensibly to them ... and on occasion (rare IMO) I've even responded in full out rage and stupidity.

Nonetheless, outcasting and removing someone from a group is an extreme measure whether it be on a forum or in real life. I remember an old childhood saying -- "sticks and stones will break my bones but names will never hurt me" ... but as mature adults on an internet forum, perhaps that childhood saying is no longer true? ... or have we just forgotten? IMO, it seems that name calling had a significant influence on the forum's intolerance of "xxyz" and maybe that is the lesson ... to be more tolerant of those calling us names while at the same time restraining ourselves from calling others names (yep, I'm just as guilty of name calling as many other forum members). What I mean,is that those with a strong central tendency of mental stability should be able to handle being called names while those on the tails of the normal distribution of the human mental spectrum (people generally defined by a group as having mental issues) may not be.

So while some others rejoice, I'm actually sad that "xxyz" was banned ... but as in real life, the group herd mentality will always overpower the lone outliers.

Have a Wonderful Thanksgiving everybody.

[Grace~~~]

I have a son with Asperger's. He's very high-functioning and when he's in the right mind-set you would never know. However, he's socially unaware and occasionally has to be removed from situations. In many ways the xx man reminds me of my son, and I feel bad for him as this was obviously an outlet for him.

However, you made the right call. He needed to be removed.

Indeed. It was quite obvious to me as well that "xxyz" was HFA or somewhere on the Autism spectrum ... which is why I was surprised that Johnny banned him (or anyone for that matter) from the forum.

IMO, we all have some sort of mental issue, deficiency, or whatever you want to call it ... whether it be OCD or paranoia or other mental/social shortcomings. And so it's how each of us interacts with other people that determines whether we're labeled insane or ugly or any of the numerous outcast labels of intolerance.

Many have stated that "xxyz" was killing the forum and/or needed to be removed/banned for the good of the forum and everyone else. So was "xxyz" really to blame for his lack of mental/social disorder or is it the forum's intolerance of people they can't or won't try to understand? Perhaps both?

Sure, I admit that I've had my own levels of intolerance tested by a handful of forum members but I would never want them to be banned from the forum. I'm also guilty of teasing those who attack me rather than just ignoring them or trying to talk sensibly to them ... and on occasion (rare IMO) I've even responded in full out rage and stupidity.

Nonetheless, outcasting and removing someone from a group is an extreme measure whether it be on a forum or in real life. I remember an old childhood saying -- "sticks and stones will break my bones but names will never hurt me" ... but as mature adults on an internet forum, perhaps that childhood saying is no longer true? ... or have we just forgotten? IMO, it seems that name calling had a significant influence on the forum's intolerance of "xxyz" and maybe that is the lesson ... to be more tolerant of those calling us names while at the same time restraining ourselves from calling others names (yep, I'm just as guilty of name calling as many other forum members). What I mean,is that those with a strong central tendency of mental stability should be able to handle being called names while those on the tails of the normal distribution of the human mental spectrum (people generally defined by a group as having mental issues) may not be.

So while some others rejoice, I'm actually sad that "xxyz" was banned ... but as in real life, the group herd mentality will always overpower the lone outliers.

Have a Wonderful Thanksgiving everybody.

For *me* this is far more than a +1
It is ~~~ AMEN

[jnk...]

So while some others rejoice, I'm actually sad that "xxyz" was banned

On one level, I share your sentiments.

But on the other hand, he is not banned from the planet. He is not even banned from benefitting from what others post here. In my opinion, he is merely being prevented from causing constant disruption by his insisting on his rights to act contrary to the User Agreement.

I believe that someone with serious social limitations has every right to ride the bus and make irritating noises on the bus. I pride myself on sitting next to him to practice my tolerance. But if it reaches a point in which he won't sit down and insists on distracting the driver and trying to run others off the bus, he really needs his own bus and should not prevent the effective functioning of the public one. Hopefully the bus for him will have measures that also keep him from running out into traffic to disrupt the daily commute of the surrounding community, even if everyone is careful about not running him over. Those who choose to live in a society understand that agreeing to personal limits is the only thing that allows it to function. Those who are unable to understand that need the help of others to limit them.

Then again, what do I know? I've been known to yell "Movie!" in a crowded firehouse.

[DreamStalker]

So while some others rejoice, I'm actually sad that "xxyz" was banned

On one level, I share your sentiments.

But on the other hand, he is not banned from the planet. He is not even banned from benefitting from what others post here. In my opinion, he is merely being prevented from causing constant disruption by his insisting on his rights to act contrary to the User Agreement.

I believe that someone with serious social limitations has every right to ride the bus and make irritating noises on the bus. I pride myself on sitting next to him to practice my tolerance. But if it reaches a point in which he won't sit down and insists on distracting the driver and trying to run others off the bus, he really needs his own bus and should not prevent the effective functioning of the public one. Hopefully the bus for him will have measures that also keep him from running out into traffic to disrupt the daily commute of the surrounding community, even if everyone is careful about not running him over. Those who choose to live in a society understand that agreeing to personal limits is the only thing that allows it to function. Those who are unable to understand that need the help of others to limit them.

Then again, what do I know? I've been known to yell "Movie!" in a crowded firehouse.

Don't ban me bro!!

Seriously though, I totally get your view and did indeed witness the forum bus approaching a hazardous intersection. On a real bus, he might have been restrained by a leash or a cage rather than kicked off or worse yet, given his own bus to drive ...

I know it was a tough decision for the Goodman family ... still sad nonetheless.

BTW - your new avatar is missing something?

[jnk...]

BTW - your new avatar is missing something?

Hey, I'm all about transparency.

[Grace~~~]

~~~ you are so funny jnk ...

+ LOL


Love it!!!

[DonO]

Glad to see this, but sad to see banning happened. As a new member, I learned quickly to ignore those that gave bad advice and found some of the posts entertaining. It was obvious that someone had way too much time on their hands and used this forum as a form of release. I have an autistic adult son, so I'm used to ignoring behavior that is outside the norm. He didn't irritate me, though always claiming to be the victim of bullying and his scorn of liberals made me think he was a closet left winger.

Congrats Pugsy. Good choice for moderator. I've done the job as well as administration on a forum before, it is a thankless job and no one ever agrees 100% with what you do. I do think banning should be a last resort and sufficient warnings are given to offenders. It seems that this ban, no matter how well deserved in the views of many here happened without allowing a warning or a chance to change behavior. Hopefully, things will be on track now and banning will be a rare event. In any event, this is not a public but a privately owned forum, so the owners can do as they please. It is sad that a forum of adults needs a moderator at all, but that is where we are now.

[AMK]

There are consequences for behavior regardless of the reason for the behavior. I think sometimes people mistake lessons in tolerance with allowing an environment to continue to be detrimental and even toxic. Nothing was going to change, and newbies were going to continue to see their first posts here derailed ad infinitum.

[Grace~~~]

Glad to see this, but sad to see banning happened. As a new member, I learned quickly to ignore those that gave bad advice and found some of the posts entertaining. It was obvious that someone had way too much time on their hands and used this forum as a form of release. I have an autistic adult son, so I'm used to ignoring behavior that is outside the norm. He didn't irritate me, though always claiming to be the victim of bullying and his scorn of liberals made me think he was a closet left winger.

omg ... *I* thought that too?

Is the hip / internet term for that 'catfishing'?